Lover's Pain
by Rattlin666666
Summary: Set in 4th year College. Sam is in danger, Brooke and co. set out to help her. Can they bring her back to them, or is she lost forever. Violence. Character death!
1. Prologue

So as per my usual, I don't finish stories but instead get this new and great idea and just jump into writing it. However, this time I spent a long time plotting out somewhat of a plotline/backstory (Ok, so I only have planning that would last maybe 25k words, but seeing as I've never had a story get that long, I figure that's far enough). Anyways, kinda dark. Character death?

**Warning: Includes violence/abuse against women.** The author (being me) does not support violence/abuse against women, and in fact condemns it as being very very wrong. Possibility of unwanted sexual interaction (nothing explicit, merely implied) in the future as well. A large warning will be posted if that chapter ever comes up. You have been warned.

* * *

"_You're a failure, no one else could possibly like you, let alone love you."_

"_Your 'friends' don't give a shit about you. It's me. It's always been me."_

"_You stepsister hates you… she's just playing the good girl."_

Sam struggled out of her car in a haze, his words playing through her mind. Her leg throbbed, her stomach ached, every breathe cut into her as her rib cage moved in and out. But she was free, and was almost to her new home.

She left her bag in the trunk, not wanting to carry it. Her arms were heavy enough as is. She started the walk up the sidewalk towards Brooke's house, not going quickly but it was pretty much as quick as she could go. The stairs were hell. She could barely bend her left knee it was so busted up. She winced as the memory of the baseball bat came back to her.

"_I was… I am still… a coward,"_ she thought to herself. "_Why am I even trying? He was right all along, she'll see me for what I really am and be gone instantly."_

The haze cleared from her mind for a moment after she reached the top of the stairs, and she glanced around. Cold fear suddenly latched at her throat when she saw a familiar car.

"No…" she whispered softly. "No no no." Sam quickly reached for the handle, but noticed the door was in fact slightly ajar. She opened it quickly, slipping in.

The house was silent for a moment, as Sam stood there trying to figure out what to do.

"_Garbage. That's all you are."_

A scream of pain made up her mind. The voice, clearly in distress, floated towards her painfully. "Please… don't. Don't hurt her anymore. Do what you want to me. Just don't touch her."

Brooke! What was she saying? Is she stupid? No!

Pain forgotten, Sam moved quickly into the house. What was Brooke thinking, Sam wasn't worth risking herself for!

She turned into the family room, and saw Brooke on the ground, curled in the fetal position. Blood was pouring from a cut on her forehead onto her beautiful face, and her cheek that Sam could see was bruised up. Her eyes were slightly glazed over, a look Sam knew that she herself had had many times before. Sam couldn't see much else in terms of damage, as her assailant stood over her, his back to Sam. He wound back with his foot, and kicked her hard right in the stomach.

Brooke let out a light 'woof' and a slight moan of pain as the figure pulled back and hit her again. This time she actually cried out and rolled a bit. But her eyes saw Sam and they instantly widened in fear.

Fear for her. But Brooke shouldn't fear for her. Brooke should fear for herself, she's the one of value.

_"It's a good thing little Mac shares only half blood with you. Otherwise she'd be destined for failure like you."_

"Run," she mouthed silently. But apparently Sam's presence was already recognized, because Brooke received a swift kick to the face, and Brooke collapsed.

Sam's eyes vision turned red. She always thought that was an expression, or at least not literal. But everything turned a dark red shade as she charged him.

She swung out with her arm as hard as she could, and connected solidly on the side of his head. The man staggered slightly, and Sam felt a sense of satisfaction at the blow after all she'd been through, but he threw out his elbow behind him, which only glanced off Sam's ribcage. Still, when your ribs are as battered as Sam's were, that hurt a hell of a lot. Sam would have screamed out in pain, but found that she was already screaming more of a battle cry at him anyways, so nothing more could be added.

She kicked out, catching him in the knee as he was turning around. He staggered again, but still swung out, solidly catching Sam in the cheek. She felt her skin part, and knew she'd have a nasty gash from it.

She stumbled back, barely keeping her feet as he advanced on her. She flicked out her leg again, and caught him by surprise, used to her docile acceptance. He stopped.

"Sam. You shouldn't have done this. Shouldn't have told. Shouldn't have hit me. Now Brookie dear has to pay. As will Mac. It will be seen to."

_"Poor tiny Mac, doomed cause of your stupid assed mouth. Wouldn't want that now would you?" _

Sam's anger overtook her and she launched herself at him again screaming. "YOU FUCKING TOUCH EITHER OF THEM I'LL KILL YOU!"

She tackled him – or rather tried as he just sort of caught her and threw her down hard into the table beside him. Her head landed first, followed by the rest of her body as the old wooden table gave out under her, collapsing.

She groaned gently, barely conscious as her adrenaline fled her and all the pain came roaring back.

She crawled away a bit, turned and saw he was standing over her, laughing. "You're pathetic," he growled.

He kneeled down in front of Sam as she weakly tried to get away. He reached out and almost playfully slapped her, but it's hard enough that she sees stars and collapses back.

"Leave her alone," a voice jumps in, and Sam recognizes it as Brookes.

"No… Brooke… lea…leave. Run," Sam wheezes out, and the asshole laughs again.

"Yea Brooke. Let Sammy go. We both know you want to."

Brooke quickly snaps back, "Shut up you asshole!"

More deep laughter. "Ooh touchy touchy." He suddenly turns serious. "You know Brooke, after I'm through with Sam, you're going to beg me to kill her. You're going to beg me to kill you." His voice turns more light hearted. "And I'll of course gladly oblige. And then dear sweet Mac. She's what, four now? I'll just snap her neck. Quick… just like that."

Brooke answers by charging at him, but he simply snapped out his fist hard, catching her right in the chest, knocking the air out of her, and the audible crack of several ribs.

He then grabbed her by her hair and slammed her face forcefully into the nearby TV. The screen shattered and glass rained down around her, no doubt cutting her angelic face to pieces. He let Brooke go, and her limp body collapsed to the ground. Sam's heart leapt into her throat.

_"Her pretty little face, destroyed all because of you. All on you." _

"BROOKE!" Sam rose, suddenly getting her second – well, third she supposed – wind. She made to take a step towards her, but he was there.

His hands tightened around her neck, and she suddenly was struggling to breathe. Her hands clutched at his hands, clawing at them, struggling to pull them away, but finding no purchase.

Sam vainly kicked out at him, catching him right next to his groin. He hissed in pain and then lifted her by her throat, taking 2 steps and slamming her into the wall.

Her vision blanked for a moment completely, but then came back, except with black nibbling at the edges. Her lungs burned, and she knew that her life was leaving her. It should have brought more fear, but it didn't. Just a sort of acceptance that she would be leaving this hell she called life and moving on.

She was growing tired, and she threw her hand one more time at his face. Her arm was heavy, and all she succeeded in doing was smearing some of the blood – her blood, she noted with clinical detachment – onto his face, which he seemed to take a satisfaction in, judging by the smirk on his face.

_"The world would be better off without you. But I take pity on you. No one else will. You're mine. Mine until I end this all."_

"And so it ends Sammy. So it ends," he said, as if he could read her thoughts.

Her limbs collapsed at her side, as her vision tunneled down to nothing more then his face. And as darkness claimed her, she realized with horror that the last thing she'd ever see before she died was his face.


	2. Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own it, nor do I seek or receive monetary gain for this. It is for the enjoyment that I write and post this.

Author's Notes: This is set in 4th year college, gonna go through the lead up to that events before you get to see the conclusion cause I'm just mean like that muhah. This is approximately 14 weeks before the events of the prologue. Please review for the love of god! I needs it to keep living!

* * *

September 10th - 1st week of College

* * *

"_Well this sucks. What sort of professor assigns an essay for the second week of school?" _The keyboard tattered incredibly fast as the brunette girl worked away.

"An asshole professor of course." The tattering stopped, and looked around shocked.

"_Great… now I'm talking to myself. I really need a break._" Sam saved her file, then rose from her desk and headed out of the workroom and into the living room.

She'd been working on her essay for 6 hours now, ever since she'd gotten off her last class at noon. She loved Wednesday. Her best day schedule wise, only 2 classes, starting at 10 and going to 12.

"If only that bastard hadn't assigned that essay…" Sam sighed to herself. "Maybe I wouldn't still be talking to myself," she said, a hint of irony in her voice at her own silliness.

The stupid essay was on why she wanted to be a journalist. Seemed like a silly high school topic to her, what with her already being in her final year of university, and pretty much firmly decided. It was an easy topic thankfully, and she had dozens of reasons on why, but it still seemed silly.

She just wanted it to be perfect. The class itself was small, only 20 odd people, so she'd get to know the professor personally, and impressing him was important to her.

She flopped down on the small couch they had, wincing a bit at the movement, and flicked on the television. She didn't really pay attention to it though, instead looking around the small flat. It was really quite tiny, simply a small living room, a kitchen, a bathroom and 2 bedrooms, though Devon and her had converted one of them into a workroom. Didn't really make sense to waste the second bedroom.

The place was already quite messy. Not the dirty that disgusted you, but rather the comfortable clutter of a place that was lived in. Books were lying everywhere, mostly for arts, but there were some for her journalism courses.

Her cell started to vibrate in her pocket, and she quickly pulled it out. Checking the caller ID, she quickly picked up. "Hey mom."

Her mothers voice immediately jumped back to her, excited. "Hey Sam! Do you have time to talk?"

"I have a bit," she answered back.

Sam could actually hear the smile on her mom's face… which is really quite impressive over the phone when you think about it. "Mac had her first day of school today! She had so much fun, she's so excited."

Sam broke out in a grin. "Oh I bet. She probably already runs that school." Every time she thought of her little sister Mackenzie, she couldn't help but feel happy. She was just so cute and loveable.

"Oh Sam, I don't know about that. It's not all about popularity you know. Anyways, when are you going to come visit us? Mac wants to tell you all about everything."

"Mom, I was there 3 days ago!"

Sam could hear her mom sigh on the other end of the phone. "Sam, I barely saw you all summer. I can't help but miss you. You're going to UCLA for crying out loud, a 40 minute drive tops, depending on traffic."

She'd heard this argument a dozen times. It wasn't that she didn't love her family, or want to see them, it was just she had so much to do. "Mom, come on. I see you at least once a week. I moved in with Devon so we could start a life together. And no, we're not cutting you out, we've just been busy."

"I know we've been over this, but I just don't understand why you couldn't live here over summer."

Sam sighed. "Mom…" she said a bit threateningly.

"Ok fine, I'm dropping it. Oh hang on a sec. Yes Mac?"

A quieter voice called out. "Is that Sammy? Lemme talk to Sammy!"

"Ok ok Mac. Hang on." Her mom's voice was muffled then she came back full force. "Alright Sam, we'll talk more later. Here's Mac. Love you." There was a clunk as the phone started to change hands.

"Sam?" came Mac's quiet voice a moment later.

"Hey Macanator! How's it going?" Sam said cheerfully.

An audible huff came over the other end. "I told you not to call me that!" said the voice indignantly.

"Well what do you want to be called? Macaroon? Mac Attack? Macintosh? I could go on!"

"You know what I want you to call me!"

Sam let out a little chuckle. "Ok fine Mac. I'll be nice. How was your first day?"

"Oh it was so great! We did arts and crafts and my teacher, Ms. Krupps, is really nice, she really liked me."

"Oh no not a Krupps!" Sam knew that Mr Krupps had gotten engaged near the end of her senior year, and knew that it was an elementary teacher. Any woman that could fall in love with a man **that** narcissistic…

Mac's voice came back a little worried. "What why! What's wrong!"

"Oh nothing Makkie. And of course she likes you, who couldn't like you!" Sam said soothingly.

"Don't tell Mom, but there's this one boy, Nicolas, he pushed me and made fun of me. He's a big, stupid, ugly, poopyhead!"

"Oh boy, let me know where he lives and I'll go kick his butt! Nobody does that to my sis!" Sam said grinning. It was probably nothing more then a crush or something.

Immediately Mac squealed back, "No! Don't do that!"

"Oh ok, I won't." Sam heard a key being inserted into the door of the flat. "Oooh, Mac, I gotta bail. Devon's home. I'll talk to you later hun. Love you."

"Love you too Sammy!" Sam put away the phone and rose as Devon walked in, shutting the door behind him, his considerable bulk making its way towards her for a hug and a kiss, which were reciprocated.

"How was your day?" asked Sam.

"Pretty good except for practice. Kevin was horrible today, and coach made me pay for his incompetence!" he explained rather annoyed. "Just cause I'm the captain doesn't mean I control him!"

Sam smiled a little. Devon was the captain of the lacrosse team, and for good reason. He was large, rippling muscle, well built, and by all accounts, movie star looks. He reminded her of Josh Ford, but bigger.

"Well you knew being captain would mean more responsibility. You'll do great."

He seemed to zone off, not hearing her response. Then he turned and stalked to the fridge, pulling out a protein shake. "I just need to burn off some steam from it is all. Get it out of my system."

Sam shrugged but remained silent. Devon turned back to her. "How's that essay coming? Can't believe you already have one."

"It's ok. I still got tomorrow to finish and edit it."

He smiled. "I'll take a look at it tomorrow if you want. No sense letting this English degree I'm getting go to waste." Sam nodded at him. Due to his lacrosse skills, Devon was practically getting a free ride through university, not that Devon really planned on using the degree, as he was very likely going pro with lacrosse. It was a young sport nationally, but you could still make a solid living doing it.

"That'll be great."

Devon sat down on the couch and waved Sam over. She sat down and cuddled up to him as he snatched up the remote, flipping through the channels.

* * *

"You think you have what it takes? 'Cause I don't think you do."

The blonde arched her eyebrow back at her opponent. "You don't think I have it huh? And how often have you been right tonight?" The man just grinned back at her silently. She took a quick look at the cards again.

Queen and jack of hearts were her hole cards. There were the 7, 9 and king of hearts on the table, as well as a 4 of clubs and a 5 of diamonds. Only thing that had her beat was the Ace, and there was no way he had it. Not him! "You're totally bluffing. I call." She tossed in a handful of chips, and saw the smile slowly fade from the blonde haired boy.

Brooke turned to her left to Amanda. "What are you kidding? Too rich for me!" She tossed her cards to Maya, who was dealing and had already folded.

"Reraise," said Shawn beside her. "All in." He pushed in a good sized stack of chips, while Brooke inwardly cursed. Shawn had been limping the entire round, and she had been so sure he'd fold. But what if he had it? The hearts had all come on the flop, so would he have waited this long to make his play? She already knew Gary was bluffing, but Shawn was always a wild card.

Gary shrugged, taking a swig from his beer as he was already all in, passing the buck to her.

It was only another 5 dollars into a 35 dollar pot. She pretty much had to. Shrugging she shoved her chips in.

Gary flipped his cards sadly. 6 of hearts and 8 of hearts. Brooke laid her cards down grinning, while Shawn just arched his eyebrow at her.

"We have a winner," he said dryly. Brooke grinned and started to reach for the chips. "Tsk tsk Brooke. Patience is a virtue." He twirled his cards around in his hand, grinning, before tossing them onto the table.

"Son of a," muttered Brooke. Of course he had the Ace. And she was so close this time! If she had of won this round, she'd have easily finished everyone off. Gary was out, Maya had 2 dollars left and Amanda 3.

There was some law that she just couldn't win. She'd won the first few times, but since then she'd always came in second. Which sucks! A lot. Granted normally Sam and Devon were here too, so it wasn't as bad to lose to that many people, but they weren't going to be coming by until later.

Shawn raked the chips into him. Now she only had 5 dollars left, and it was basically over, what with him having 40 dollars.

"Right I give." She rose, snatching a 5 from the small pot. Amanda and Maya didn't even bother to grab change, letting Shawn pick up the rest of the money.

"About damn time I win a game!" He let out with a whoop, and everyone grinned. This was the first time he'd won, and although they didn't do this often, it was still a point of endless amusement for all of them.

Shawn was tall at 6 foot and rather lean, closer to skinny even. A pre-med student, there wasn't too much doubt he was going far, as he had the brains and will to go far. He could be a bit weird at times, but he was always there for his friends, pretty much the nicest guy she knew.

"Don't count on it happening again!" Sitting to his right was his best friend Gary, who Shawn had actually met through Sam due to him being in journalism as well. He was pretty similar to Shawn, though a bit taller and a bit more filled out. He could be considered a genuine eccentric, but in that funny way of just being completely obnoxious. No matter what was up he was always a blast.

Brooke just smiled and rose, taking her empty Bacardi breezer to get a new one. "Right I need a break. What's next? How about some good ol' crazy 8's?"

Maya jumped in "Ooh I love crazy 8's! So crazy and weird. Like this one time, I was playing and I started to laugh and then eve…"

"We were there," interrupted Amanda. "We all started laughing, and when we asked why you were laughing, you said that it was just crazy how the game is called crazy 8's." Brooke smiled at the memory. It really made no sense, Maya's laughter that is. That's just the way Maya is. Always happy, always excited, always… chatty. She had a story for everything, which was great except they'd all heard every single one her stories like a million times and were in most of them too.

Sometimes she could drive you insane, but she was just so happy and bubbly that she was usually just fun to be around. She did have this thing where she just went through boys like none other. Like one a week at least. It wasn't a surprise really, with her wavy blonde hair, killer bod, and dazzling green eyes, it was easy to see why any guy would fall for her. She sometimes seemed like an airhead, but she was actually pretty smart, just had her ditzy moments.

"Oh…sorry. Right I remember now. Duhhh."

Brooke gave a smile at her. "It's fine. Anyone else want another one?"

"I'll take one," called out Amanda. Brooke nodded as she grabbed one from the fridge and tossed it to Amanda, who caught it handily.

"Sooooo… Any new prospects Amanda?" asked Shawn casually.

Amanda growled playfully. "You just love to hassle me huh. Why can you hassle me but I can't hassle you about your single status!"

Shawn raised his hands defensively. "Hey, come on. I'm not exactly single!"

"What her name? Sarah is it? What is up with you two anyways?" jumped in Brooke.

Gary quickly cut in. "It doesn't matter! Back to the topic at hand. Any new lovers?"

Amanda gave a sigh. "Fine! No! Happy?"

Shawn and Gary both looked dejected. "Ahh man, no lesbian action still!"

Brooke would normally be offended by that due to its insensitivity, but when it was just them, she wasn't really bothered. Shawn and Gary were both sensitive, comfortable to be around, and Amanda wasn't bothered by it, but rather seemed to take amusement out of playing the game with the two of them.

"Why do you care? Not like I'd ever let you see anything."

Shawn and Gary just grinned. "Doesn't matter. Come on, we're guys. We have to act like this."

Brooke decided to jump in before it amped up a bit. "Yea, we know. Or at least you keep telling us. Sometimes I wonder if you two aren't gay with each other, and just cover it up."

Mock horror danced over Gary's face, while Shawn just shrugged. Then he very casually reached out and placed his arm around Gary's shoulder. "Well no sense hiding it now huh Gary."

Gary just looked at him dumbstruck for a moment, before rising quickly. "Dude, too far!"

Everyone else just burst out laughing, while Gary turned a bit red before laughing too.

The phone started to ring, interrupting the laughter as Brooke answered it quickly.

"Hello, Brooke speaking."

"Brookie honey, how are you?" Brooke sighed inwardly. It was Nicole.

"Nicole… I'm fine. What's up?" Her tone wasn't cold, but it wasn't welcoming either.

"I was just wondering what you were up to tonight? Maybe we could hang out? Like old times."

"_No thank you,"_ Brooke thought to herself. It wasn't that she disliked Nicole; she just… didn't like her. After that shitty prom night, she had drifted from Nicole. Every time she looked at Nicole, talked to her, hell even thought about her, she just got sick to her stomach, as if her subconscious was trying to tell her something. She headed out of the living room towards the front balcony. "Uhh no thanks Nic, I'm just hanging out at home. Sam's coming by later and I wouldn't wanna take off on her."

Nicole practically exploded. "God damnit Brookie, why are you always like this? Ever since that night you got hit by that car, you've been all chummy chummy with Sam and just barely tolerating my presence. I thought we were friends."

"We were. Nic, it's just… it's just I've changed, and you haven't. I'm different." It had been 5 years since that night! You'd think Nicole would have realized that by now. Nicole just repulsed her though she couldn't explain why.

Nicole growled back. "It's Sam. It's always been Sam. Just toss aside your best friend for that bitch of a sister. I mean, she's just a piece of trash and we both know it."

It was a good thing Brooke had gone outside, because she immediately cut back, "You EVER speak about her like that again and I'll make you regret it. I'm finished." She prepared to hang up, and then thought better of it. "You know what, no, I'm not finished actually. This is why we aren't friends anymore. Because of your attitude, because of your condescending tone. And every time I look at you, I feel repulsed! But mostly because of the way you treat Sam. She was there for me Nic. Even though I took Harrison from her, she still stood by me while I recovered and even rejoiced in my happiness with him. You on the other hand were nothing but derogatory to both Sam and Harrison. And you were no where to be seen the night I was struck! And you show up the next day with a mother of a hangover. Who's the better friend?"

Nicole didn't answer for a moment. "I stood by you too after you got hit. I was the one who hired those private detectives to find who hit you. I may not have found who did it, and I guess no one will ever know, but I tried. How can you say I didn't care about you?"

"You just cared about your popularity. Doing all that just made you look good."

Nicole didn't answer, but when her voice came back Brooke could, for the first time ever as far as she could remember, hear the hurt in it. "I can see what you mean. I'm just a hopeless bitch." The line went dead.

Brooke stood on the patio, letting her arm drop down. Wow… that was unexpected. It had been building for awhile. She just didn't think it would happen over the phone.

She thought back to that summer after she got hit. She had fond memories of it. More then she really should, considering the fact she'd been hit by a car, had a broken leg and was in a coma for a week. It had been a miracle she hadn't been hurt worse.

Harrison had chosen her that night, but for some reason, and she herself couldn't describe it, she had felt the need to flee. So she had, and Sam had been right behind her, concerned for her.

It still made her wonder why Sam had been concerned for her. Sam had just had her best friend say 'I'd rather be with Brooke', and according to Sam's theory, Brooke was taking another piece of her life. Instead of being angry, she'd been worried about Brooke.

And when that car had almost hit her, Sam had actually started to move to push her out of the way. She'd never made it of course; she was a bit far off to do that. Still, the thought was what counted. And through her recovery, Sam was right there by her side just as much as Harrison was.

The whole Harrison situation was kind of a debacle. She had liked him well enough; she had no doubt of that. For awhile, sometime after Christmas of senior year, she thought she had found true love. Now… she wasn't so sure about that. Sure, she loved him, but maybe it wasn't what she really thought it had been. It really couldn't be, considering the fact that just a week into summer he had broken up with her.

He had been rather cryptic in his explanation. Something about he saw that they weren't meant to be, and that one day Brooke would understand. He had said that he would support her in it, and that he hoped she found happiness.

They had remained friends, which surprised Brooke quite a bit because she thought she'd take it harder. But she hadn't and found that he was a good man to have as a friend, even though now he was up in Canada taking university there. They still talked at least once every few weeks.

She sighed as her thoughts drifted back to Nicole. After that night, she had realized that the things Sam had been saying about Nicole really were true. She wasn't a true friend. Nicole wanted to be one, that's true, but she just didn't know how to. The bad truly had taken over the good. So she had drifted from Nicole, became best friends with Sam.

Now though… Sam had been pulling away from her for the past 3 or 4 months. Didn't hang out as much, spent her time at home or with Devon. She could understand wanting to spend time with Devon. She herself had only gone on a few dates since the start of university, saving her present boyfriend of 4 months, but she could understand needing time with your significant other.

She just wished Sam would hang out with her more. She missed her, the fun they always had. Sam was one of the few who she was completely comfortable with, who she felt she was accepted and treated as an equal. Not to say that Amanda, Maya, Gary and Shawn weren't great, they were. They just weren't the same.

The door swung open and out stepped Shawn. "Hey blondie. What are you doing? I don't think Sam's coming tonight." He seemed to know what she was thinking.

Brooke gave him a little smile. "Reminiscing. And no, I suppose she's not."

"Reminiscing about what?"

Brooke gave him a little grin. "Anything and everything. Take how we met for example."

Shawn immediately flushed red. "Not my greatest moment."

"Awww… but you looked so cute in that leotard thong," Brooke teased.

Shawn just shrugged. "I told you! It was a bet. And I was a little drunk. And it was a bet! I had to do that to the next girl who walked through that door." Brooke giggled at that. Try him being completely smashed. It had been the third day of university, and she and Sam were roommates. Sam had dragged Brooke to this party, having met Shawn earlier that day, and as she walked onto the floor, Shawn had ran up to her wearing nothing but the thong, and proceeded to give her a bear hug before basically throwing her on a seat and sitting on her lap.

Sam had just burst out laughing, while Shawn fell off her on the floor, and said, 'Brooke, this is Shawn. Shawn, Brooke.'

Brooke sighed as she turned back to Shawn. "Well why couldn't you do that to Sam?"

"Oh come on, we've been over this," he muttered back. "I prefer how you met Amanda."

Now it was Brooke's turn to flush red. "Stereotypical male."

Brooke sighed. Sam had been talking this girl up for a few days saying how she absolutely had to meet her, and then had dragged her to a party one night.

Lo and behold she met Maya, and they had hit it off great. Then Sam had brought over Amanda, who was trashed.

'Brooke, I want you to meet Amanda.' Brooke had given a little wave, while Amanda just had this glassy eyed stare of someone completely gone.

'Nice to meet you Amanda,' Brooke got out, figuring Amanda would never remember.

Amanda came back, slurring heavily, 'Yurrrrr pertyyyy,' and then had kissed her flat out on the lips. Brooke had been so shocked it took her a few seconds to shove her off, and by then Sam was on the ground from laughing so hard.

"Or what about Gary," continued Shawn. "I like that one t…"

"Shut it leo!" she interrupted, using a nickname from that night. "We were both really really drunk."

Shawn smirked. "That seems to be a theme with you and meeting us. Someone's really drunk, and Sam ends up laughing. I wish I had a funny story about how any of us met Devon, but I can't think of one. Except for Sam meeting Devon I suppose."

Brooke smiled at that. Yea, that was a good one. Shawn and Devon had been roommates first year, so they had all sorts of good stories. "Yea, I almost wish I could have been there, gratuitous pretty boy nude shots and everything. Anyways, let's head back in. I've had enough reminiscing for one night."

* * *

Sam rose up off the couch as the credits on the movie started to roll. "Well that was… yea…" she said slowly. She went into the kitchen, and grabbed a glass of water.

"Pfft that was awesome! Car chases and shootouts and fighting. What more could you want!"

"How about something not shitty? Complete crap." she shot back pretty quickly. She regretted it though when Devon's face turned dark for a second. It passed pretty quickly.

"Well that's no good. I'm sure Brooke would have enjoyed it!" he said, his voice a bit cold.

Sam winced a bit. "Well I guess we'll never know, seeing as you didn't wanna go over. They were expecting us you know. Sometimes I wonder about your humanity." She stopped. Where had that come from? Digging herself a deeper hole tonight.

He smiled but it didn't spread to his eyes. "What's your problem? Feeling more moronic then usual? We both know they're doing fine without your sarcastic wit… oh wait, you don't even have that. Sometimes I wonder why they keep you around."

Sam didn't react to it. Tonight was not going to be a good night. She knew it was her fault. She always jumped at him, and he just gave back what she deserved. He loved her, and she loved him, but for some reason she just had this need to push him and he was always there to keep her in line.

She took a deep breath. This would only result in him having to show her what she'd done wrong. She deserved to be punished for it, but she should punish herself over it, not bother Devon. She didn't want to rile him up and have him coming at her. She always lost.

"I'm sorry," she offered.

Devon seemed to stare at her intently. "You should be. I don't like it when you get me all angry. It's not right of you. And you know better. Remember what I've told you."

Sam turned away, not saying anything.

"I said, remember what I've said," he continued softly.

Sam didn't react still, until she felt his hand on her shoulder and she jumped. His hand squeezed down. "I remember," she whispered.

"Good. Don't ever forget it. I love you." He released her and she released the breath she'd been holding, before turning and making her way to their bedroom.

She heard the door to the liquor cabinet open, and Sam sighed. Shitty.

* * *

October 3rd - Three weeks later

* * *

The door opened easily, and Sam took a deep breath before stepping in. She really didn't want to come home, even though it was a Friday and the week was over. She just wanted to stay at the library and do work, but there was no avoiding it. It was 6pm, and Devon would want to see her.

"Hey?" she asked questioningly, dropping her messenger bag on the ground, glad to be out of the heat. When no one answered she stepped further in.

The cold bit into her quickly, and she found goosebumps rising on her skin, which was weird. It was boiling outside, over 30 degrees Celsius (86 Fahrenheit), and it's not like they had air conditioning inside. By all accounts she should still be boiling.

Instead she found herself shivering. The house just felt cold, the atmosphere chilly. This wasn't home. This was all a lie.  
She sighed, pushing that thought away. She moved into the kitchen, figuring she should eat some dinner. She opened up a high cupboard and reached for one of the instant meals, groaning as she stretched out.

"Gah." Still in quite a bit of pain. Shoulda known. She did feel like shit in general. She threw the meal, some sort of pasta dish, into the microwave and turned it on before another violent shiver overtook her, causing her to spit out a curse at the pain that answered.

She made her way to her room, checking the temperature on the way over, finding that it actually was warm in here. She threw on a sweater and returned just as the microwave finished. She threw it on a plate and ate quickly.

She finished and started to clean when a knock came at the door. "Who is it?" Sam called out.

"You forgot didn't you?" answered the slightly muffled voice of her step-sister.

Sam swore quietly as she answered the door. "Uhhh… no?" she said half questioningly, half answering. "I just… am running late."

Brooke smiled and let out a little laugh as she stepped in. "You're always late, or always busy. Now come on, I'll help you get ready!"

Ugh. She had completely spaced on the night out that had been planned. And she really… really… REALLY didn't feel like going out. And Devon wanted to just spend the night with her. She didn't want to disappoint or anger him. "Eh I dunno. I'm not feeling so hot," she said meekly.

Brooke frowned at her. "You're never feeling well. What, do you not like me? Do I smell? Bad breath? I can take it you know! Lay it on me!" she said jokingly

"Har-har. It's not you… I just… Devon had planned on hanging out tonight! Just the two of us."

"Screw Devon! He always gets Sammy time. You're my sister and best friend, I need Sammy time, as do the rest of your friends."

Shock rode freely on her face at her statement. "Hey, watch what you say," she said reserved. "It's just… he's under a lot of stress and stuff. He'll be better once things lay off, you'll see."

"Sounds to me like your trying to convince yourself more then me," the blonde replied sardonically. "But whatever. The point is you're coming out or I'll… make up some story to tell Mom that gets you in trouble. I'll deal with Devon if I must!"

Sam sighed. Well… it could be worse she supposed. "Fine, just lemme get ready. What's the plan? Your place then a club?"

Brooke nodded. "That is the plan. Everyone's been dying to see you. It's been 2 week's since you last hung out with us. And even then it's like you weren't there."

Sam had begun making her way to her bedroom while Brooke talked, but turned just before we entered. "Can we not talk about this?" she asked softly.

"_There's something going on,"_ thought Brooke to herself. _"Something's very wrong with Sam."_ She'd noticed it for awhile. Against her better judgment however, the former cheerleader decided she'd let it drop… for now.

"Ok Sam. Here, lemme come help."

She started to make for the bedroom but a flash of fear came into Sam's eyes. "Nonono. No. Don't worry about it. I'll be quick."

Brooke frowned again. Why did Sam seem to worry about that? She'd helped Sam dozens of times; they'd been roommates for crying out loud. She'd seen it all pretty much. But she just stopped and nodded, looking around the house.

Brooke's thoughts drifted back to Sam pretty quickly. For the last 6 months or so Sam had steadily been falling away from her, from all her friends, spending more time at home and with Devon. What was even weirder was the normally self-confident, outgoing and outspoken journalist that Brooke once knew seemed to be fading away, becoming quiet, reserved and unsure. She seemed to look to Devon for everything, for his approval in everything. It just wasn't Sam.

Sam re-appeared really quickly, dressed up in a form fitting pair of jeans and a green blouse with elbow length sleeves. In typical Sam style, she barely had any make-up on, though there did seem to be some around her right eye. Brooke tried to get a better look but Sam just walked past her towards the door. "Come on, let's go. You drove?"

Brooke shook off the bad feeling she got, nodded, and followed Sam out as she locked the door.

* * *

The party was in full swing at the _Pintadora's Knight_. She had no idea what the name meant, but it was a major club and was a guaranteed night of fun. It had loud music, but not to loud, so it was still possible to talk and hang out. They got lucky and found a large booth vacating just as they entered and quickly piled in.

Pretty much everyone was out, except Devon and Sarah, Shawn's girlfriend. She didn't know where Devon was, and she'd only seen Sarah a few times. It seemed like Shawn hid her away from his friends.

"Packed tonight," said Amanda beside her.

Shawn, sitting across from Brooke, answered. "So we gonna set you up tonight Amanda?"

Amanda snorted. "You? Set me up? You couldn't set up a piece of a puzzle with its other piece in a 2 piece puzzle."

"That was weak," he retorted.

Brooke just smiled evilly at him. "She just wanted to make sure you understood it."

Shawn held his hands out. "Ok ok, no need to gang up! But seriously. Are we, meaning everyone, gonna get the chance to set you up?"

Brooke turned to her friend as Amanda just rolled her eyes. "Maybe I have a hoochy and just don't wanna tell you."

"Hoochy!" burst out Brooke, starting to laugh, causing Sam to look over. Sam had been very quiet so far, drinking plenty enough to get drunk but not really saying much. "Hey Sam, apparently Amanda has a hoochy."

Sam gave a half smile. "I'd believe that. Probably has several stashed away."

"So tell me, what's her name?" jumped in Gary.

Amanda suddenly got all defensive. "I didn't say I had one. I said I might have one."

"Ahhh she doesn't! Right that means we get to set her up. How about her? No, her! Ooh ooh that one there!" said Shawn excitedly. "This is more fun then setting poor Gary up. I just know he's going to get shot down, but I figure you have a chance."

Amanda glanced her head at the 3 he pointed out. "Gaydar doesn't ring for any of them," she said quietly. Then broke into a smile. "But I suppose I'd still have a better chance then Gary."

Brooke zoned out as the light banter continued, instead focused on Sam who was zoning off again. Why hadn't Sam talked to her about whatever was bugging her? They were sisters – well, step-sisters, and they were best friends. What was stopping her?

Brooke excused herself out of the booth, then grabbed Sam. "Come on, let's dance," she said excitedly.

"Do we have to?" asked Sam worriedly. She wasn't sure how well she could dance right now.

"Yes, we have to. Sisterly bonding time!"

Sam groaned but let herself start being lead to the dance floor.

"Oh hey Sam! Long time no see!"

Brooke's head snapped around at the familiar voice. It was Nicole.

"Nicole," replied Sam evenly. After the prom, they had gotten over their petty hate of each other. Not to say they had become friends, but they no longer insulted each other every second of the day. They had just sorta avoided each other. But Nicole sounded excited to see Sam.

"How have you been? I hear from Brookie about you all the time, but never get to actually see you."

Sam seemed to stare at Nicole for a second, so Brookie jumped in. "What are you doing here Nicole?"

Nicole cast her a quick glance. "Dancing. Listen, Sam, do you want to go sit down and hang out? We can catch up." Brooke found herself getting a little peeved about this. Who did Nicole think she was!

"Ummm, I dunno," started Sam.

"Sorry Nic! We were just about to catch up ourselves. We never get any sister time," Brooke quickly cut in.

Nicole's eyes flared. "Oh really? No time at all? Ok then. Well here, take my number. Call me sometime Sam." She handed a piece of paper to Sam. "You're looking good Sam. I read a few of your articles from last year in the paper. You're gonna do great."

Sam mumbled thanks back as Brooke dragged Sam rather forcibly into the throng of people.

Nicole sure knew how to spoil Brooke's mood. Since that phone call Nic would just randomly show up, always finding some way to get on her nerves. It was really starting to piss her off.

She tried to let go of her anger as she started to dance with Sam, coming in close to her. Sam however, seemed to grow nervous and took a half step back. That was weird; normally they were perfectly comfortable around each other, dancing up a storm. But Sam seemed uncomfortable with her.

The song finished and then Sam mumbled something and took off. Brooke followed her, leading her back to the table, where Amanda was having a mocking argument with Shawn… again. If Amanda wasn't gay Brooke would have sworn the two of them were married.

"Hey babe," a voice whispered into her ear, and Brooke turned to her boyfriend, Chris. "Did ya miss me?" he asked sultrily.

"Oh I dunno. You're nothing special," she replied slyly, grinning before planting a kiss on him. They broke apart quickly. "How was work?"

"Ugh. Don't get me started. Their all morons," he said happily as he sat down. "How was your day sweety?"

"Not bad. Classes and slacking. Enjoyable," she answered, her worries about Sam disappearing for a moment.

He smiled at her. "Good. Have a good time dancing with Sam?"

"You bet," she answered as her worries returned.

Sam rose. "I'm gonna take off. I'm not feeling so great and Devon is waiting for me." Brooke glanced at her watch. It was only 10:30. Really early.

"Come on Sam, stay out," said Gary beside her.

She shook her head. "You guys have fun. I'll cya later." She gave Brooke a half hug before taking off.

Chris watched Brooke as she watched Sam leave, then when Brooke's attention returned to him, gave her a grin. "You wanna head home too? Turn on the fireplace, some nice music…" he trailed off.

Brooke gave him a little smile. Not like she had any reason to stay out now. She didn't see Maya around; she had probably found a guy quick-like and disappeared already. Amanda and Shawn would be fighting for the next hour and Gary… Gary just enjoyed watching the two of them go at it, joining in on Shawn's side occasionally.

"Yea, let's go." She turned to the others. "We're gonna take off. Not much of a night out guys, sorry. I'll make it up to you."

Amanda just smirked. "Cya love! Have a good night." The two left, leaving Shawn, Gary, and Amanda.

"Well… now that it's just the three of us, I think you can tell us who you're hoochy is," started Shawn quietly.

"Don't," answered Amanda dangerously. "There isn't one ok. Just drop it."

Shawn held up his hands. "Fine. But what about Maya! Another guy tonight. That's the third this week!"

Amanda sighed. "We've been over this. She never does anything with them. Making out, maybe, but no more."

"Fat chance! She's totally a player!" jumped in Gary.

Amanda cut back. "Whatever. I think you should worry about yourself Gary."

"Well with a wingman like Shawn, can you blame me?"

Shawn took offence. "Hey, it's not like you're any better!"

"What do you mean! You've been… well hell, I don't even know the word, you're like a half couple I suppose, but you've been a half couple with Sarah for like a year now."

"Yea, we never get to see her! Makes me wonder about you two," jumped in Amanda.

Shawn sighed. "Whatever. Are we trying to set either of you up tonight, or shall we head home?"

The two both chorused back with, "Home." They rose and headed outside, deciding to walk with it being so nice out.

"What's up with Devon lately?" asked Gary. "He never hangs out with us."

"I dunno," answered Shawn half heartedly.

Amanda shot him a dirty look. He knew something, she was sure of it. "Oh come on, you were his roommate first year and lived with him and Gary the last 2 years. You know him best. What's up?"

"Lacrosse I guess. I really don't know. Ask Chris, they're all buddy-buddy." Amanda let it drop. Shawn knew something. Maybe it had something to do with the weird way Sam was acting too. They continued walking in amicable silence for awhile.

"You think tonight's the night they break up?"

Shawn and Gary shot Amanda a look at her comment. "Who breaks up?"

"Chris and Brooke. Haven't you noticed? The last month or so they've totally been drifting. It seems to me like it's the same type of relationship Brooke described her first relationship in high school was," she continued calmly.

Shawn seemed confused. "What? You mean happy? Loving? They look so good together."

"Yea, they seem like perfect matches."

Amanda snorted. "You boys are thick, aren't you? There's nothing there. Brooke will realize it eventually. I wonder if she'll reali…" she stopped, both walking and talking, midword. "Oh…" she said, as a revelation, a 'ping' if you will, hit her. "No… couldn't be."

Gary and Shawn stopped, looking quite confused. "What!"

Amanda resumed walking as though nothing happened. "Nothing. Crazy idea." She ignored their attempts to pressure her to tell them, but they were persistent. When they finally reached home, she just walked to her room and slammed the door behind her.

"Men," she said humouredly.

"Women…" the two men commented in the living room.

* * *

Devon stumbled over the crack in the sidewalk, cursing. "God damn crack," he said slowly, shaking his head. "God damn team."

Practice had sucked this afternoon. He recalled it pretty vividly.

Kevin missed another pass from Devon, and Coach naturally caught the slip up. 'Come on Devon, help Kevin out. He's having problems.' Coach came over. 'You're the captain, that's your job.'

Devon glowered. Who the hell was Kevin to cause him problems! He'd worked so hard to get here. So he had jogged over to Kevin and started screaming at him about how he was making him look bad, he was bringing shame to the uniform, to the school.

Coach intervened quickly, and had the gall to be angry with him after the way he had chewed Devon out over Kevin messing up! He had only done what Coach had told him!

His backtalk hadn't helped, and in the end he came out looking like a moron to the team. He didn't like looking like a moron, didn't like being put down. He'd show them all. They'd see.

He stumbled again, this time over nothing. After practice he had headed over to a bar and gotten a pretty good buzz going, draining down 8 or 9 beers quick like. He glanced at his watch, trying to focus in on it.

"11 huh. Good, Sam will be home." He smiled as he talked to himself. That was good. He could let some steam off with her. He'd be nice and relaxed for the game coming up.

Good.

* * *

Sam sighed as she lay down on the couch watching TV. There was nothing on at 11pm at night on a Friday. Just lame infomercials, but she didn't have the will to do anything more. So instead she sat there, lost in thought.

"_I'll always love you like no one else will."_ Devon's words floated to the top. Such bittersweet words. She knew Devon loved her, and she loved him for loving her. She didn't know what she would do without him.

Her stomach turned sour at that thought, but she ignored it. Then her shoulder started to throb and she ignored that as well.

Finally her knee started to hurt and she got up, trying to push all of it away.

She heard someone climbing up the steps just outside, and a key being put into the lock, Sam having locked the door upon coming home.

Love started to rise up, but it was capped off by something else, and was lost in the haze of emotions that rose up. She started to back towards her room, spurned by her feelings, but the door opened a minute later to reveal Devon.


	3. Part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own it, nor do I seek or receive monetary gain for this. It is for the enjoyment that I write and post this.

for flashbacks

* * *

Saturday October 4th 

_"This just doesn't work,"_ thought Brooke as she lay on the bed. Chris was, as usual, asleep next to her, after another un-spectacular go at it last night. _"There's just nothing here."_

She rolled over and got up, trying not to disturb him. She quickly shrugged on her clothes, before heading out silently. It was early morning, and she had spent the night largely sleepless, instead tossing and turning and thinking.

She succeeded in escaping the house without waking Chris. Not that she had to worry about it, he could sleep through a bomb. He was a heavy sleeper, especially after they had sex. She didn't even think of it as making love anymore. He practically fell asleep the moment they were done, and wouldn't be up for another 2 or 3 hours from now even.

And the sex itself… well to take a page from one of the great authors she had read, possibly online, the whole event seemed more like insert Tab A into Slot B. Chris enjoyed it to no end, but not her. There was just… no spark. No enjoyment. When they had first started having sex, she had thought that it would get better. She'd only done it a few times before Chris, and just figured they needed time to get used to each other.

Instead things had just seemed to get worse. And even worse, now she found herself not even connecting with him out of the bedroom in any aspect. Not emotionally, not mentally. Not in any way, shape, or form!

As usual, when her mind wandered she found her feet would drift. She knew her feet were taking her somewhere, but she didn't know where, just that it felt right so she let them.

She sighed. Chris tried really hard. She didn't doubt that he loved her. He was always looking out for her, thinking about what he could do for her, and she liked him. But, like so many relationships with guys before, she didn't love him. She couldn't see a future with him.

Maybe she was never meant to find anyone? Destined to be alone? Well that was silly, she didn't believe in fate. But maybe… maybe she was incapable of feeling love. Or at least romantic love. She loved her dad, she loved Jane and Mac, and she even loved Sam – in a sisterly way of course!

She kicked a pebble in front of her and stopped, watching it skitter down the sidewalk. Why did life have to be so hard sometimes? It always leads to angst, and god she hated that! She hated having these little journeys of self discovery, it always lead to her having to do something hard. Hard like breaking up with Chris.

What was she supposed to tell him? She didn't even know herself! She just knew that they weren't meant to be together. It reminded her of her situation with Josh. Eerily familiar when she thought about it really. At least she had some experience with it right?

And yet that felt so wrong. To be likening one breakup to another. Shouldn't each relationship be its own entity, and thereby even the breakup should be different, right? Ahh hell, she didn't even know!

She wished Sam were here. The old Sam of first and second year university. She'd know exactly what to do, what to say, to make her feel better. Sam had been her rock after she'd been hit by the car, just like Sam had been for Jane after Joe had died. Always there for her, for anyone.

But she wasn't the same, and Brooke felt Sam had enough on her plate without throwing her problems on top. She passed by a Starbucks, and a light bulb suddenly flicked in her head. Duhhhh! She was meeting Amanda for coffee this morning anyways at 10, but she wouldn't mind meeting earlier, maybe get some help sorting this through. Amanda always got up early, like sevenish early, even on the weekend, and it was 7:30, so Brooke gave her a call, asking her to meet her at eight, which Amanda agreed to. Amanda was a good listener, she'd be able to help! And she had this sudden feeling that there was some other question that she wanted to ask Amanda.

An inward frown formed at that. Her subconscious was pushing at her about something, and she couldn't figure out what it was. That was going to bug her to no end now. Every once in awhile her subconscious worked something out, and tried to clue her in to whatever it was. And it was always important, but she had no idea what this one could be about. It might be related to what she had been thinking about, or it could be on the opposite spectrum, she really had no idea, and history showed it could be anything.

She decided to push it away and ignore it for now, and figure out where she was so she could get to their favored coffee shop. Glancing up, she realized her legs had brought here there anyways. She was 10 minutes early but she went in anyways.

The place was called 'Brazillian Joy'. It imported only the finest coffee beans and made all sorts of specialty coffees, but they still had cheap yet quality coffee for the budget conscious student. It was an open café, not too large but not small, with comfortable seats and small tables. The perfect hang out for students.

She ordered her usual, with no sugar and one cream, then found a seat. Amanda showed up just as she sat down and ordered quickly before joining her.

"How was your night?" asked Brooke to start.

"Dullsville. We went home after you all left, and then pretty much called it a night. Well, the guys stayed up late gaming."

Brooke smiled. Shawn and Gary could get pretty intense over games. The latest one was some hockey game for that new xbox system. She had been woken up a few times to one howling about the other. She didn't get mad or anything, as they never played if someone really needed to sleep, and if she felt like it she could get up and go watch them fight like brothers. That was always funny.

It's funnier then it sounds, it really is! "Oh boy, such awesome friends we have."

Amanda didn't answer immediately, instead staring at her inquisitively, causing Brooke to shift a little in her chair. "You're doing it today then?" she asked, catching Brooke completely unawares.

"Wha… what?" Amanda just kept staring at her. "You mean breaking up with Chris?" Amanda nodded at Brooke. "How did you…" She stopped. Amanda had never said anything, but Brooke had been getting the feeling that Amanda had not been expecting Chris to be around much longer. She wasn't sure how she got the feeling, or who Amanda had thought would break it off, but she supposed that was answered. "Never mind. And yea."

Amanda sighed. "Can't say I'm overly broken up about it. Then again, I don't think you are either." Brooke didn't say anything, which caused her to continue. "I doubt anyone else picked it up. The boys can be rather thick most of the time when it comes to people, Maya has been too busy with her randoms, and Sam has been… Sam."

Brooke didn't think that was completely accurate about the boys being thick, at least to everybody. Well, at least for Shawn, as he was pretty close with Sam, behind only her and Devon in closeness. He was in tune with Sam in some ways that Brooke wasn't, and maybe even Devon, which made her jealous in a way. But that was ok, Sam's best friend had been Harrison for 10 odd years, so it stood to reason that for some things she was just more comfortable around a guy.

What Amanda said about Maya and Sam though… well Maya was always too busy, but god knows why cause she never hung out with the random guy for long. And Sam had been just not herself.

"I may have let it slip to the guys that I thought that," she continued.

"Oh? Well whatever, I'm not overly worried about it." The lapsed into a comfortable silence for awhile, sipping at their coffee and watching people walk by.

Amanda finally let loose a sigh. "Sometimes I wonder about why people are the way they are." Brooke glanced over at her normally quiet friend. This was a turn from the regular. "Like why do some people fall in love with others? Why others seem to never find the one. Do we have soul mates? Is everything fate? Or do we have complete control of ourselves. More then that, how do we know the other feels the same about us? What if we are outside the box like me? It's a lot harder to just go up to a girl and ask her out, I never know if she's possibly interested. I just know that most of them will look at me like I'm insane and just push me away."

_"I know the feeling more then you think I do,"_ she thought to herself, but immediately frowned. She did? How the hell did she have any idea what it was like! She'd always been straight lace, in the box; she didn't have a clue what to think of that thought.

Amanda suddenly started saying, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be talking to you about this stuff."

Brooke realized she had been frowning and Amanda must have taken it the wrong way. "No no, it's good for you to get it out. I just felt like I could relate or…" She paused, and then before she knew it she asked, "How did you know you were gay?"

The words shocked Brooke herself, and she actually jumped as she asked them. Amanda for her part turned from dour to a full on smile in no time flat. "Now that's interesting! I knew it! I coulda swore it pinged!" She said it so excitedly and loudly that Brooke actually looked around to make sure no one was looking.

"Quiet! Let's include everyone here on our conversation. I don't even know where that came from! It just… slipped out."

Amanda turned a bit more serious and quiet. "I'm sorry. I really am. The gaydar pinged awhile back with you but since it's not always right, I had dismissed it. It pinged again pretty hard last night when I was talking and thinking with the boys about you."

"Really?" Brooke asked confused. "I… didn't think I'd done anything to show that. I mean I haven't even thought about it before now."

Amanda shrugged. "I can't speak from experience as my coming out was significantly different, but some people just subconsciously send out the vibe. Now I'm not saying your gay, cause you obviously don't know. But I guess it would be worth considering now, don't you think?"

Brooke slowly nodded. "Yea… I suppose so." She looked down to the table then, and let her mind wander temporarily; trying to understand what had possessed her to ask the question. Amanda seemed content to let Brooke think about it, but Brooke really had no idea where to begin. It's not like she'd ever been attracted to another girl romantically. She could appreciate the female form as much as the next person, and girls generally tended to be more compatible with her on the mental and emotional side…

But that didn't make her gay did it? She still found men attractive. Take Josh, she found him physically attractive, but not emotionally or mentally. Harrison was the exact opposite, not to say he wasn't handsome in his own right but that's beside the point here!

"This is a mess," Brooke couldn't help but mutter out.

Amanda gave her a sympathetic smile. "I can imagine. It's never easy to face yourself. Oh, here comes Maya."

Maya bounded up all excited. "Hey girls! How are you this great amazing morning? It's just so beautiful out!"

Her happiness and energy were, as usual, contagious, and Brooke found herself smiling despite her feelings otherwise. Amanda answered with a fine, while Brooke said, "A morning of revelations!" Maya just smiled at her, expecting her to continue. Brooke suddenly felt nervous about even sharing this. "I uhhh… apparently am questioning my sexuality."

"Oh really! That's great!" exclaimed Maya, as usual excited. She should know that Maya would never be anything but happy. "Well not great that you're a little confused, but great that you're questioning anything! Oooh does this mean we get to have all the talks and…"

Amanda butted in. "Easy there Maya. Let's not drown the girl right now. She didn't even realize it until about 2 minutes ago."

Maya only replied with an "Oh," before falling silent, much to Brooke's shock.

"So… If you don't mind me asking Amanda, could you answer the question I asked you?" began Brooke unsteadily.

"How dare you ask me such a question!" scowled Amanda mockingly before grinning. "It was about a stretch of 5 minutes that made me switch sides. 10th grade, I was at a party. Anyways I got lucky, or rather unlucky, and Brad Faye, the quarterback, took me up to a room and we started making out. Anyways, long story short 2 minutes later I'd bailed, and then grabbed a close friend and for some reason I can't explain to you, just started making out with her. She reciprocated, and I… came out that way. In the middle of the living room with all the guys cheering us on. Came out to my parents shortly after as they were very liberal, and dated Karen for 6 months before breaking it off. So… it wasn't a big question with me, it just felt natural."

Brooke sighed. "Great. That doesn't really help me. I guess things with Chris haven't been too natural, but with Harrison it all really was quite natural save for the… physical side. I just don't get it."

"Maybe you weren't gay then," starts Maya. "I mean, people change right? Easiest way to test this is to just get you really drunk and…"

"No!" exclaimed both Brooke and Amanda. "This isn't a game," said Amanda a little angrily.

"Yea!" added Brooke weakly.

"Ok… Sorry I said anything. Well why don't we go to the logical start and ask what started this?"

Brooke thought for a moment while the two awaited her response. "I… really don't know. I never thought about it. There's no one that I can think of."

Amanda gave her an amused look. "We didn't ask if someone started it. We asked what… But now we can narrow it down to the fact that it was someone!"

"What! How does me misinterpreting the question equate to that!" Brooke muttered. "Oh forget it." Amanda was probably just teasing her anyways.

A pause came over the three before Brooke spotted Shawn and Gary making their way towards them down the street. "Oh boy. Here comes Gary and Shawn. Please you two, don't say a word to anyone. They'd have a field day with it! And for the love of god don't tell Sam please. Promise me? Not a word to Sam!"

They both quickly promised and the two boys gave their greeting.

Brooke glanced at her watch and sighed. "Well… Chris will probably be up. I guess now is as good a time as ever for the talk." She winced a little at the prospect of what she had to do.

Shawn's mouth opened a bit like a fish for a moment before closing. "Un-freaking-believable," he muttered, and Brooke shot him a questioning look. "Amanda, you scare me sometimes."

Amanda grinned. "I'm of the female persuasion. You males should fear us all."

Shawn grumbled and pulled out a bill before passing it over to Amanda. "I'll get you back!"

Brooke's jaw actually dropped. "You two really need to get a life! Betting on my love life, me breaking up with Chris of all things!" said Brooke with a mock frown on her face. "Despicable!"

Shawn and Amanda just shrugged. "Yea, we are," commented Shawn. "And you love us for it." Brooke stuck out her tongue at the two, and Amanda just raised her eyebrow and smiled wickedly causing Brooke to flush red.

"Uhhh… anyways I'll talk to you guys later. Let's just hang out at home tonight, I'm not gonna want to do anything else. Pity party, girls only though!" she said morosely.

They all gave her quick hugs as she turned and left the coffee shop.

* * *

Brooke opened the door as quietly as she could, hoping to slip in with Chris still sleeping. Hs roommate had been out last night, so they had had the place to themselves last night, and probably still. 

Her hopes were dashed when she saw him sipping coffee at the table, reading the paper. He saw her but didn't acknowledge her over his coffee. Brooke wished she could be anywhere but there at that moment.

"Hey," she started unsteadily.

He looked at her, a little cold. "Have fun going out?"

Great start. "Not really," she replied. "Chris, we have to talk."

Chris lowered his paper, giving her a quick appraisal. "Of course we do. Brooke, this is a load of bullshit."

"What?" What the hell was happening here?

"You! You're a load of bullshit. Come on, don't tell me you're not breaking up with me. You got your fill and are just dumping me," he spat out angrily.

Brooke was shocked by this outburst. Where was he coming from! "Excuse me? I'm not using you. I never was. Good god I should have done this after our 3rd date, I hung in here because you seemed to want it so bad."

"I did! I gave you everything, what the hell else do you want? You never put anything into this relationship. Even the sex was one-sided."

Brooke looked at him aghast. "One sided! I hated having sex but did it for you. What is this bullshit you're coming up with? What in the hell is wrong with you?"

Chris glowered at her. "I know what this is about. It's about your friends, it's about the pressure you put on yourself. You have to be miss perfect, it's what landed you in the hospital with an eating disorder before, so you have to date. Well I've got a way easier solution for you bitch. Just stick a finger down your throat again!"

Brooke's eyes teared up. Where did he get off saying that? "You son of a bitch. This was never about that. If you ever…"

"Oh please. Save it princess bitchalot. This isn't even about that is it? This is about Sam. She was going out with Devon, and you felt the need to go out with someone too, you were feeling lonely and jealous and hell, a little competitive. And lo and behold there I am, the perfect guy to stay close with her since I'm tight with Devon. You know what? You're unbelievable." He was getting pretty red faced by now, and Brooke suddenly felt nervous.

"How the hell did I never notice this retarded asshole side of you before? I never knew you, did I? Stay the hell away from me!" She started to walk out.

"You can run from my words, but we both know they're the truth. You have problems Brooke. Get some therapy. I'll be in touch"

Brooke didn't reply as she slammed the door angrily behind her, not even bothering to collect the stuff she left there nor reply to his last statement. She could get Sam or Devon to pick her stuff up later.

She walked towards the bus station. She had given her car to Sam at the start of 3rd year when Sam had moved out with Devon as their apartment was considerably further from campus while Brooke's house was a mere 5 minute walk. Plus Shawn had a car so it's not like the house needed a second one.

She arrived at the bus stop, glowering, and the other people waiting gave her a wide margin, not even making eye contact with her. Where did Chris get off being such an asshole to her! She'd given it her all, given him four months of her life and tried to make it work. And he gets off on insulting her and going after her self image problem. It had only been four months!

Brooke almost felt like resorting to it to make herself feel better, but knew she never would. She had made a promise, and it was one she would never break.

She had the sudden urge to call Sam, to talk to her. Whenever she doubted herself she always wanted to talk to the person who had made her see how stupid she was with her eating.

Her thoughts drifted back to that day in senior year.

--Flashback--

Brooke stood in the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror again. She was wearing her very revealing cheerleader uniform, the one that should make her feel sexy and hot, but she didn't right now. She knew she had to leave now to make it to practice before school, but she was rooted here. She lifted her shirt and grabbed her stomach, feeling what seemed like 40 pounds of fat on it.

"_I am so fat. How could anyone ever love me?_"

She turned to the side. All she could see was a huge beast that no one would ever want.

"Stop that." Sam's voice scared her so much she jumped a good half foot of the ground. She lowered her shirt and turned as Sam opened the door which was only partly closed.

"Stop what?" asked Brooke hesitantly.

Sam stepped up to her. "We're not playing that game Brooke."

"Well what game are we playing at Sam?" Brooke replied uncertainly.

"We're not playing a game." Without saying anything else Sam reached out and lifted Brooke's shirt to just above her belly button. "Brooke, there's nothing wrong with you. God knows I wish I had a body like yours. You're just so… perfect. Not like me." The words seemed to come haltingly out of Sam, and Brooke realized how hard it was for Sam to be confronting her like this.

Sam, who didn't care what people thought, who was so proud and unwilling to admit fault. Who shouldn't give a shit about any of this. "What are you talking about Sammy?" asked Brooke. "You're beautiful."

Sam gave her a half smile. "Brooke, every time you look at yourself in the mirror like that, I look at myself afterwards and feel disgusted. Because if you think you're not beautiful, then I know that I'm no where close to being anything even worthy of consideration. So please, don't feed me that line."

Brooke was taken aback. Sam had just admitted she worried about her looks. Sam was actually opening up to her.

Brooke took a step back, to take in Sam. She had just woken up and was wearing nothing more then a tank top and a pair of boxers. Brooke was amazed by Sam's beauty. Shapely legs, firm upper body and her angelic face. And those lips… what Brooke wouldn't give for Sam's lips.

Sam had watched as Brooke had looked her over, cringing at her gaze. "Brooke, please, I…"

"Sammy. I want you to listen to me closely. You are positively radiant and one of the most beautiful people I know. When you walk into a room, everyone is immediately drawn to you and your beauty."

Sam shook her head. "Brooke, I am a lamp to your sun. So please, don't patronize me. Not when I know what you think, what you want to do."

Brooke started to get angry. "Damn it Sam, what is your problem? This isn't about you."

"Who said it was?" asked Sam quietly. "Brooke, please. Think about what you do to yourself. Think about the repercussion it has on everyone around you."

Brooke was still angry though, and just continued with, "I will do whatever the hell I want to do."

Sam didn't answer for a moment, seemingly defeated. "What if you relapse? What if you die this time? What happens then? Your parents, Mac… What about me Brooke?"

The pain in Sam's voice was deafening, Brooke just wanted to hold Sam to try and comfort her, and in fact made a move to do so, but Sam just stepped back, and Brooke saw that she was crying.

"Don't…" Sam started, bowing her head. "I can't take losing anyone else I... anyone else I love. I may have been unwilling before, but you're my sister Brooke, and I love you like any other family member."

Brooke felt tears well up at her eyes. "You're my sister too Sam, and I love you too. I'm sorry. I promise you, I swear to you on my grandmother's grave that I will look after myself. That I will never fall into those old habits."

Sam looked up at Brooke, hope in her eyes, and then threw her arms around Brooke, hugging her tight as she whispered into her ear, "Thank you," over and over. Brooke just smiled, knowing that she had finally found a way to beat her problem, possibly help Sam, and maybe bring her and Sam closer.

--Flashback end--

Ever since then, Brooke had kept her word, and had never even had a tiny relapse. She still had problems with her body image, but she dealt with them in a much better method – kickboxing. She went anytime that she was feeling bad about her body and just beat the crap out of the air, or sometimes a punching bag, and it always made her feel better. Plus it was fun and a great way to stay in shape.

She flicked out her phone and dialed Sam up. The phone rang 5 times, and just as she thought it was about to go to voice mail, Sam answered.

"Hello?" asked Sam, sound tired and almost… pained.

"Did you just wake up sis?" Brooke asked. "Sorry! I know you musta been burning the midnight candle with Devon last night," she said somewhat more suggestively.

"Uhhh… what? Who is this?" she asked, speaking very slowly.

Brooke laughed. "Wow, I knew you weren't a morning person but this! Come on Sam, it's me, Brooke!"

Sam seemed to come alive. "Oh shit, Brooke. I'm sorry." She was still speaking slow and drawn out, and still sounded weird but she was more herself. "I'm not feeling so well."

"Obviously! Anyways, I just… I just broke up with Chris." There was no answer. "Did you hear me? I just broke up with Chris."

"I heard you," replied Sam distantly. "Shit."

"Yea, well time for some BFF-sister time. Can you meet up with me?"

Sam didn't answer. "Brooke… I can't."

"Oh come on Sam. You're not gonna make me play the game of us going back and forth until you eventually give in. Do it another time," Brooke said, mostly joking.

"I'm not playing. I really can't."

"Well why not?" asked Brooke, a little angrily. Come on! She just broke up with her boyfriend and she needed some best friend time!

Sam started to sigh but her breath seemed to hitch and she stopped midway through the sigh, almost like it was pained. A moments pause and then, "I'm really sick. And Devon…"

"Oh for crying out loud. You're my sister and my best friend, but you act like Devon's the only thing in your life. What the hell is wrong with you? I break up and you don't even give a shit?"

Sam's voice came back pained. "Brooke, please. You're taking this wrong. You're my best friend, but I just… I can't. If I could I would."

"Yea well you know what Sam, I don't think I want you around anymore. I'll see you tomorrow for family dinner I guess."

Sam's voice returned. "I don't think I'll be able to make it. I'm swamped and like I said, I'm sick."

"Tell that to Jane. I'm sure she'll be thrilled. Bye." Brooke hung up angrily. Where did Sam get off doing shit like that? She totally wasn't being a good friend. First Chris being an ass and then this!

She took a deep breath. It did no good to freak out like this. She had other friends. It just wouldn't be the same though. Sam was too much a part of her life for her to not want her there.

* * *

Sam felt really bad about saying no to Brooke, but she really couldn't go. She wasn't feeling to hot, her sleep last night had been pretty weak. She had her article to do, and not to mention Devon had mentioned to her that she shouldn't go out today, he wanted to spend time with her. 

She had just woken up, and trudged her way out to have a quick breakfast and read the paper. Devon had taken off earlier; Sam didn't know where and didn't particularly care at the moment. Besides, she had yet another article to work on. This one was based on a bunch of fictional information she was given, and the information was… dry… to say the least. More like a snooze-fest.

She sat down at her laptop and quickly scanned through what she had written before starting to write again. Or rather, stare at her laptop screen typing out seemingly random words, lost in thought.

For some reason her thoughts kept coming back to Brooke. She knew she should feel worse about blowing her off today, especially with her having broken up with Chris, but she just couldn't bring herself to feel remorse over it. Scratch that, she could. Somehow, she knew that the breakup would be placed at her feet.

Maybe it was true? Maybe she hadn't been paying attention to the signs and could have helped. Maybe she'd said something about Chris to Brooke that she shouldn't have. She couldn't really remember, she was so stupid like that sometimes, she should of learned by now after the hundreds of times.

Sam quickly took a deep breathe and tried to restore some semblance of calm. Beating herself up for her failures as a person wouldn't get her anywhere. She had to remain strong and suck it up, self improvement and all that shit. She had someone who helped her with that!

She started to type again, and she tried to pay attention, she really did, but once again her mind drifted. She missed Brooke. Hell, she missed most of her friends. On the other hand, she was just trying to improve as a person, and Devon was insistent on helping her. He was careful to help her with anything, and ensured that she never needed to go to anyone else for help, while pointing out flaws and ways to fix them.

Besides, she wasn't entirely sure Brooke or anyone would help her now. She'd slowly been drifting from them all, and now wasn't so sure she was friends with them anymore.

"_Gah! I'm doing it again. Must… Work!_" she thought to herself angrily. She found herself being able to concentrate less and less, and sometimes even wondered what the hell she was doing in university. It's not like she had a future in it. She'd graduate and no editor would touch her, she just knew it.

"_No! Come on Sam, be positive!_" she tried to persuade herself. She started to type again, and got on a good string, getting a solid half hour of work before she heard the door open.

"Hey Sammy baby? How are you?" Devon was home.

She saved and got up from her laptop, dragging herself into the living room. "Hey. Not so good," she said quietly.

"Aww, you need anything? Oh I know, how about I give you a backrub."

"No thanks," Sam replied quickly, surprising herself. She felt herself tense up a bit. "I'm uhhh… not in the mood."

Devon frowned. "Oh… ok. Well how about we just cuddle up and watch a movie or something? We can just be together."

That prospect made Sam tense up even more."Ummm, I dunno. I don't think that's such a good idea."

"No?" he replied neutrally.

"Yea…"

Devon's smile seemed to return. "Ok, well should I cook you something?"

"Not hungry," Sam shot back curtly.

"Ok Sam, what's wrong? You're angry or something. Taking it out on me doesn't help anything. I love you, but if you don't love me I unde…"

Sam quickly interrupted. "No, I love you, I swear. I love you more then anything, I don't know what's wrong with me. Weird day."

Devon quirked an eyebrow. "You show your love in a funny way."

Sam felt the overwhelming need to please Devon. "I know, I'm a moron, I'm sorry."

"Yea, but you're my moron," he said smiling. "You can make it up to me later," he continued, his voice dropping a little.

Sam suddenly got nervous, but pushed it aside. "Ok that sounds good."

The phone rang and Sam let Devon answer it as was proper. "Hello?... Oh hey Chris, how are you?... What! That bitch!" Sam cringed. She knew what it was about, but how could he call her best friend a bitch? "Yea man, I'll be right over… Nah, Sam can chill for a bit. As long as I'm back for tonight… Yea sounds good. Cya shortly." He hung up and turned to her. "Your bitchy step-sister dumped Chris. I'm gonna go over and hang out with him for a bit. You'll stay here?

"Yea, I'll go take a nap," replied Sam, unwilling to bring up what he was saying about Brooke for fear he'd take offence.

"Ok good. Need you good and rested for tonight." Sam nodded and left the room silently while Devon started to leave.

* * *

The stupid phone wouldn't stop ringing, and Sam swore as she rolled over in the bed to Devon's side and grabbed it. She had been having such a good dream… or at least she thought she had been, she had trouble remembering what it was about but had a feeling it involved someone familiar. 

"Hello?" she asked sleepily.

"Sam, it's Shawn," came back a slightly irate voice.

Sam sighed. Shawn. She didn't get that guy. "What's up?"

"Were you just sleeping? Nevermind, not important. Look, I really think you should come over tonight. Brooke is really down about the breakup, or at least over something and she could use you. You're her best friend, you gotta be there for her. Us guys are getting kicked out for the night so it's just the gals tonight."

Great, as always Shawn was trying to 'help' one person or another. "I'm sick. And Devon and I have plans later."

"Devon's probably busy with Chris. Besides, plans can change. Come on, what's wrong with you, ditching out on your best friends."

"_Just doing it before you do on me_," she thought but didn't say. Instead, she opted with the standard, "I'd love to, I really would, but I can't!"

"If Brooke was sick, she'd still be right there. Now get your cute ass out of bed McPherson!"

Without even realizing it Sam started to rise, but then stopped halfway out. "Fuck off Shawn," she shot back.

"Ahhh, there's the Sam of old, a bit of fire at last."

"Shawn, I'm not in the mood. Go jump off a bridge!"

Shawn's laughter greeted her. "Oooh you wound me Sam. Wound me indeed." Sam's growl was all that answered. "What's wrong with you? You normally would be all for being there for your friends."

"There's nothing wrong Shawn, it's just in your head." And she meant every word.

Shawn just sighed. "Look, Sam, would you just do this for all of us? Brooke could really use you, and Devon won't mind, I'll talk to him." Sam knew that Devon and Shawn were still pretty good friends… that Devon told Shawn a lot about their relationship.

Sam caved. "Ok fine. I'll get dressed and be over in an hour."

"Really? You mean I actually convinced you for once… errr, nevermind! Yay! Yay indeed. Ok well I'll cya later, I think we'll be gone by the time you show up. Have a good time!" Shawn hung up with a click. Sam lowered the phone and pulled herself off the bed slowly.

She immediately felt dizzy but pushed past it, stumbling into the bathroom. She shrugged off her PJ's, turned on the shower and got in, leaning against the wall.

She really didn't feel like putting on the façade that tonight would be. It wasn't that Sam didn't care about Brooke, or her other friends, it's that she knew that they didn't think much of her. They kept her around cause they had to, cause she was with Devon, and she wondered how they were so good at hiding it.

Brooke may be the one exception to that though. Brooke…

For some reasons Sam's thoughts had been coming more and more to her over the past 6 months. She didn't know what was causing it, or why it was happening. To tell the truth, Sam didn't really know what the hell was going on. She was so off-balance, not really sure what she was doing with her life, that trying to figure this out was simply too much for her right now.

What she did know was that she wanted to do what was best for Brooke, which meant she really should try to break off ties with her. She would do nothing but drag Brooke down.

But Sam acknowledged that that wasn't her choice to make. Brooke seemed to want her to be a part of her life, and Sam had to honor that wish, as hard as it may be. She could never do anything to hurt Brooke so she would stick around until she finally dropped Sam.

Sam stepped out of the shower, feeling much better, both physically and emotionally, and proceeded to get ready. She pulled on simple jeans and a long sleeve sweater, as well as put some make-up on. It didn't take to long, nothing extravagant was needed.

She grabbed her purse and started for the door when the door opened up to reveal a grumbling Devon. He walked to the fridge not even acknowledging her where he pulled out a beer and took a big swig.

He turned to her and eyed her clothes and purse suspiciously. "Were you going out?"

"Yes. I'm going to be with Brooke. She is my best friend after all," she said, trying to sound confident.

"Oh is that what you were doing? See I thought you were just walking out on me, ditching our plans, to be with that stupid bitch of a step-sister you have," he said sneeringly.

Sam took a deep breathe, trying to keep control. Her sarcastic bitchy side was never good to unleash. "I'd appreciate it if you don't refer to her like that. And why aren't you hanging out with Chris? Maybe it would be a good idea if we just spent the night with them."

"Several things Sam. Brooke shouldn't need comforting, she dumped him remember, for no good reason. He was perfect to her, and she just dropped him. And Chris already has a date. He was gracing Brooke by dating her, did you know the girls were already lining up for him?"

Sam was surprised by that statement. Chris was an ok guy but definitely not a ladies man. "Did your money buy him a good night of entertainment or did you trick some poor girl into it?"

Devon's face contorted in surprise before it darkened. "Sam, you're not going over to Brooke's. And that's final."

Sam felt anger flood through her system, taking control of everything. Before she could stop herself she found herself marching over to him. "Listen you bastard, you can't tell me what to do! I am going over there and you can't stop me!" To emphasize it she reached out her hand and gave him a little push.

* * *

"Where the hell is she?" cursed Amanda quietly as she sat curled up on a couch in the family room with Maya. "She was supposed to be here 30 minutes ago." 

Maya gave her a little shrug, her usual happy enthusiasm tampered down for now. "She must have gotten tied up. Or maybe she just told Shawn she'd come to get him to leave her alone." She frowned a bit at that thought. "I don't think she'd do that though."

Brooke marched in, carrying a tub of ice cream. "Ok, I don't know why you thought Sam was coming, but I told you she wouldn't come. Let's just start eating ice cream and watch god damned movies."

"Oh fun. Please tell me we're not watching titanic," muttered Amanda.

"Nope! Shakespeare in love," said Brooke simply to Amanda's groan. "Hey, it has Gwyneth."

Amanda shook her head. "Brooke dear, Gwyneth is so like 10 years ago. And we've seen this movie like 40 times."

"And we'll see it again. Shut up and eat some ice cream." Brooke threw the ice cream bucket gently at Amanda who caught it and grudgingly grabbed a spoonful.

"It's a damn good thing I love mint chocolate chip so much. I wouldn't do this for anything less," she replied mockingly.

Brooke gave her a smile as she put the DVD in. "Oh quiet you. You play like you don't like it but you love it."

Amanda didn't reply, but Maya said, "Still not as much as she likes 'But I'm a Cheerleader' I'm sure."

"Well it is a quality movie," Brooke answered for Amanda.

Before anyone could reply the phone rang and Brooke reached for it. "Brooke speaking."

"Hey Brooke, its Sam." Brooke felt a flash of anger at her stepsister but suppressed it.

"Hi," Brooke replied shortly. Apparently it wasn't as suppressed as she hoped.

Sam sighed, and she sounded really tired. "Look Brooke, I'm an asshole ok. I'm a jerk, and a horrible friend. But I really can't make it. I tried, believe me I tried. But I just… I just can't." Her voice seemed to give a little near the end, and suddenly Brooke felt protective of Sam. Like she needed to protect her from something.

"Sam what's wrong? What's going on?" Her anger was forgotten now, concern for Sam quickly overriding it.

"I… nothing's wrong, it's just regular stuff you know."

Brooke could tell Sam was lying, it was rather obvious. "Sam, we both know you're a terrible liar. Something is wrong." Sam didn't answer for several long moments, and Brooke began to wonder if Sam was even there. "Sam?"

"Huh? Oh sorry. Ummm nothing is wrong Brooke. Look, I'll make it up to you. Tomorrow, I promise. Brazillian Joy at ni… ten. Then we can do some shopping and possibly hit up the library. Ok?" Sam's voice was hopeful, as if it was begging Brooke to say yes. Brooke didn't like it but she couldn't resist the tone, and could even picture a cute pout on Sam's face. Errr wait, cute? "Is that ok Brooke?"

Sam's voice tore her back to reality. "Uhh… yea. Ok. I'll cya then."

"Thanks, bye, love ya." Sam's voice was so quiet that Brooke had to strain to hear her, but she didn't acknowledge what Sam said and instead lowered the phone.

Brooke couldn't shake the feeling that something was very wrong with Sam. Very wrong.

Maya had paused the DVD at the opening scene while Brooke talked to Sam. "Sam's not coming I take it?" she asked as she hit play.

Brooke grabbed the remote to hit pause again. "Nope. You guys… is it just me or is Sam drifting away further and further."

Amanda perked up. "You noticed too huh? Yea, something is up with McPherson. She's clearly having some serious problem, but I don't know what it is. I've even gotten the feeling she doesn't care much for journalism now."

Brooke nearly choked on nothing but her saliva at that statement (an impressive feat!). Sam, not like journalism? Why hadn't she noticed? "What!?" Maya exclaimed it at the same time as Brooke did, and Brooke thought it would be mildly funny except for the subject matter.

"Yea, she just isn't into anything much. Just Devon. She's just been cutting herself off from everyone except him. But Devon hasn't cut off from most of the guys. It's kinda weird," continued Amanda.

Brooke nodded. "Yea, I noticed that. It all started around last March. She started drawing back, being conservative then. Like she was afraid of what people would think of her, which is definitely not Sam. I just wish I knew what was wrong. She won't open up to me, no matter how much I push her."

"Maybe the problem is that you're pushing too hard. Sam's a private person, but maybe if you don't push her, just accept her and be there for her she'll tell you," said Maya, doing her impression of a wise-woman, though Brooke supposed it could actually be quite wise in this situation.

"Well… I dunno, I've always had to push Sam to open up about anything. It just hasn't worked for the past while," she replied unsurely.

"People change," said Amanda simply. "Be it gradually, or a sudden realization."

Brooke supposed that that could be true, especially given her recent questioning. "Ok fine. So space?" The two nodded. "Right now that that's settled, let's get back to the movie."

Amanda groaned but sat back to watch the movie as Brooke hit play. But Brooke's mind was on anything but the film, instead lost in thought over Sam. She couldn't shake the feeling that something very bad was up with Sam, and that she had to help her. She didn't question her fear, or why it was so deep, she just knew she had to help.

_"I won't let you down Sam. You've never let me down, and I won't forget that!"_


	4. Part 3

Disclaimer: I don't own it, nor do I seek or receive monetary gain for this. It is for the enjoyment that I write and post this.  
A/N: Ok so I've been battling through writer's block the past monthish, and quiet the epic battle it has been. It's still not fully gone, and as a result not only is this chapter 1500 words shorter then it should be, but I'm also not happy with it. Fair warning that the characterization was not done well in this chapter. Hopefully next chapter isn't so tough or long to make.

* * *

Sunday, October 5th

Sam pushed open the door gingerly, stepping into the Brazillian Joy, her head swiveling around looking for Brooke. She spotted a hand waving at her and walked over as quickly as she could and gave a brief hug to Brooke, who was wearing a knee length skirt and complementing blouse. She looked much more in place then Sam with her khaki pants and long sleeve turtleneck in the fairly warm weather.

"Hey Brooke, sorry I'm late," Sam said. "Took longer to get ready then I expected. I'm surprised you're on time actually!"

Brooke blushed a little before smiling sheepishly. "Actually I got here only like 5 minutes ago. Apparently you picked up one of my awful habits as you would call it."

Sam was only 15 minutes late, but Brooke was eternally late and Sam was traditionally a person who was always exactly on time. Sam gave a little smile that faded fairly quickly. "And I'm really sorry about last night. I really would have liked to be there for you. I was about to go over when… something came up."

Brooke gave a little shrug. "It's ok. Don't worry about it."

They fell into a quiet silence for a moment before starting to talk trivially. It was a boring conversation, the catch up about what they were doing with school, how everything was, and all that other talk that you have to go through but was really quite mundane.

It didn't take too long, 15 some minutes, before they had covered everything and they both fell silent, neither knowing what to say. Sam hated this new part of their relationship. They used to be so carefree, so close, and there were never any awkward silences, they just always had something to say. Or they were comfortable in the quiet.

_"But things aren't the same,"_ Sam reminded herself. She sighed, trying to get away from the thoughts that were sure to follow, and Brooke immediately sensed that Sam was bothered.

"Sam, you gotta talk to me." Brooke had already forgotten her agreement last night to not push Sam.

Sam looked at her, a little confused. "I thought that's what we're doing. See. You're speaking, then I'm speaking. We're talking."

"Stop being so obstructive. You know exactly what I meant! You've been acting really weird. You're worrying me. I know that… your dad passed away around this time, and…"

"I'm fine." Sam said evenly, interrupting her, but saw that Brooke clearly wasn't buying it. "Look Brooke, I'm under a lot of stress, I've got a lot on my plate. I just… things will get better, I swear." Sam wasn't lying… completely. Things would get better for Brooke. Sooner or later Brooke would move on and she'd be better. She knew that she was saying the same thing to herself over and over but… what else was there to say? But Sam was grateful that Brooke remembered about her dad. It gave her a cover story.

Brooke wanted to push Sam on this, but didn't, remembering the plan from last night finally. "Ok. Ok Sam, if you say so! Just remember I'm always here, for anything."

Sam nodded, giving Brooke a little smile. "So, mall time for some sisterly shopping?"

"Oh heck yes, I need more shoes."

Sam laughed and hid the grimace that rose with the laugh. And the grimace wasn't from the idea of shopping. No, she liked shopping, not as much as Brooke, but still enjoyed it as long as she was with Brooke. There was just something about shopping with Brooke that was so amazing. She just couldn't believe how many shoes Brooke had, she had like 90 pairs. Sam still only had like 5 pairs, and was perfectly happy with them! "Ok, let's go."

They rose and headed out of the shop. They walked down the street a little ways to get closer to the parking lot on the other side of the street. Sam started to cross the street but Brooke reached out and grabbed her arm tightly, pulling her back roughly as a car sped by on the road, honking angrily.

Sam couldn't help it; she let out a pained gasp and cursed quietly at the treatment from Brooke. Brooke looked at her oddly, a little concerned but also a little confused.

"You ok Sam? Did I hurt you?" she asked, concerned. She didn't think she'd pulled to hard. Hell, she knew she didn't.

Sam took a moment to regain her composure. "Thanks for pulling mfe back there. I didn't even see that car. Wouldn't be fun to get hit by a car, but I guess you know that huh," she said jokingly, trying to push past Brooke's question, but it came out as a rush.

"Yea. But are you ok Sam?" Sam was looking awfully pale.

"Yea I'm fine Brooke, it just surprised me is all. I'm fine." "_Let it go let it go, just please let it go!"_ she thought, prayed even, to herself.

Brooke looked at her dubiously, seemingly debating it, before saying. "That's a funny type of surprised."

"Look Brooke, back off. Whatever you're trying to get at, it doesn't matter! Stop insinuating things, you're my best friend, so come on, let's just go shop god damn it!" Sam stormed angrily across the street, not really looking but luckily there were no cars this time.

Brooke almost pushed Sam further, but once again remembered that she was trying to give Sam space. She jogged to catch up to Sam. "Sam, look, I'm sorry! I'm just worried, but if you're sure there's nothing for me to worry about, then that's good enough for me." Sam nodded, but didn't seem to respond much as they stepped into her car, Brooke following. "Eww, you still haven't cleaned it! When I gave you this car Sam, I expected you would look after it!" she mocked but her smile took the edge out of it.

"Of course I cleaned it… it just… got messy again. Look, it's what we journalists do. But it's a clean mess!" Brooke let out a guffaw at her saying that while Sam pulled out of the parking lot. "Oh come on princess! You know exactly what I meant! It's not dirt, it's just stuff."

Brooke gave a slow nod and spoke with a slow mocking voice. "Yes Sam, of course I know what you're talking about. Now, I'm just going to make a call to some friends of mine in white coats, and they'll come and take you away to a safe place!"

"Oh thank you dearest Brooke. I need all the help I can get," Sam continued dramatically. The two girls burst out into giggles.

* * *

"Ooooh! These look good! And these! And so do these! Oh look at those! Wow they're amazing, doncha think Sammy?"

Sam looked up upon hearing her name. "Err what? I mean… yea… great. Those paperweights look… wait a minute, isn't this a shoe store?" Sam grinned wickedly.

Brooke looked at Sam, a look of horror on her face. "Pa…pa…pa…PAPERWEIGHTS!" She shrieked loudly, so much so that several people turned to look at the pair. It was obvious to Sam from the way she was exaggerating that she was joking but those around them didn't know the two girls odd relationship. "Samantha McPherson, you take that back right now!"

"It was a mistake, honest!" Sam said, trying to look contrite despite the wide grin on her face while Brooke stepped right up into her face, "But it was a true mistake."

"A true mistake! What is with you today! If you're not careful I'll..."

Before Brooke could reveal her threat (which one could be assured was very menacing and scary and… other bad things!) a body forced its way in between the very close girls. And he literally had to force himself in there.

"Girls girls! Calm down you're making a scene."

Sam pushed him to the side. "Move your ass skinny boy, McQueen is going down!"

"Yea Shawn, get outta my way!" added Brooke, faking rolling up the nonexistent sleeves of her shirt.

Shawn let himself be propelled out of the way, a small smile on his face as a girl rejoined him at his side. Instantly the journalist and former cheerleader turned to the new girl. "Oh my…"

"Is it really?"

"It couldn't be!"

"I think it is."

"Nahhh… there must be some mistake."

"I think…"

Finally Shawn cut in. "Alright, fine, I get it!"

Brooke and Sam continued heedless of him while the other girl looked at them quite amused. "But what if she's..?"

"No, I don't think so. But what about..?"

"Hmmm that's a good point. I'm not really sure."

"Would it help if I just said that yes, I really am Sarah?" interjected the other girl. "And yes, it really is Shawn's fault that I've only seen you what, twice now?"

Shawn's mouth gaped open and then closed, looking at Sarah like she had just sentenced him to death, which she probably actually had. The Blonde and her Brunette step-sister zeroed in on Shawn like a heat seeking missile would to Tom Cruise when he's spouting off about pretty much anything (everyone knows its all hot air!).

"Oh god… please don't kill me… or if you do, make it quick…" he muttered quietly, holding up his hands.

"We're not going to kill you Shawn," said Brooke sweetly.

Sam smiled wickedly. "Nope! I have something much better in mind."

Sarah held up her hand. "Mind if I interject here." A look of relief came on Shawn's face. "If you're going to do anything to him, can I join in?" The relief vanished.

"Couldn't do it without you! You're not here for general shopping right? Here for something specific?"

"Yea," answered Sarah unsteadily. "We were about to leave."

"NOOO!" exclaimed Shawn. "You're not saying…"

"Oh yes, shoe shopping and clothes shopping and jewelry shopping and… well hell, shopping shopping!" said Sam smiling brightly. "Oooh boy."

"But it really wasn't my fault! She's just saying it! I tried, I really did." Shawn was practically begging.

Sarah nudged him. "Shut up and carry my bags." She promptly unloaded them into his arms, Brooke following shortly.

"What no bags from you Sam?" asked Brooke. "Err wait… you haven't bought anything? What!? What's wrong with you?"  
"I just haven't seen anything."

"Yes you have."

Sam shrugged. "Ok, well I just didn't wanna spend the money unless I really want it."

"Oh thank god," murmured Shawn as he jokingly staggered under the bags. "I can barely hold em as they are."

Sarah grinned at him. "Oh boy, if I hadda known all I had to do to get him shopping with me was bring you two along I woulda made more time for you."

They walked through the mall for awhile, dragging Shawn with them everywhere. Brooke and Sam finally got to get to know Sarah, and Sam genuinely enjoyed herself. Eventually though, Sarah had to leave. She had graduated the previous year so was already working, and working a lot!

This left Brooke and Sam alone with Shawn, who was loaded down quite heavily with bags. "Can we please leave dear god!" begged Shawn rather pathetically.

Brooke smiled brilliantly at him. "Well, I dunno. I'm not sure you've suffered enough!"

"Yea… I think you need to pay some more for this," teased Sam.

"Do I have to beg? I'll beg. Knees and everything."

Brooke burst out laughing and Sam just smirked at him. "Fine! Library it is, we got some work to do. We can drop off this stuff at my place and then head there."

Shawn actually cheered. A full on "Yahoo!" Brooke laughed again while Sam just looked around embarrassed.

* * *

Sam heard Shawn groan next to her as he stood up and stretched. She glanced up at him as he yawned hugely, and it was so loud that the three people who sat around them looked at him even. When he finished yawning and looked around, Sam guffawed. Shawn had this look of embarrassment on him, then he just shrugged and winked at her.

He leaned over to her and whispered, "I'm gonna take off babe." Sam nodded at him and rose.

"Ok. Brooke will be back from the bathroom any second, wait up for her." As if summoned, Brooke appeared from around the corner and started to make her way towards them. Sam gave a little smile at her before turning to Shawn. Before she could react, Shawn pulled her into a hug. A very tight hug.

Sam couldn't help it; she let out a bark of pain that immediately caused Shawn to release her and look at her concerned.

Sam turned away, suddenly realizing just how bad this looked. Tears had sprung to her eyes from the simple pressure placed on her arms, back and rib cage, and there was no way she could hide the look of pain that was still on her face.

"Oh crap what did I do?" asked Shawn. Brooke reached them and reached out for Sam, who shrugged off her arm.

"I'm fine," struggled Sam, out, fighting and mostly succeeding at keeping her voice steady. "I've gotta go to the washroom. Cya Shawn." With that she took off practically running.

Sam's abrupt departure left a dull silence behind her. Shawn was standing there, this confused look on his face, while Brooke had a suspicious look on her face.

"What… what the hell just happened?" asked Shawn unsteadily. "I don't get her!"

Brooke shrugged at him. "I'm not sure. That was really weird. Then again, when it comes to Sam, I never know what to expect. Especially lately."

Shawn nodded slowly. "That's true." He paused, thinking. "Should we go find her? I feel like I should be apologizing or something."

"No, I think I should do that myself. I'll look after it and tell her you're sorry." Shawn just nodded at her. "I'll talk to you later."

"I'll wait for you. I'm in no hurry."

Without replying Brooke jogged off in the direction Sam had taken, looking for her. She didn't have to go far. Not too far around a corner Sam was shaking lightly, holding onto the wall for support.

Brooke approached slowly, leaving some distance between them but not so much that she couldn't catch Sam if she tried to take off. "Sam?" she asked softly. Sam immediately stopped the shaking motion, tensing up. "Sam, calm down. It's just me." Sam didn't say anything, so Brooke approached closer and came around to the front of Sam, to see that her face was tear stained. She immediately realized the shaking she'd seen coming from Sam had been her sobbing. "Oh jeesuz Sam."

Brooke glanced around and saw an empty study room, and opened the door and gently took Sam by the shoulder and lead her in, sitting her down before sitting across from her. "Sam? Wanna tell me what that was all about?" Sam cast her eyes down, before shaking her head. "You scared Shawn. He says he's sorry, but he doesn't know what he did." Sam mumbled something that Brooke couldn't hear. Brooke asked her what she said.

"I said he didn't do anything." She paused. "I'm sorry I'm such a pain."

"You're not a pain Sam. Well, not a bad pain," she tried, and was rewarded with a half smile. "So, why don't you tell me what's up? I promise I won't bite." _Though it would be fun_. The thought startled Brooke. Wait… WHAT!

She nearly leapt up and ran away, but this wasn't about her, it was about Sam.

"There's nothing to tell," replied Sam curtly. "I don't know why you think there is."

Brooke gave her sister a serious look, before reaching out and wiping away the tear tracks. "Sam, you were just crying. You just freaked out from a hug. How can you tell me there's nothing going on?" Sam just stared at her, her eyes turning a little cold towards her. Brooke felt a pang of hurt that Sam wouldn't open up to her, and let out a sigh. "Geez you sure are a pain sometime."

"Yea well it's what I do," she replied evenly. Brooke didn't know what to make of that statement, so let it slide.

"Right…" They sat in an uncomfortable silence, something that Brooke knew was happening more and more lately but she couldn't seem to get past it with Sam.

Finally Sam rose. "I'm going home. Bye." She immediately made for the door, and Brooke was so startled by the abruptness of Sam's departure she almost didn't react.

"Sam, wait." She got up and gave her a gentle hug. "Love you, sis." Sam nodded but didn't answer, before opening the door and walking quickly away.

Brooke sighed and leant against the wall, suddenly feeling very tired. What the hell was going on? She had a feeling that all the pieces were there for her, or at least a good portion, so why couldn't she fit it all together? Why couldn't she help Sam?

She started to make her way back towards Shawn, finding him all packed up and kindly having packed all of her things up as well. He looked up at her but didn't say anything, simply hoisted his backpack on his back while waiting for her. They quickly made their way to the exit, silently, but Brooke could see he was dieing to ask her what happened.

As they exited, Brooke finally realized that Shawn really wasn't going to ask, so she said, "She wouldn't talk to me."

"At all?" Shawn asked, shocked.

"Well no. We… spoke. But we didn't talk. She wouldn't tell me anything of value." She sighed. "I don't know what to tell you."

Shawn made a weird face and then said, "Quite the conundrum. Quite indeed. Yes, yes quite the conundrum. A conudle you might say!"

Brooke just looked at him like he was insane. "A… conudle?"

"Why yes, a conudle. Don't you know what it is?" Brooke shook her head. "Oh… umm. It's a… coconut noodle…?"

Brooke just burst out laughing, knowing he'd made it up on the spot and had no idea what it was, but sobered up pretty quickly when her thoughts returned to Sam. Shawn, who had been appraising her form the corner of his eye, sighed. "I know this is serious. I shouldn't be joking about it. Just seems like there's nothing else to do right now."

"There has to be something! She's my sister, and there is definitely something very wrong. I mean, what could it be?"

Shawn started counting off things on his finger. "Drugs, Alcohol, though I suppose that is a drug, stress, depression, mental breakdown, secret hate of all of us…"  
Brooke interrupted him before the list made her overly worried. "Hang on here. Let's not go too far. We both know Sam would never do drugs. And she may drink but she certainly doesn't drink that much! I've never smelled it on her. I guess it could be stress, depression or mental breakdown but all those are really the same thing. Maybe we should talk to Sam about seeing a psychiatrist."

Shawn snorted. "A shrink? You really think Sam would like that idea. She'd smack us back to the stone age. And that's before she yelled at us for 30 minutes."

"Well I know that, but do you have another idea?"

He paused. "Secret… hate…"

She hit him rather hard. "Maybe just you."

"Hey, I'll have you know I'm very loveable. And nice, smart, good looking, a fantastic dancer. And don't forget awesome. I have 3 awesome glands compared to the standard 1 most people have."

Brooke gave him a wry smile. "And humble."

"No, my humble gland was replaced with a super humble gland, making me the humblest person of all time."

"Oh the irony," Brooke said mockingly as she held her hand to her forehead.

"Oh yea, muscles of iron. Thanks, I almost forgot that."

Brooke just shook her head at her friend. "Sometimes I wonder about you."

Shawn didn't reply immediately, and Brooke was content to let the conversation fall at that. "Why is she so god damn stubborn?"

Brooke immediately tracked. "Got it from her mom I think. Jane's headstrong just like her. Then again, her dad died around this time you know."

"Yea I know. I know she gets moody and stuff, I can understand the pain." He paused. "Well, I guess I can't actually, having never lost a loved one. But I can understand needing to have her space. But this… this is weird."

"She was really close with him. From the stories I've heard, the few I've been privileged enough to have her share with me, he sounds really amazing. They were really close I know. Still, this year seems worse then the previous years."

Shawn nodded. "Yea. Last year it was pretty quick, blink and you missed it. This year it… well hell, I'm not sure that this is what it is. This all started like the end of last year basically, it's just been getting really bad lately."

"True. She's scared of contact now or something. I wonder what's up with that?" Brooke asked. "She's never been the whole touchy feely type but even this is extreme for her."

"I don't know. Maybe I'll give Devon a call after, let him know."

"Good idea."

Brooke, nor Shawn, seemed to know where to go from there, so they both fell silent. They strode in comfortable quiet for a minute before a familiar face appeared.

"Well look who it is." The voice was cool and collected. Typical Julian.

"Nicole," Brooke answered cooly.

There was this eerie silence surrounding them, including any other noises around them. As if the whole world had stopped, and Shawn was feeling very uncomfortable. Like scared for his life uncomfortable. He started to shuffle away but both Nicole and Brooke turned on him and shot him a death glare which caused him to just freeze on the spot. They immediately turned back to each other.

"So. How's being heartless?" asked Brooke smoothly. "Still lonely?" Nicole didn't even flinch.

"Gain some weight there Brookie? You're looking a little large on the waist." Brooke couldn't help it; she looked down and took a step back.

Nicole gave a little laugh. "Please B, don't try me. We both know you'll lose this fight. Just like little Spam is losing hers."

"What?" asked Brooke confused.

"Fights, I suppose would be a better word. Then again, I suppose that fight isn't the proper word for what that bitch gets. It really is too bad. You may deserve it, but she certainly doesn't."

"What are you talking about Nicole? Are you doing something to her?" asked Brooke, realizing something very important was being talked about here.

Nicole smiled wickedly. "Wow what a sweet sister you are. Dense as ever I see. But no, I've had absolutely no contact with her. Wouldn't waste my time on trash like her. Then again, if I'm wasting time on you, maybe I should stop by and say hi to old McPherson." She stopped and gave a sweet smile. "Anyways, I've got to go." She started to walk past them.

Shawn stepped in front of her. "If you know something about Sam then you need to tell us." He tried to make his voice menacing but Nicole just smiled at him deadly looking.

"Stay in the little leagues, boy. Real women only." With that she pushed past him and continued on her way. Once she was out of sight Shawn turned to Brooke.

"What the hell just happened?" asked Shawn, confused again. "And why the hell do I never know what's going on. I keep getting blindsided."

Brooke growled. "She knows. Bitch."

"So let's just get it from her."

Brooke shot him a look. "This is Nicole Julian we're speaking about. No, she won't give it up. We'd have better luck getting it from Sam herself. And who knows, maybe she's just playing us. That's something that Nicole would do. No, I think we should leave Nicole out of it."

Shawn shrugged. "Suits me. She scares me. Hell, you scared me when she was here."

She gave Shawn her sweetest smile. "Lil' ol me?"

Shawn just shook his head. "Black widows. Both of you."

* * *

"So what stupid movie are we seeing?" asked Gary whining. "Please tell me it's not a chick flick."

"It's not a chick flick. And it's our turn. We watched that blowing things up, car chasing, shoot-em-up with you last week. Whatever the hell it was called. Did it even have a plot?" shot back Amanda.

"Umm." Shawn and Gary turned to look at each other. "Maybe?" they said simultaneously.

"Ok, so even we don't know the title, but come on it was AWESOME. So what are we seeing?" Gary continued.

"It's a chick flick."

Shawn pouted comically. "But… but… but… you just told us…"

He was quickly interrupted by Amanda. "I told you what he asked me to say. Didn't mean it was true."

Gary narrowed his eyes at her. "I hate you," he said sarcastically.

The group burst out laughing. It was just Brooke, Gary, Shawn, Amanda and Maya tonight, Sam and Devon having ditched… as usual.

"God, it's busy tonight. And on a Sunday too," commented Maya. They were in line for the tickets, and it was actually a large line, like a 5 minute wait.

"Yea, there's some premiere tonight. It's weird it's on a Sunday," replied Brooke, only half paying attention.

"It's some action movie. Looks stupid." Brooke jerked around to the voice of a girl behind her. The new girl looked her up and down, and then started to look shy. "Uhhh… Hi?" she said, somewhat unsurely.

Brooke nodded at her. "Hey there," Brooke said, trying to remain polite.

The girl blushed. "Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have butted in there un-introduced. I'm Lana."

Brooke shook her offered hand while she introduced herself. "Yea I'm Brooke."

There was an uncomfortable pause, as the rest of Brooke's group had moved onto some other topic dismissing the 2 of them.

"So uhhh… you come here often?" asked Lana somewhat lamely.

"Umm. Yea. What about you? You here by yourself or something?"

She shook her head. "Oh no, my friend is around here somewhere getting food." She suddenly changed topic. "Oh wow, that's a really pretty blouse. And I really like that bracelet."

Brooke shrugged a little awkwardly. "Uhhh. Thanks." She glanced behind her, saw they were at the front counter. "Oh, look. Well, it was nice to meet you…" Brooke trailed off as she realized she'd already forgotten the girls name. Uh oh, that's embarrassing.

The girl didn't seem to notice. "Oh right, I'm sorry. I'll uhh… see you around Brooke," she said a little dejectedly as Brooke turned around.

She quickly bought her ticket and joined up with her friends. Amanda was looking at her really weirdly, and the look Maya was giving her kinda crept her out as well. She wanted to ask them what was up, but the guys seemed oblivious and she had this sneaking suspicion that it was a girl's only conversation.

They filed into the movie, chatting away about inane and silly things, which Brooke didn't pay attention to as she was trying to figure out what she had missed. As soon as the previews started and Shawn and Gary went off to their own world watching them, Maya leaned over.

"What was that all about?" she asked quietly.

"Excuse me?" asked Brooke. "Oh, you mean that girl. I dunno."

Maya raised her eyebrow at Brooke. Or at least Brooke thought she did, it was tough to see in the dark lighting. "Are you really that oblivious? Or just not interested?"

Brooke looked at her dumbfounded. Maya slapped her hand against her head, causing Amanda to look over, who upon seeing Maya, immediately followed Maya's action, shaking her head as well.

"Ah crap. Honey, you've been single and not trying for way to long."

Brooke suddenly got this uneasy feeling. She couldn't be implying that. "But… no way."

"Totally. Even I picked up the Sapphic leanings of that girl. And apparently she picked something up from you to."

"You mean…"

"Yes."

Brooke sat there, not responding for a moment. "Shit."

Maya started giggling, causing Shawn and Gary to glance over but it was forgotten immediately as the movie started.

Maya leaned away, content to let Brooke think things over. How had she missed that? It's not like the girl was blatantly hitting on her or anything, but now that she played over the encounter again, the way the girls eye's had raked over her, the edge of hope in the voice, the disappointment when she had said bye.

And hell, Brooke couldn't even remember the girl's name. She barely remembered what she looked like. She was just sorta… unremarkable looking. Tough to pick out in a crowd.

Ok, so her first foray, even if she didn't know said foray had occurred, into this haphazard exploration was a complete disaster. She could check that off the list of things to do in her life. Not that it was an intention, but Brooke was trying to be positive about this experience. Or mistake. Or screw-up. Or whatever you want to call it.

The movie flew by. She didn't even know what it was about. Maya immediately took off. She had some function to attend to for a place she volunteered at, leaving the other 4 to leisurely make their way out of the theatre.

"That was good, didn't you guys think so?" asked Amanda, a smug grin already on her face.

Shawn and Gary just looked at her desolately. "I hate you," muttered Shawn under his breath.

Amanda's face didn't change. "And I hate you too. But seriously, wasn't it sweet how he…"

"Don't… wanna… hear it! Why the hell did we agree to come see this stupid movie!" exclaimed Gary, mostly joking. "Let's just get the hell out of here."

Amanda took a quick look around, and Brooke saw her eye's flash with recognition. "Didn't you two want to have an air hockey showdown or something?" she asked conspiratorially.

"Oh yea!" exclaimed Shawn, completely missing her tone. "Mind if we do?"

"Go for it," replied Amanda quickly, and the 2 of them scampered off literally.

Amanda gave Brooke an impish grin. "Ready for round 2?"

Brooke cocked her head to the side in confusion. "Wait… you mean."

"Five o'clock. And in case you've forgotten," – Brooke could just tell that she wanted to add 'which I know you have' – ",her name is Lana," Amanda continued. "Now don't do anything I wouldn't do." She started to follow Gary and Shawn, then turned back. "And don't do anything the boys would do!"

Brooke couldn't help but smile at that as Amanda left and she heard someone step up behind her.

She turned around. "Oh, hey Lana," she stumbled out nervously. "_Holy shit… I'm nervous!_" she thought excitedly. She hadn't been nervous about anything like this in a long time.

The girl flashed a huge smile. "Hey Brooke. Did you see 'Dancing in Vegas' too?"

"Oh yea. It was good," she replied dumbly, not actually having a clue how the movie had been.

"Yea! I really liked the lead. Carly Pope was it? She's so hot," Lana said, somewhat nervously.

Brooke nodded smiling. "_Ok, here goes nothing."_ "Oh yea, she's really good. And yea, totally hot." Didn't hurt that she looked a lot like Sam, but she held absolutely nothing on Sam. Err wait. What?

Lana seemed to be reinforced by Brooke's response. "Hey, you want to get together for coffee sometime or something?"

"uhh sure." Brooke was still a little shell-shocked from that last thought she had. Sam? _"Well… I guess I should be allowed to appreciate the female form, right?"_

"Here, let me give you my number." She produced a card and wrote down her number before handing it to Brooke, who took it carefully. "Anyways, my friend's waiting for me. Call me." She turned around and left, leaving Brooke standing there, staring a little incredulously at the card in her hand.

Amanda appeared seconds later. "Holy crap, McQueen you're good. 2 lines and you get a number."

"I… uhhh…"

Amanda laughed at Brooke's surprise. It's not like Brooke hadn't done the dating thing before. She just had been out of it for awhile, and this was so very different.

The boys came back, Shawn proudly leading a dejected Gary. "Pwned your face there Gary. A crushing 9-3 defeat."

"You cheated," responded Gary.

"That's what your mom said last night!"

Gary and Amanda just looked at Shawn, then just shook their heads and started chuckling. "Man, you are REALLY bad at that."

Shawn scowled. "Damn it I know!"

The boys seemed to notice Brooke's shell shocked state for the first time. "uhhh, earth to Brooke? You ok?"

Brooke jumped a bit at the mention of her own voice. "I uhhh… err… I mean…"

Amanda just looked at her with a look that screamed, 'say something you moron'. Brooke still didn't know what was up with her. That last thought about thinking Sam was hot was just a little… disturbing. Plus the number thing. It was just too much! Finally Amanda cut in. "Oh umm… girl stuff?" she said, somewhat unsurely, not ready with an excuse. The best thing about Shawn and Gary was though, that all it took was the words 'girl stuff' to make them promptly not want to know about it.

"Oh, ok then! Moving on! Let's go home so I can rock you at Halo too," said Shawn evilly.

"Oh p-p-p-please! Bring it on."

* * *

Earlier that afternoon

"OH COME ON! Bullshit! What game were those ref's watching?" Devon yelled out, slamming his head on the coffee table. "They missed like 20 penalties. But of course, since they're hooking us they'll just let it slide."

Chris nodded beside him. "Lousy dirty Oilers. Complete shit."

"No kidding. Still, at least we beat them."

"Yea. Good game too. Anyways man, I gotta take off. My mom's on my back about some crap or another," he said, rising.

"Alright, I'll call you tomorrow or something. Fill you in," he said, grinning a little wickedly. Chris just chuckled and nodded before leaving.

Devon aimlessly started flipping through the channels. He was alone today, Sam having gone out to be with her sister. It was good for her to occasionally see her, kept Sam on her toes, and also kept Brooke off his back. As long as she was good.

The phone rang, and he grudgingly muted the TV and picked it up.

"Devon here."

"Hey Devon, it's Shawn."

"Oh hey Shawn. How's it going?"

"It's ok. You?"

Devon sighed. "The usual. So what's up?"

Shawn seemed to hesitate. "Sam was acting a little weird today. I'm a little concerned about… you know."

Devon immediately rose up. "You mean..?"

"Well she didn't say, but she freaked out when I touched her. She ran off and Brooke had to talk to her to calm her down. She just took off right after, and I dunno, I thought I should talk to you. It's rather… suspicious you know."

"Oh, well it's good you did. Gotta keep an eye on her and stuff. Wouldn't want anything to happen."

"Yea man, I was just worried," he replied calmly. "So, now that that's over with, why don't you two come out with us to the movie tonight? It'll be fun!"

"No thanks man, I'm busy."

Shawn groaned. "Aww come on man, you're always busy. We never get to hang out anymore. We need more testosterone out with us! Gary and I just can't cut it."

Devon chuckled. "Haha sorry man. I've got plans with Sam. You know, show her she's loved, helps prevent events like today from happening."

"Oh haha, I gotcha. Don't let me stand in the way of that. Hang out sometime this week for some beers?"

"Yea for sure dude. Enjoy the movie."

"Have a good night."

The phone went dead and Devon lowered it slowly. So, Sam had a little adventure today did she? She should know better then to do something that raised so much suspicion. It was handy having Shawn and Gary to keep him in the loop about her activities.

He knew that around this time of the year she tended to be a little weird, what with her dad having died 3 days from now, and that she tended to lose control of her emotions because of that, but she should know better. She should definitely have learned better. Wasn't good form and all that stuff, a woman should know her place.

The door opened up at that instant and Sam entered, dark circles around her eyes and looking like hell. She didn't even look up from the ground, keeping her head down and trudged over to the kitchen where she grabbed a glass of water and popped a few advil.

Devon stood watching her while she did this, before finally saying, "Not going to say hi?"

Sam jumped, and looked up at him. "Oh sorry. I didn't see you. Hey."

"Hey babe," he said evenly. "How was your day with Brooke? Anything happen?"

She fidgeted nervously. "Umm nope. Shopping, library, home."

"Really? Are you sure?" he asked, his voice still calm.

"Yes," she shot back quickly.

Devon's voice turned cold. "Weird, that's not what I heard. I heard you had a little… incidence at the library."

Sam took a step back. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh come on Sam. I told you I'd know, but you didn't believe me. You still don't believe me, do you? Well maybe now you should. I know it all Sam. I always find out about everything. People tell me it all." He stepped up, towering over her.

"I'm sorry," she said weakly. "I tried…"

"Sorry doesn't cut it." With that, he pulled back and punched her right in the stomach with a meaty fist.


	5. Part 4

A/N: It's back! Well sorta, I'm going to catch the posts here to what I have (I have 3 more done after this) over the next week, as well as hopefully finish up another chapter (though I'm having a really hard time writing it, its the worst chapter of them all). As some of you know, I discontinued posting this story here for appropriate reasons, but I'm going to give it another go. This and the next 3 chapters are all at the popslash yahoo group, but seeing as that's dead I guess here is where it will go.

As suggested for the reader's (and I suppose my own) best interest:

**ATTENTION/WARNING**: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! You've been warned! This particular chapter contains implied forced sexual context… well I'm not sure what it is, I'm not spelling it out cause its pretty messed up as is. You've been warned, don't read it if you don't like the path.

* * *

Monday October 6th

The first thing she was aware of was her heartbeat. It was still there, to her somewhat surprise. She just wasn't sure if she was relieved to be alive, or horrified that it wasn't over.

"_Can't think like that._" Sam let out a slight moan, before realizing that she was wet, and getting wetter.

"Wake up babe." Devon's voice cut through the haze that was mucking her brain up. She felt more water landing on her face and sputtered awake, opening her eyes slowly. She could see Devon smiling lovingly down at her, and her heart warmed a little.

"Devon," she rasped out roughly. Her throat was sore, very sore. She pushed the reason for that away.

He gently took her by the nook of her arms and raised her up slowly. Sam groaned as her body protested the movement, but she let herself be propelled up. When she was on her two feet, Devon gently started to steer her towards the washroom.

"I've gotta get to school dear. I've left some breakfast for you out there. Just take a shower and some advil." He turned on the shower, then grabbed a glass and a few tablets of advil, and handed them to Sam.

She shakily took them, giving him a little smile. "Thanks love." A small part of her mind screamed at her for saying that, but she clamped down on it. She'd been getting better at controlling that inside voice. Keeping herself strong for Devon.

She popped the pills and drained the water while Devon watched. Then he stepped up to her. "I love you. I'll see you tonight."

He kissed her quickly on the lips, before leaving and shutting the door.

Sam stumbled over to the sink, avoiding looking in the mirror, afraid of what she'd see. She splashed some water on her face before starting to undress. It took her awhile, but she finally got it done. Her knee in particular was throbbing. She shuddered as a series of particularly vicious blows replayed in her memory.

She took a deep breath and released it slowly, ignoring the pain from her rib cage. She slowly ambled over to the shower, getting it, hissing in pain as the water hit her bruised flesh.

She ignored it and plunged under the stream. She sat under the water for awhile, not moving, not even thinking, just trying to…

Sam didn't know what she was trying to do. She didn't know what the hell she was doing for anything.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?" She cried out, her control failing her. She let out a little sigh at her outburst, and found she was crying, the tears being washed away in the flow of water from the shower. She surrendered to them, letting them wash over her for awhile.

She hated not knowing what was wrong with her. The Sam McPherson of high school would never have been reduced to this. She was a statistic, another dirty little secret, another of the millions who were abused by their partners.

She didn't know why she stayed… no, she did. She just didn't want to acknowledge it. She wouldn't acknowledge it even now. It was a lie. This was for the best after all.

She turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. She didn't even grab a towel; instead she stepped cautiously towards the mirror. It had fogged over with condensation from the hot shower, and she slowly reached out with her hand and wiped some condensation away, clearing her face.

It wasn't that bad actually. A little pale, but her skin was normally pale. Her hair was still wet, but there were no marks on her face. Not that there usually were. She continued to wipe down the mirror, revealing her neck, hand shaped bruises around her throat. The bruising moved all down her body, and she knew that she had lost a considerable amount of weight over the past 6 months. She was much thinner, under Brooke's weight likely. No one had noticed yet, she had always been fairly thin, but it was a matter of time now.

She shuddered as she saw the green and yellow bruises, the ones from long ago. She was dotted with far too many of them. She felt bile rise up her own throat at the thought of what she let him do to her. She thought back to the first time.

It had been over a year ago, December of third year, right after Christmas. She had made some off-handed insult, she couldn't remember it. It was characteristic McPherson sarcastic wit, but Devon had taken it pretty poorly. He'd open palm slapped her along her clavicle hard enough that she'd stumbled back and fallen over.

He'd immediately been apologetic, begging her to forgive him. She had, even though she knew she shouldn't. But he seemed too sincere. About a month later, it had happened again, and this time she broke up with him, but within an hour he'd been back, begging. And she'd taken him back again. It was sometime in the following week when the… putting down… had begun. It had begun subtly. She hadn't even noticed it for the first few months, and by then…

If she examined things objectively, she knew exactly what he had done. He had isolated her, lowered her self esteem, and crushed her will. She knew exactly what this relationship was. She knew she should leave.

But… she couldn't. It's so much easier from an outsider's perspective. So much easier. Sometimes, she hated these moments of clarity. No, that's not true. She always loathed them. It was during theses times that she could really understand just what an utter fuck up she was. It was during these times that she knew that Devon was absolutely right about everything he said to her. She really wasn't worth anything.

She gave her head a very light shake. No, she couldn't think like that. But inevitably, the thought crawled back into her head. She was garbage, trash, and she was damn lucky to have someone in her life who cared enough to put her back together. Devon would protect her, even from herself.

She closed her eyes, and began to dry herself off to make it through yet another day.

* * *

Gary sighed as he swiveled back and forth in the uncomfortable chair. Class was set to begin in 5 minutes, and Sam was, as usual, probably late. It had gotten especially worse this year from last year. She had usually been just perfectly on time, literally to the second, last year. This year though, she'd be 5 minutes late minimum, and wouldn't even show up sometimes.

Definitely not something you'd expect from Sam. She loved journalism way to much and this class centered on newspaper writing and editing, which was what Sam was most interested in.

A few moments later, and there was still no Sam, and the professor started her lecture. Gary couldn't help but audibly huff, drawing the attention of several nearby students, causing him to sidle down in his seat. This was getting ridiculous! This class time sucked for his schedule, he'd only signed up for it because Sam had insisted on it, and then she never showed up.

The class went by quickly, Gary only half paying attention. He was peeved at Sam, no doubt about that, but at the same time, he knew that something was going on. Something had been up with Sam lately, everyone knew it, but no one knew exactly what. Devon wasn't even very forthcoming about it either.

On the other hand, Devon really hadn't been forthcoming about much lately. He, just like Sam, had started to cut them out of his life. But it wasn't in the same way. He was still more then happy to hang with the group, mainly Shawn and him. They'd get together and just go hang out at a bar, or play some video games or just do some pick-up sports. But if you ever tried to actually talk to him about anything serious, he'd basically just end the conversation. It was kind of annoying.

Sam, on the other hand, was cutting them out by seemingly completely ignoring them. Calls went unreturned, emails unreplied, and then even when you got in the same room as her, she was just so… quiet. Not at all the bright, loud spitfire that she was when he first met her. She was never rude or mean or anything. Hell, she was polite to a fault, and always ready to defer to her friends or Devon. Gary knew a lot of what was happening was likely due to being in the relationship with Devon, he just wished she wouldn't show it like that.

Devon had told them that last night was a big night. He was going to show Sam a special time, so he guessed he could understand her not being around today, still recovering. Still, it did irk him somewhat. He flicked out his cell, planning on giving her a piece of his mind.

He hit speed dial as he exited the room, and waited as the phone rang. When it picked up, it was just voice mail, and Gary grunted as he crossed the street towards the bus stop. He figured he'd head over there, it wasn't too far and he had nothing better to do. Plus he might catch Devon there, and he wanted to catch up with him.

* * *

Sam startled as she heard a loud knocking noise. She opened her eyes, feeling much better from earlier. After her shower she'd just felt like sleeping, so had returned to bed and taken a good nap.

She glanced at the clock beside her. 12:30. Crap, she missed her class. Gary would be annoyed at her. Hopefully not annoyed enough to bug Devon about it. Sam rose and headed for the front door, still wearing her PJ's. She treaded silently, and glanced through the peephole. She saw it was Gary.

She shuddered involuntary as a memory returned, of Devon's voice, from last night. While he'd been showing her the error of her ways, he'd told her all about the gig he had running. "_Don't forget Sam. I'm not the only one. Your 'friends' are in on it. Both Shawn and Gary know exactly what's going on. How do you think I know about your transgression at the library? So remember… I'm watching you, and their watching you."_

Sam didn't know whether she should believe him. Her heart was screaming at her that they wouldn't let that happen to her, that they would do something. But her brain, her brain knew better. Gary and Shawn knew that Devon was just helping her, that really they were helping her by helping Devon.

Another knock at the door woke her from her thoughts, but Sam found herself frozen there. She wasn't sure she could deal with him right now. She wasn't sure she could deal with herself even. Instead she stood there, barely breathing, not daring to make a squeak, until she heard him sigh and mutter something before turning around and walking away.

She let out a sigh of relief. Disaster averted. She turned and stumbled over to the couch, flopping down, but she didn't turn on the TV or anything. She just sat, before starting to laugh. But it wasn't a pleasant laugh; no, it was a humorless laugh, one that scared Sam herself.

She didn't even know why she was laughing, because she really did have nothing to laugh about. Well, that wasn't totally true. She had her own pathetic self to laugh about. She was a failure as a sister, as a girlfriend, as a journalist, as a cook, and at pretty much everything. She recognized that she was twirling dangerously into a depression with these thoughts, but then, as anyone who's been depressed knows, you don't really care that you're depressed.

There was one… no two… bright spots in her life. The first was of course Devon, looking out for her. And the second was her step-sister, Brooke.

Just thinking of Brooke pushed all the dark thoughts away temporarily. She was just so caring, so loving. She was like an angel, and Sam still couldn't believe that Brooke was willing to waste her time on her. Brooke was everything she desired to be. Perfection.

The phone rang, and Sam hesitated, not sure if she should answer it. What if it was Gary? Or Devon? Oh god, if it was Devon she had to answer it. She really wished she had caller ID. An unsteady hang reached for the phone. She clutched the phone tightly; hard enough the thing could almost break, and brought it to her head.

"Hello?" she asked neutrally.

"Heya sis!" It was Brooke.

Sam didn't know if she should breathe a sigh of relief or worry about this. "Hi Brooke. How are you?"

"I'm ok. I'm more worried about you. You're acting all freaky and stuff."

Sam panicked a bit. She really didn't need this! "Uhhh, no I'm not. That's you."

She could hear Brooke sigh on the other end. "Cut the crap Sam, we both know something's up, and it ain't the sky. Now spill it you twat."

"There's nothing wrong Brooke," Sam replied evenly. "Everything is fine."

There was a pause on the other end. "What… we both know that isn't true! I'm your sister and I love you, and I damn well deserve some answers."

"I've given you the answer, and the answer is there is nothing wrong." Sam's voice was still neutral.

Brooke actually groaned out a 'UGHHHH!' before continuing. "You're so annoying! Why are you so damn stubborn and unwilling to open up?"

"I just am. Are we done?" Sam shocked herself with her own responses in this conversation. Not what she was saying, but how well controlled her voice was. Completely even, betraying no emotion.

She knew she had to keep Brooke away from the train wreck that was Samantha McPherson. Even though Brooke was the greatest thing in her life, Sam wouldn't let her own weakness drag her sis down. And this was the easiest way to push her away.

Brooke didn't respond. "Sam… Sam please. I'm begging you."

The pain in her voice almost cracked Sam. But then she remembered Devon. Devon would be very angry with her. "_Keep your damn mouth shut you bitch,"_ Sam thought to herself. She remained silent.

Brooke resumed moments later. "Ok Sam, just remember. I love you, you're family loves you. Don't be a stranger. I'll see you soon, right?"

Sam grunted in response before hanging up the phone, suddenly feeling very tired again. That call, even though practically nothing had transpired, had taken a lot out of her. She lay back on the couch and closed her eyes, ignoring the steady pain that was growing in her ribcage, and fell asleep promptly.

* * *

Brooke heard the phone go dead, and very nearly threw the phone at the wall. What the hell was Sam's problem! She was driving Brooke crazy, and that was without even saying a word. Brooke took a deep breathe to calm herself. Well, she supposed that it was because Sam wasn't saying a word that Brooke was being driven crazy, but that's not the point!

The point is Sam was being her usual stubborn self, refusing to turn to anyone for help, and just shutting down instead. Refusing to turn to people for help was normal, but the shutting down part was new, and it bugged her to no end. Why couldn't Sam just be like a normal person and talk about stuff.

"_Because then you wouldn't love her._" The thought slipped out unbidden, and Brooke nearly had a stroke right there. Then she calmed herself quickly, realizing that she just loved Sam like a sister, and that yes, her stubbornness was a part of her charm that made her love her sister. She could deal with being gay. But being in love with her step-sister? That would be just too creepy. Ugh.

Refusing to dwell on that thought, Brooke got up and walked down to the family room and put the phone on the charger.

"HAHA take that!" Brooke looked over at Shawn, who was playing some video game. "Woo! I'm on a roll baby!"

Brooke smirked and walked up to behind him. "God you are such a nerd."

Shawn glanced over at her, smirking. He even had a headset on and everything. It was fairly comical looking actually. "Hey, if you're gonna game, go all out!"

"Yea, and you're a nerd."

He shrugged at her. "Yea, and you love me for… AWW come on! Damnit you distracted me!"

Brooke looked at the screen and saw he had died, in a quite horrible manner. Or at least it looked like it, she wasn't too sure. "Haha you suck!" She stuck out her tongue and moved to return to her room when Gary trudged through the front door looking a little angry.

"Hey Gary, what's up?" asked Brooke.

"Stupid McPherson! Never shows up to class. I even went over to her place to see if she was alright and she wasn't there."

Brooke frowned. "When was this?"

"I was there like 10 minutes ago tops," he replied.

"Oh brother. I just talked to her on her home line like 5 minutes ago. She was totally home. And wait, she didn't go to class either." Brooke was getting more and more worried about Sam. Especially with this latest news.

Gary growled. "What the hell is wrong with her?"

Shawn, who had turned most of his attention to them, piped up. "Maybe she hates you. I know I do. And I'm pretty sure Brooke does too."

Brooke ignored him, intent on staying on focus. "Well there's definitely something up. She won't say anything."

"Pregnant?" asked Gary. "I mean… could it be?"

Brooke thought about that. Her own scare with pregnancy had caused her to panic and recede into herself. But that had been over the course of a week, and she'd been much younger and much less mature about it. Hell, Sam had handled it really well, being there every step of the way for her and in complete control.

Even if Sam was pregnant, it seemed unlikely that she would act the way she had been lately. On the other hand, maybe Sam could handle a pregnancy scare only when it was someone else. Still, it seemed really unlikely seeing as this had started like 6 months ago. No, Sam definitely wasn't showing.

"Pretty unlikely. Just like the timeline and everything."

Shawn, seemingly chagrined from the two ignoring his poor joke of earlier, jumped in again. "Well maybe she had an abortion and is really depressed about it. I mean, like she thinks she made a mistake. I know Sam is pro-choice, but it's still a big thing."

"I dunno… I guess it's possible, if a bit unlikely," answer Brooke. "Well… you two know her dad died of leukemia, right? Maybe she has some milder undiagnosed form of it; it could be like sapping her energy or something, or affecting her."

Shawn shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't think we wanna go down that path. It could be a million different things along those lines, and none of them are very pleasant."

"Well damn it Shawn, this whole situation isn't pleasant. Let's try to be serious," snapped Brooke.

Shawn's eyes blazed a moment before he backed down. "Look Brooke, I know you're under a lot of stress and you're just lashing out cause you're worried about Sam. But you have to know that I care about both you and Sam, and so does Gary. We're taking this very serious, but there's no sense getting ourselves worked up about it without some sort of proof. We need more data."

Gary snorted. "Science geek."

Brooke let out a little sigh, realizing that she was out of line for snapping at Shawn. Yea, they were trying to help. "And a gaming nerd to boot," she said with a little smile, her way of apologizing.  
"Damn proud of it too," he nodded back at Brooke.

"So, keep our eyes attuned and our ears open… err… I mean the other way around I suppose… but whatever! You know what I mean!" commented Gary. "We'll figure this out. Maybe Amanda and Maya have a clue."

Brooke nodded. "Yea, I'll talk to them later."

* * *

"I'm open!" Brooke didn't even glance over her shoulder at the voice, instead cutting back to the inside before passing the ball off in the general direction. Amanda was right there, and touched the ball right on to another member of their team, Bill.

Brooke slowed down, letting the play move deeper into the field, hanging back in case the ball came back. They were playing competitive co-ed outdoor soccer through the university, and their team was pretty good actually.

Brooke herself played outside right midfield, and since they were up by two, the midfields were all playing more defensively. And there was only like 5 minutes left.

Bill took an outside shot, which their goalie easily caught and kicked out quickly. It went deep, all the way to their sweeper, Shawn, who simply chipped it right back up.

Gary at center mid took it and made a quick move around a diving defender, and carried it up slowly. He made another move around a girl, but the next defender came flying in, and slide tackled him.

Brooke watched as the defender completely missed the ball, and in fact was still flying through the air cleats first when he contacted Gary's side shin with the bottom of his cleat.

Gary went down immediately, rolling in pain, and the ref whistled the play down.

The player who hit him, who had been a bit of a dirty player all game, got up and smirked a little, and Brooke just wanted to march over and slap him, it being obvious he did it on purpose.

Bill was apparently thinking the same thing cause he ran up behind the guy and tackled him hard to the ground, then just held him down. A brawl almost broke out, all the guys starting to converge, but thankfully cooler heads prevailed without anything more than some pushing happening.

After seeing the incident, Brooke had immediately rushed over to Gary's side. "Holy shit, you ok?"

He was rolling around on the ground, holding his shin. "Hurts like a bitch," he grinned out. "I think somethings broke."

Brooke rolled him over, and you could actually see a bend in his shin. "Oh my god…" She nearly threw up right there. Brooke turned around and stumbled back, as Amanda also did so beside Brooke.

"Get your ass up Gary, we still got a game to win," called Shawn as he walked over from where the fight had almost broken out. "The guy got red carded, so it's safe."

Gary gave a little laugh. "I'd love to. Can't though."

Shawn took a quick appraising look. "Holy… dude, we gotta get you to the hospital."

"You're telling me. And I ain't paying for another ambulance ride! Those things cost way to damn much money."

Brooke, having regained her control, returned. "No kidding, its ridiculous. Shawn, go bring your car as close as possible. Bill, help Amanda and I get him over to the road. You guys can finish without us, we got enough subs."

Bill nodded and basically picked Gary up very carefully, and started to move towards the road nearby while Shawn jogged off.

10 minutes later and they were pulling into a nearby walk in clinic. Amanda ran in to grab a wheelchair while Brooke and Shawn gingerly helped Gary out.

"Geesuz Christ! You two trying to kill me! Ow, hey watch it," Gary muttered, half joking. "Worst… helpers… ever…"

"Quiet or we'll push you over cripple," joked Shawn back.

"He'd do it too," commented Brooke. "I'd probably help."

Gary shot them both dirty looks. "I hate you all."

"You've been saying that a lot," said Amanda as she pulled the wheelchair up and they carefully set Gary into the chair.

Brooke took a quick look around. They were parked right in front of the door, so Shawn was moving to park the car, when she did a double take at a figure exiting the clinic, walking with a slight limp and looking like hell. "Sam?" she called out.

The figure practically… scratch that, make it literally… jumped, before raising her head and meeting Brooke's eyes, looking somewhat scared. "Oh… hi," she spoke softly, maintaining her distance. "What happened?" she asked them.

"Soccer incident. You'd know that if you actually ever showed up!" exclaimed Gary.

Sam lowered her head again. "Sorry." She looked around and saw they were staring at her questioningly. "I tripped down the stairs outside our place. Sorry."

Brooke's eyes narrowed. Something was fishy. "Really? Are you ok? And is that all, you look really bad." She took a step towards Sam but she took a step back.

"I'm sick too, ok? Flu bug or something. I've got to go. Get better Gary."

"Sam, wait, if your sick, come over and we'll take care of you," said Brooke.

Shawn gave a half laugh. "Yea, we'll be your personal maids and everything. Or Brooke will at least."

"Shut up Shawn," muttered Amanda.

Shawn muttered something at Amanda which caused her to shoot him a glare, not that it mattered because Sam was already walking away. "Thanks but no thanks," was all she responded.

Brooke ran after Sam. "Sam… you can't keep telling me nothing's wrong. Come on, talk to me."

Sam growled back, "Brooke, all you've done every time we speak for the last… well pretty much every conversation in recent memory, is tell me that something is wrong. And I keep telling you, nothing is wrong. Take the fucking hint. Or maybe there is something wrong." She paused, and her voice got low and dangerous. "Yea, you're right. You're fucking right for once in your miserable pathetic life. You're the problem here Brooke. With your 'better-than-thou' attitude. Shove your finger down your throat and just back off." Sam shot Brooke withering glare before turning, getting in her car, without Brooke even able to answer.

Instead Brooke stood there, shocked at what Sam had said. Thankful that none of the others had heard what Sam had said.

She felt something wet on her cheek and raised her hand to it, surprised to realize that a tear had slipped out. Her hurt from Sam's comment was replaced seconds later by fury and she slammed her hand on Sam's window.

"What, you just gonna walk away you bitch? I don't even know why I fucking try with you! You want to be miserable, be it! I'm done with your stupid shit!" She turned around and marched back to her friends, who were staring at her in amazement while Sam drove away.

If any of them could have seen Sam's face, they would know there were tears on her face, and it was a picture of agony.

But none of them could see her face.

"Jeesuz Brooke, being a bit hard on her?" asked Amanda, shocked.

Brooke took a deep breathe to regain control, knowing that she had made a big mistake. Only Sam could make her rise so quickly. It's not what Sam had said, or even how she had said it. She'd gotten that shit from Nicole before, and from others. No, it was nothing more than that Sam had said it. "I know," she said, sounding tired. "I know," she repeated.

The three other friends shared glances. Amanda threw her head in the direction of the clinic. Shawn nodded in understanding and started to push Gary inside.

Amanda walked up to Brooke and grabbed her hand, dragging her to a bench nearby, but didn't say anything, merely reached into her bag and passed Brooke a Kleenex.

They sat in silence for a moment, before Brooke finally broke the oppressive silence. "I really am a horrible person it seems."

Amanda gave her a quizzical look. "How do you figure that?" she asked.

"I'm trying to help Sam and all I end up doing is getting into a fight with her and causing more problems."

Amanda didn't answer for a moment. "Brooke… this isn't your fault. Sam is in trouble, and isn't letting us help. I don't know what she said to you, but I imagine it wasn't pretty. Everyone has their line, and maybe she passed it." Her voice was soft and soothing, and Brooke felt a little more comfortable from it.

"I guess… it's just… ah hell I dunno. I just… hate being so… helpless. It's just…" she trailed off, not sure how to continue.

"Yea…" Amanda replied, also trailing off. She got it. There was no way to express the feeling, but it sucked. "Well… have you talked to Devon recently? He's the only one Sam is really close with now. Maybe… maybe he knows."

Brooke sighed, looking down at her fidgeting hands. "Or maybe it is him. Maybe this relationship is killing her emotionally."

"It could be, but we can't say that. Maybe it's the only thing keeping her afloat. We don't know." She paused. "I think you should call him." Brooke didn't look up for a moment, and Amanda fell silent.

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hey, Devon. It's Brooke, how are you?"

"I'm fine Brooke. What's up?" Devon sat down on the sofa in his apartment, phone in hand, black Russian in the other, quickly trying to think of how he could use this call to his advantage.

He heard Brooke sigh on the other end. "It's Sam."

"I thought this was Brooke," he said smoothly.

"Devon, I'm serious. Something's up."

Devon didn't even react. "Oh? What about her?"

"She's been acting all funky… all weird. You must have noticed it. She's a perpetual sad sack, lacking her normal fire. Her usual Sam-ness is just not there."

"Not there? Well, you know, it is that time of year."

"I know that, but past years have never been this bad. It's like there's something more going on. And she won't talk to me. She won't talk to anyone it seems."

Devon grinned at that, and took a drink. "That's weird. I haven't noticed anything more weird then normal. Are you sure it's not… well, I don't want to say it, but are you sure it's not you?"

"What are you saying Devon? That it's my fault."

Devon's grin widened. "Nooo, of course not. Maybe Sam has moved on though. Maybe she just needs a change. Maybe you changed and she didn't. I don't really know, I haven't noticed her change towards me."

"Well maybe you should pay more attention to her!" she snapped back. Devon could sense that he had pressed all the right buttons, just maybe too much. He wanted to seem caring still. "Maybe you should know what's going on damn it!"

Devon's grin slid away. This was getting weird. It wasn't playing out exactly how he would have liked it to. Maybe he had pushed enough buttons on her for now. "Wowa calm down Brooke. Sorry, I guess that didn't come out right."

Brooke muttered something that Devon couldn't make out, but then said, "Yea sorry for snapping at you. This whole situation just has me a bit on edge."

"Understandable, if you're concerned that something's wrong with Sam then I can understand and appreciate it. Still, she's just been a little sick as of late, and with her dad's anniversary… well I think it's just sorta all been adding up. Tell you what though; I'll have a talk with her. Try to get to the root of it. How does that sound?"

Relief tinged Brooke's reply. "That would be great. Thanks a lot Devon, I owe you one. I hope Sam feels better from her trip down the stairs. I saw her at the clinic."

Devon's face openly showed shock. "Oh I'm sure you'd do the same for me. And it wasn't too bad of a fall. Listen, I think I hear Sam coming in. I'll have a chat with her. I'll talk to you later, ok?"

"Thanks Devon, good night." The phone went dead as Devon lowered it. The door opened a moment later and Sam stumbled in. Devon inwardly sneered, but kept control.

The bitch didn't get it. Why couldn't she understand what was wrong? And now she wasn't keeping everything quiet. Brooke was definitely starting to wonder.

Sam started to walk past and head straight for the bedroom. Devon cleared his throat and rose. "Something to say Sam?"

She barely acknowledged him, instead spitting out a "hi," and continuing to walk.

"That's it? Come on Sam, I love you, you love me, shouldn't we be saying something more?" He paused, a sinister silence. "You do love me, don't you," he continued, his voice dark and low.

She turned to him, and he could see the apology on her face, right next to the fear. "I'm sorry. It's been a rough day."

"Rough indeed. I hear you fell down some stairs."

Sam winced. "Yea… I've got pills for internal bleeding from it even."

"That's good." Even voice. He could see that Sam was getting nervous from his calm voice, from his controlled method. That was yet another part of what he had to do, keep her off balance, keep her confused.

"Yea," she replied unsuredly.

"Brooke called. Asked questions. She was worried that you might keep messing up her life if you kept acting all weird." Sam, who had lit up when she heard that Brooke had called, let her shoulders sag when he finished. Perfect.

"I know. I'm trying real hard. You believe me don't you?"

He sighed. "Sam, I really wanna believe you're changing. I'm trying my best to help you, but sometimes I question your commitment."

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"Well maybe sorry doesn't cut it," he said bitingly. "Maybe you should be doing something about it."

Sam's eye's sparked. "Listen you bastard. I'm trying, but you're not fucking helping. You're just messing with my head. I know that, you know that, and soon everyone will know that."

Devon almost broke out grinning. This was the best she could fire back with now? She truly was almost broken. "Ah so the truth comes out does it." He marched menacingly towards her, but was surprised when she stood her ground, fury riding freely on her features. "That's what you really think of me is it. Pretty damn ungrateful, don't you think." He towered over her, and she still didn't back down.

"Oooh big man," she said, but didn't continue as he raised his hand to backhand her. She flinched, but Devon didn't follow through. She was already beaten, was already fearful again. She cowered back. "I'm sorry," she said meekly. Pathetic. "I don't know what came over me."

"Whatever," he growled back. "Get out of here."

She didn't say anything, but instead limped into her room. Devon turned and went to the liquor cabinet. He needed a drink.

* * *

Sam lay in the bed, tossing and turning – or at least turning very slowly to avoid any pain – desperate for sleep. She had come into her room and changed into pajamas, forgoing even basic hygiene and instead fallen into bed. But despite her fatigue and general pains, perhaps because of them, she had been unable to sleep. Instead she was berating herself for her conduct earlier. What had she been thinking? It was pure insanity to act like that.

What surprised her however was why she thought it was insanity. There 2 reasons why actually, and they seemed like they should conflict. On the one hand, she felt it was madness that she even cowed, that she let him do this to her.

But the other voice in her head, the much stronger one that she couldn't help but listen to, told her it was insane that she would backtalk to someone who had given her so much, especially when he could inflict so much onto her.

She sighed. This was just a mess. She then heard the creek of the door opening, but didn't even turn to look, afraid of what she'd see.

She heard somewhat labored breathing, and then trudging steps as Devon came closer. There was a moment's pause, when she could hear him pulling his clothes off. Then he slipped into bed next to her, and touched her softly with his hand.

"Wake up babe."

Sam grunted in response. "Tired," she muttered back.

"Come onnnn." She could smell the alcohol on his breath. Damn could she ever. "Let's have some fun."

"Not tonight Devon."

His voice became cold. "Sam…" he started warningly.

"Devon… please."

He turned her towards him forcefully. "Now Sam."

She slowly nodded. "Ok." She felt a tear burn from her eye.

* * *

"_What the hell is going on? Why is she pushing me away? Why can't I help her? Why won't she let me help her!?_" Brooke's mind was running at a kilometer a minute, questions flying through her head, but no answers. She was lying on her bed just staring at the ceiling.

The situation today with Sam was just making things worse for her. Now she definitely couldn't shake the feeling that something is terribly wrong with Sam, and she just won't tell anyone. Before it was suspicions… now it was fact as far as Brooke was concerned. Could Sam have done it to herself or be doing it to herself? Depression can be pretty powerful. Any psychological problem can be, as her own battle with eating disorders had shown her.

Still, Sam was definitely in danger, and even as she sat here thinking about it she couldn't help but feel that things had just gotten a lot worse for her.

There was a knock at her door. "Come in," she called out.

Amanda opened the door and took a half step in. "How are you doing Brooke?"

She snorted. "About as well as can be expected after someone tells you that it's your fault your sister is screwed up."

"Come on Brooke, you know he didn't mean that. We already talked about this, remember?"

Brooke did. She had called Devon about 30 minutes after Sam had taken off, and then after that call she and Amanda had had a long chat about it. There really wasn't anything left to say. And they were no closer to any sort of a solution. "Things are just piling up. I mean Sam, plus school, plus… my own questionings. I just feel weighed down by it all."

Amanda got on the bed beside her and adopted a similar position, lying on her back, hands behind her head. "Well… we can talk about your other questioning if you'd like."

Brooke didn't say anything for a moment, unsure if she really wanted to have this conversation. She decided she needed to have it, even if she didn't want to. "I don't know whether to call Lana. I mean, yea I'd like to explore. But I don't know if I wanna 'explore' explore. It's just a lot to take in."

"Yea, I know what you mean. Well… ok not exactly, but I can understand the feeling. But don't even make it a date. Just be 2 friends getting together. If it helps, I can come, and maybe one of her friends too. Make it a… get together I guess."

"You mean double date," smirked Brooke. "That's not a terribly bad idea. But with this Sam thing… I mean, I'm just so worried about her, and I'm worried I won't really be there fully if I do something with her. If something happened to Sam I'd…" she paused. What would she do?

Amanda didn't say anything, instead she jumped up in shock, eyes wide. "Holy shit!" she exclaimed. "Oh… wow… shit…"

Brooke bolted up at Amanda's shocking motion and her words. "What! What's wrong! Did you figure Sam out?"

Amanda suddenly looked really nervous. Which was a shock, cause she never looked nervous. Ever! "Errmmm… I think I'm… No fucking way."

"What!? You're scaring me."

"It's nothing bad… I think. I ummm… remembered I forgot an assignment. Yea that's it!" She had that really shifty look about her.

Brooke gave her a friendly sneer. "You're normally such a good liar. What was that supposed to be?"

Amanda sighed and thrust her hands in her pocket before moving to the door, head down. "Look Brooke, it's nothing bad. It's just something you have to figure out on your own. If I tell you… well I don't know what would happen. Just trust me that it's not bad. And I could be wrong. I must be wrong." Her voice sounded like she didn't think it was wrong though.

"Oh come on, you gotta tell me. You can't leave me like this!"

She moved through the door. "Goodnight Brooke."

Brooke rose and followed her. "Tell me!"

"I said goodnight." Amanda's tone left no room for argument, so Brooke shut the door and sat on her bed, sulking slightly.

She knew Amanda would never keep anything from her without good reason. She did wonder what it was, but Amanda wouldn't do something to hurt her. Maybe she shouldn't worry about it. God knows she had enough to worry about with Sam.

Of course, having the intention to not worry about something didn't mean she wouldn't worry about it. Stupid overactive brain. She totally was not going to be able to sleep tonight.

* * *

A/N: For the record, the scene with Sam in the bedroom disgusts me. I wrestled for about an hour trying to decide whether to put it in. Please don't hate me for it, but there was a literary reason for putting it in which will (hopefully) be made clear later (though I might scrap that side plot, I'm still debating. Just wanted to leave the option open).


	6. Part 5

WARNING: DARK! DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! Read at your own risk!

* * *

Friday November 7th

"WOOOOHHHH!! Dude that was awesome! Do it again!"

"I don't… I don't think I can."

"Come on! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"

Brooke rolled her eyes as she took a sip of her newly acquired margarita. Boys. Always with the drinking games. Or the chugging games. Or the… boy games.

She walked back to the couch where there group was sitting. Even Sam and Devon had come out tonight, though the two of them just sat quietly on the loveseat all cuddly.

The last month had been awkward as hell between her and Sam. They hadn't spoke until a week ago, and then there had been no apologies or anything, they had just moved on. But there was tenseness there, as if all out war could break out at anytime. And Brooke had a feeling it probably would.

They'd started talking again the day before Halloween, and normally Sam was really into it and always had great idea for things to do on it, with fancy costumes and insane gigs, but this year she just wanted to stay in. Yet another change in Sam that worried Brooke.

Brooke took a seat on the couch in between Amanda and Gary. She gave Gary a shove on the arm. "How's the leg?"

"It's fine, if somewhat dampening on the dance party" he replied, taking a drink from his beer. His shin bone had been completely broken, and it was still in a cast. "That is, if there was actually dancing going on. Pretty tame party."

Shawn, who was sitting on the armrest next to Amanda, just laughed. "Tame? It's a snooze fest and tiny to boot. Those morons chugging are going to be puking any second now." As if on cue, one of them ran from the room, one hand on his stomach, the other over his mouth. "Bingo."

Devon let out a little laugh. "You're one to talk Shawn."

Shawn just grinned. "Hey, that was one time!"

"I have 3 different videos on my computer," snickered Amanda. "And every time you had a different line for the night. Night 1: I can take it, I'm a real man. Night 2: You only live once! Night 3: Bitches, I'll drink you under the table." Everyone laughed at the memories.

Shawn mock glowered. "Ok fine!"

"So Devon, how's the lacrosse going?" asked Maya, who was sitting in a chair next to the loveseat.

Devon's happy attitude immediately dropped and Sam seemed to tighten up. "Like shit. Kevin is still causing trouble and now the other guys are picking up on it." He seemed to squeeze Sam harder. "It's just retarded. I mean, how can the guys be so stupid? It just gets me all riled up."

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad."

"It is." His reply was ice-cold, and left a hollow silence in the conversation, no one wanting to draw Devon's ire.

Finally Gary reached for his crutches. "I need another beer. Anyone else?"

Shawn rose too. "I'll get one with you." The two left, and Maya skipped over to Gary's seat.

"So, did you call her yet?" asked Maya quietly, quiet enough that Sam and Devon couldn't hear, although the two were having their own conversation so it was unlikely they would hear anyways.

"No," replied Brooke sadly. "I lost Lana's number. I think it went through the wash."

Amanda sighed. "Of course it did. Come on McQueen, are you sure you're not just avoiding the whole situation."

Brooke shot Amanda a dirty look. "No, I'm not. I'm trying to find out more about it. And besides, I thought you had it solved."

"Oh I do. But there's a process that has to be followed. I already know how this is going to turn out," she said cockily, winking at Brooke.

"Well can you tell me?" asked Maya.

Amanda snorted. "Gossip queen herself? I don't think so."

"Gossip queen! Why I never!" she replied, kind of sarcastic but not really.

Brooke sighed. "You two are ridiculous."

"Ok Queen McQueen. Hey, instead of answering Steve McQueen to any question you don't know the answer for, do you answer Brooke McQueen?"

Brooke just stared Maya down at the sheer ridiculousness of that whole statement. "You're joking, right?'

Maya just grinned. "Hey, at least I'm not biting anyone's head off." She threw her head over at Devon.

"No kidding. What's up with that?"

Brooke shrugged. "Who knows? Err wait… could it have something to do with Sam?"

Amanda arched an eyebrow. "Could be. But I don't really see a link? Anyways, this is a party. Let's talk about this later."

"Yea… ok. I'm gonna hit up the bathroom. I'll be back quick." Brooke rose and shuffled towards the washroom on the mainfloor, but upon seeing the line of four people made her way to the stairs and took them up quickly. Conveniently, there was no line and someone was exiting the bathroom just as Brooke reached the door so she was able to quickly slip in and do her business.

She washed her hands and opened the door, moving towards the stairs when someone grabbed her shoulder from the side.

"Heyyy Broooke." Brooke glanced at the drunken figure, realizing that it was Chris. "What… what are you doing here?"

"Chris. I'm just here with my friends," Brooke answered back shortly. "Stop fuckin stalking me. You keep conveniently 'showing up' wherever I am."

Chris sneered at her, ignoring her second comment. "Friends. Who would want to be friends with you? You use people and then discard them."

"I do not," shot Brooke back. "And even if I did, at least I'm not an asswipe who the world would be better off without."

Chris, in his drunken state, took a moment to register the insult before responding angrily. "Hey, I'm not the frigid bitch who for no reason breaks up. But hey, I'm forgiving, so if yer interested…" he paused, looking her up and down. "And I know you are; I'd be up for giving you another chance."

Brooke just threw her head back and laughed. "Yea right. Like I'd ever want to be with a prick like you who's dick is too small to satisfy any woman."

Chris didn't seem that bothered. "Hey, I'm not the whoring homo. We both know what you are Brooke. A disturbed dyke. A loser lesbian. A fucked up queer."

Before she knew what she was doing her hand had extended and slapped him hard enough his face twisted and in his drunken state he actually stumbled. "Shut your mouth you dirty fucktard."

"Hit a nerve did I?" He stepped up to her and reached out, slapping her right back. She stumbled back from it, surprised that he hit her.

She heard a figure reach the top of the stairs behind her. "Hey Brooke, we're about to start a game of sociables. Wanna jo… What the hell is going on here?" Shawn walked up beside Brooke, saw the red mark on her face and immediately inserted himself between Brooke and Chris. "What happened?" he asked.

Chris snorted. "She slapped me, I slapped her back. Bitch deserved it."

Shawn gave Chris a push hard enough that he fell into the wall. "You hit her? What the fuck is wrong with you."

"Shawn, calm down. It's ok." Brooke grabbed him, keeping Shawn from stepping forward. "It's fine. He's not worth it. You don't have to do anything."

"Should kick his fucking ass is what I should do," he muttered.

Chris laughed. "Like to see you try."

"Like Brooke said. You're not worth it."

Brooke came around to face Shawn from the front, ignoring Chris. "Let's just leave him be. The shithead can say whatever the hell he wants."

"If that's what you want," replied Shawn, still looking past Brooke at Chris.

"Coward," called out Chris, but neither answered as they descended the stairs.

They returned to the group, Brooke seeming rather sullen, and the others could feel the tension from the two.

"What's up?" asked Amanda.

Brooke sighed. "Nothing. Look, this party's lame. Let's just head home."

"Fine by me. I've just been waiting for you guys," said Gary as he hobbled up. "Sam, Devon, you two coming?"

Devon shrugged. "Sure, why not. We can pop by for a little while. Come on baby." Sam obediently rose and stood next to him. "Where'd Maya go?"

"The usual. Random guy who's expecting something he ain't getting." replied Amanda. "Seems really silly if you ask me."

"Yea well, that's Maya for you."

They left the party and started to walk back towards there place. It was just a five minute walk, though it was filled with some jokes about Gary's hobbling, especially when Shawn grabbed his crutch and ran around screaming like a chicken. No one knew why it was funny, it just was.

"So, Sam, wanna stay the night? Have a bit of a girl's night?" asked Brooke hopefully. "I need some sister time you know."

"Yes," Sam immediately responded, seemingly thrilled at the idea, though immediately she turned to Devon who had broken out scowling. "I mean… if it's alright with you honey.

"Well I dunno. I thought we could…"

Amanda quickly jumped in. "Oh come on, you're not the boss of her. If Sam wants to do this, she should! You have lots of time together, it's our turn."

Devon didn't say anything, instead staring down at Sam, a seeming silent conversation going on between the two.

"Alright," he finally said slowly. "Sam…" he started, and then stopped, tugging her by the arm away and speaking to her in a hushed voice.

Brooke frowned, noting the submissive way that Sam was just nodding her head and agreeing. Where was her fire!? The two returned a moment later, Sam looking a bit paler then before while Devon seemed… smug almost.

"Ok then girls, have fun. Don't let the boy's crash your party."

Shawn snorted. "Please, they're crashing our party. Drunken Halo?"

"You know it," replied Gary.

As a chorus, both Amanda and Brooke simply said, "nerds."

Shawn just shrugged. "Hey, it's not our fault that tonight is lame. Not like you guys are going to be doing anything but running around screaming in your PJ's and the… usual girl slumber party stuff. Of which I have no knowledge about, I swear."

"We all know what you used to do Shawn. Creeping around," commented Gary slyly.

"ME! What about you, with your cam… Damnit I just admitted it didn't I."

Even Sam burst out laughing at that, and when it stopped there was a lull. "Wait a minute… were you about to say camera," asked Sam.

Shawn immediately cut in with "Yes," while Gary came back with a resolute, "No."

The two then turned and started to bicker with one another, causing everyone to laugh harder.

"Ok FINE! I made it up. But it's not like I actually creep around. I just… am a sneaky person. I can't help it," admitted Shawn finally after what seemed like a 10 minute argument.

Brooke just smiled gamely. "It's a damn good thing I know that this was all a joke or heads would roll." She paused. "It was a joke, right?" her eyes narrowed.

"Nope! I have video's of you girls having pillow fights and everything, and Shawn here climbs out on the roof to look into the window. You should check it on Youtube. It's quite a fun experience." There was an awkward pause. "Too far?"

"Just a little," commented Devon.

Amanda joined back in. "On that note, I'd like to say that this conversation got really creepy and really contributed nothing to anything. Except to make sure I have nightmares tonight."

"Me too," Sam agreed

"Me three," added in Brooke

"Me four." Everyone turned to look at Gary. "What? Oh come on, I didn't wanna be left out." Empty stares were all that greeted him.

"Ok, that's enough. I'm heading off. Have a good time Sam. See you tomorrow." The last part was a little menacing, something that Brooke found odd but let it slide as Devon left.

They headed inside, the guys immediately heading to the television to play video games while the girls charged up the stairs to get out of their party clothes.

"Brooke, did I ever leave a pair of PJ's over here?"

"Of course you didn't Sam. But don't worry; Maya is about your size. Come." She beckoned with her hand and walked towards the open door of Maya's room, who would no doubt be back later. "She won't mind. She'll be back later probably. She can join us."

They went back to Brooke's room, where Brooke didn't hesitate in taking off her clothes, quickly stripping them off to reveal her tanned body.

Sam just stood there somewhat awkwardly, avoiding looking directly at Brooke but trying to look like she wasn't avoiding looking at her, as red rose to her cheeks. This of course only drew more attention to her.

Brooke noticed and smiled at Sam. "Oh come on Sam, we were roommates in first year and lived together second year. Plus, we're sisters."

"Step-sisters," Sam muttered. "And yea, I know, its just weird after all this time."

Brooke continued to smile cheekily as she finished throwing her PJ's on. "Awww, poor little Sammy is shy." She walked over to her. "Lemme give you a hand." She grabbed Sams shirt and was about to life it when Sam slapped her hands away and stepped back, shocking Brooke.

"Don't," Sam started, voice warning.

Brooke was surprised at Sam's reaction. She didn't know what was wrong with it. She realized then that with her recent questionings about her sexuality, that perhaps it could be viewed as an advance. But it wasn't, honest. It was just sister fun. "I'm sorry Sam. I was just playing. You know, having a little fun. It's fine. I won't interfere." She walked back to the bed and sat down, feeling shitty. For awhile, it looked like Sam had let her walls down, but her own stupidity and lack of thought had shut her right back out.

Sam stood there awkwardly holding Maya's pajamas. "Sorry," Sam started. "I just… it's weird."

"Ok Sam, it is fine. You have nothing to be sorry about. But hurry up and change, Amanda is waiting for us."

Sam shifted worriedly. "Err… ok. I'm just gonna go to the bathroom. We're watching the movie in Amanda's room?"

Brooke nodded and Sam turned and walked out. Brooke frowned, wondering why Sam was so uncomfortable around her. She tried to think of anything that she'd done recently, or even long ago, that might result in Sam's recent actions, but couldn't think of any.

Her frown deepened as she rose and headed for Amanda's room. Things would hopefully sort themselves out. For now, they had a chick flick to watch.

* * *

"Breakfast is ready!"

Sam awoke with a jerk at the yell. She raised her head slowly, realizing that she was on the floor on one of those roll out foam mattresses in a sleeping bag. It had gotten a bit hairy last night in avoiding sleeping in the same bed as Brooke. They had done it a few times in the past when they had friends up or something like that, but that was before… before the last year.

She saw Brooke roll out of bed beside her a moment later. "Jeesuz what time is it?"

Sam glanced at the clock. "Wow… 10am. I guess we were up pretty late." She supposed that was an understatement. They had stayed up until 4am watching movies and then gossiping a bit. Or at least Amanda and Brooke had gossiped. Sam had just remained silent, content to let them have their fun. She felt out of place, like she didn't belong in this world. She supposed it was because she didn't. Not anymore. Everything had changed for her.

"True. Well, come on, let's go see what breakfast is." The step-sisters slowly got up and stumbled there way to the stairs. They entered the kitchen a moment later to a grinning Shawn and Gary.

"We made breakfast! And incredibly, it's not complete crap!" Shawn exclaimed.

Amanda sighed. "It's unbelievable. For once, they've actually managed to not screw up cooking. In fact, I'd say it's good."

Brooke laughed. "Oh please. It can't be good. This is Shawn and Gary we're talking about."

Gary opened his mouth wide in shock. "Please no more! You wound us. Besides, bacon and French toast is easy."

Sam had already sat down and started to dig in. "mm, this is really quite good. You boys really did learn how to cook."

Shawn grinned as he sat down next to her and grabbed some bacon. "Yep! My cooking repertoire now consists of French toast, Bacon, and a damn good bowl of cereal. With the hard stuff out of the way, I was figuring I'd move onto soufflé and… other fancy stuff."

"Oh boy, I can't wait," snorted Maya, speaking for the first time. She had came in at 2 last night but had gone right to bed so hadn't been up too late.

"So what was up with the quick exit last night? I forgot to ask you," Amanda said, curious.

Brooke sighed. "It was Chris. He was there. He seems to be doing that a lot lately."

"What lately?" asked Maya

"Showing up. Always being around. It's starting to worry me. I think he's stalking me"

"Oh come on. I don't think Chris would do that," piped in Shawn. At the glares Amanda and Brooke gave him, he held up his hands. "Hey, I know he said some nasty things and was totally out of line when you broke up, and hell, I wanted to kick his ass last night. But I don't think he would stalk someone!"

Brooke put down her fork and finished swallowing her food. "I have seen him everywhere. The mall, the food courts on campus, at the last three parties I went to. I have seen him almost every day for the last three weeks."

There was silence for a moment, as everyone digested what Brooke said. Her voice had been calm, but there had been a hint of desperation in it.

"Oh…" started Shawn.

"Well maybe Shawn and I should go have a little chat with him," started Gary a little angrily as he hobbled to a standing position. "Get him to back off."

"And you'll what? Beat him with your crutches?" Amanda commented sarcastically. "Bring Devon with you maybe."

Shawn shook his head. "Bad idea. Devon would want to stay out of it; he's pretty much Chris's best friend, right Sam?"

Sam nodded mutely, and the conversation kept moving. "It's a moot point anyways you two. I don't want you guys to intervene. I can handle him," said Brooke rather forcefully.

"Like you handled it last night Brooke? He slapped you. He's lucky I didn't throw his ass out a window. De-fenestrate him you might say," commented Shawn angrily, though still throwing his sarcastic comment in there.

"He hit you!?" exclaimed Amanda.

Brooke winced. "Yes. But it was just a slap, and I hit him first. It was nothing really."

"No, it was something. A big something. Brooke, we have to do something," added Maya.

Brooke gave a half snarl. "Look, all of you back off. I can handle him. If things get worse, then we can talk about it then, but for now, let me handle it."

Sam had been sitting quietly eating her breakfast, not really participating. It's not that she didn't have anything to say, she did. She just wanted to think things through; she wanted to gather as much information as possible. She wanted to be sure she wasn't screwing anything up, that she wouldn't do anything to disappoint Devon.

Now she was sure of what she had to do. "No Brooke. Let me." Her voice was cold, and the others immediately took note. There was no way anyone would be allowed to touch Brooke. As soon as he hit her, he crossed the line and now he was going to have a nice long chat about it with her. Whether he wanted to or not.

"Sam, sis, this is my problem. There's no room for discussion here."

"Good, because we're not having a discussion Brooke. Chris and I will be having the discussion."

Everyone wisely stayed out of it. They'd heard the stories about the epic battles in high school between the blonde and the brunette. They'd only witnessed a handful of fights since they'd met them, but they had been pretty explosive.

Brooke sized Sam up and then stepped right up to her. "You listen to me McPherson. If you so much as utter a peep to him, I'll…"

She was cut off by Sam. "You'll what? You can't do anything to me. We go through this every fight Brooke. You didn't scare me in High School when you held way more so called 'power', why would you scare me now. So blondie, how bout you back off and let me handle Chris. He hit you. And he might hit you again. Nay, he is bound too."

Brooke snarled. "So what? If he's hit me, he might hit you. How is that any better?"

Sam seemed to wilt for a second before growing stronger. "He won't hit me. And even if he does, it doesn't matter."  
"Why not Sam?"

Sam seemed to hesitate, about to answer 'because I'm not you', but thought better of it. She didn't want to raise any sort of suspicion. "It just doesn't. So princess, how about you back off."

Brooke wasn't sure how to react. Sam was really fired up for the first time in… a long time, like 6 months, and Brooke wasn't sure how to deal with it. It was just so great to see Sam into something. She had this sudden hot flash, causing her to flush red and hesitate long enough for Sam to exit the kitchen and head upstairs.

Brooke saw the others looking at her expectantly, and she turned and ran after Sam.

"McPherson, this isn't over!" She heard her door slam seconds before reaching it, and found it locked. "Open this door Sam. It's my room."

"I'm changing."

"No you're not Sam. You're not leaving this fucking house until you agree not to speak to Chris." A moment later and the door opened, revealing a dressed Sam.

"You don't tell me what to do Brooke. Don't ever presume you have that power," she snarled, and Brooke was shocked at Sam's tone. There was raw fury in her voice; she hadn't felt that in… a long time. And this seemed much worse then even back then. This was something that really mattered to Sam.

Brooke frowned, but held her ground in front of Sam. "Sam, this is between me and Chris. I need you to leave it alone. You have enough on your plate without my problems."

"There's nothing on my plate Brooke."

"Well there's something wrong with you Sam! You're all wrong and messed up! You don't need this."

Sam's face instantly changed from wrathful to hurt. She lowered her head and seemed to shrink, her voice quiet. "You… think there's something wrong with me? You think I'm a failure don't you."

Brooke didn't follow for a moment, when she suddenly realized that she'd hit on something here, something important. "Is that what's been bothering you Sam? That you think you're a failure? Because your not. Sammy, you're going to graduate as a journalist Sam. An amazing one at that, and…"

She was cut off by Sam's voice, the anger back. "Don't patronize me Brooke. I've got to go. Don't worry about Chris, I'll handle him." With that she roughly pushed her way past a shocked Brooke before she could even reply and bounced down the stairs and out the door.

Brooke turned and started towards the stairs, trying to figure out the extremely weird turn of events. Apparently Sam was having some self confidence issues. It was bad enough that she had thought Brooke had been patronizing her. Was that all that this weirdness in Sammy could be? It couldn't be. Then again, Sam's greatest strength had always been her self-confidence. If it was shaken, who knew what Sam was like?

She made it down the stairs to the kitchen, feeling a little dejected at the turn of events. The others just sat there awkwardly, not sure what to say. They probably hadn't heard anything after Brooke told Sam she was all messed up as the two of them had got really quiet.

Finally Shawn broke the silence. "Well… that could have gone better."

Amanda shot him a death glare and Shawn lowered his head. Brooke decided there was no sense moping or anything about it. "Yea. But that wasn't that bad really. Quite tame."

Gary laughed nervously. "No kidding. It was nothing compared to that battle over the rightmost room you two had back in second year."

Brooke couldn't help but smile at the memory. Back in second year, when Sam and Brooke had moved in here with Amanda, Shawn and Gary, they had gotten into a battle for the room that was to the right at the top of the stairs. By agreement, the three girls had gotten the upstairs bedrooms while the boys would take the downstairs ones. Anyways, as was a well known fact both Sam and Brooke NEEDED to have the right most object or whatever, so they had pretty much had an all out war over it, despite it being the smallest room of the three.

Looking back, it was quite the stupid thing to fight over, but Brooke would do it again. She loved seeing Sam all fired up and ready to fight, it was such a thrill. And heck, it had been fun. Sam had eventually won out in some stupid bet they had, and had rubbed it in her face the rest of the year. Naturally when Sam moved in with Devon and Maya came in to replace her, Brooke had taken that room.

Still, it was a happy memory. From a time when her and Sam had been much better off than now.

The phone rang, interrupting any further conversation as Gary picked it up. "Hello..? Oh hey Devon, how's it going..? Yea pretty good here too…. Sam? No, she just left… yea we had a bit of a blow up."

Brooke turned her attention back to her pancakes. She knew Gary would fill Devon in on what happened. Maybe Devon could talk some sense into Sam, keep her from talking to Chris.

Hah, like anyone could convince Sam of that now.

* * *

"_There's something wrong with me. I knew it all along. Devon told me, and he was right._" Sam was walking home, not feeling like taking the bus and having not driven over last night. It was only a 20 minute walk, right along the edge of campus for part of it, so it wasn't a particularly large bother or anything.

But her confrontation with Brooke earlier was weighing on her mind. Brooke had basically told her she was a failure, and then had tried to cover it up, taking pity on her and not wanting to lay into Sam to much. Probably a good thing. But still, it hurt, Sam couldn't deny that. Deep down she'd always hoped that Devon had been wrong, but Brooke had pretty much pushed that thought away.

Sam sighed and sat down on a nearby bench, suddenly feeling very tired. Tired of all this shit she had to put up with. Tired of being a failure. Tired of being a burden.

She closed her eyes and let her head loll down, trying to let go of her thoughts.

"Sam..?" A gentle voice stirred her moments later, and Sam jerked up, realizing she'd fallen asleep. "Sam, are you ok?"

Sam reluctantly took a look at the figure standing over her, and was shocked to see none other then Nicole Julian. "I'm fine Satan," Sam muttered out. She wasn't in the mood for this.

Nicole smirked that devilish smile. The one that said, 'I'm better than you and I know it'. Sam hated that smile. "Oh I know you are. You look just dandy."

Sam couldn't help but let a little growl escape from her throat. "Too early in the morning for your shit. I had enough in high school don't you think?"

Nicole's smile faded. "It's eleven Spam. It's not that early anymore."

"Oh it's always too early to deal with you. Christ, what the hell do you want from me now? Isn't it enough you made my life a living hell in high school? What more do you want." Sam was starting to get pissed off. She remembered all the hell Nicole put her through.

"Oh please Sam, you liked it. You got off on being my target. It got you noticed."

"Noticed… you think that was what it was about? Fuck, you're more messed up then… well your just fucking messed up."

Nicole actually seemed to take some offence from that instead of letting it sail over her as everything else seemed to. "Oh come off it Sam. You're just jealous. Jealous of everything that I am and everything I always will be."

Sam couldn't help but notice that Nicole wasn't even calling her Spam now. "Jealous of you? Of what you are? And what is that Nicole? A bitch? A slut? Someone whom is un-loveable? Or maybe just someone that the world would be better off without. I suppose those are all a given, but what are you really underneath it all?"

Nicole didn't answer. Sam's voice was even, and cold. Sam had only directed this at Nicole only few times, mostly when she'd attacked her father back in high school. It had barely fazed Nicole, but then, barely fazing was more then normal. But now it seemed to affect Nicole, Sam just wasn't sure how.

"Nothing. Cause there's nothing there."

Nicole opened her mouth almost immediately, staring directly into Sam's eyes. Her voice was very quiet. "At least I'm not a punching bag." As soon as it was out Sam could see that Nicole regretted saying it. But Sam knew what this meant.

Sam's eyes widened a little before slitting. "What's that supposed to mean?" She tried to play it off.

Nicole lowered her head. "I know all about your sick little relationship."

"Excuse me? I don't know what you're talking about."

Nicole sighed. "Look Sam, we could play out this whole charade where I say I know your boyfriend hits you, and you say exactly what you just said, but I don't have time for that."

Sam just nodded. "I see. So, you've come to what? Gloat? Make fun of me?"

Nicole turned a miserable look at Sam, shocking her. "No Sam. I haven't." She stopped, as if considering her words carefully. "I… I'm not completely sure why I'm here."

Sam didn't say anything immediately, instead trying to think of the ramifications of this. "How the hell do you even know about it?"

Nicole didn't answer, a far away look coming over her. Then she seemed to snap back. "This may not be high school hun but I still have my sources. Information is the source of all power after all." She seemed a bit shifty.

Sam sighed. "Right. And that's it huh Nicole?"

Again Nicole was silent, before sitting down next to Sam. "I'm going to tell you something Sam. Something I've only told one other person." Sam turned her full attention to Nicole, not sure what to expect. "Back in first year, I met someone. He seemed really nice at first, we got along really well. We started dating about a month later, and he was really tolerant of the shit I'd give him sometimes. Then it started. Probably similar to the way it started with you. Slow, not too bad. Within 2 months it was daily. I never thought I'd be one to let someone do that to me. I never though you'd be one either. But then, it's so much easier from the outside, isn't it? I know you must think that sometimes. And I understand it."

Sam didn't answer. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Nicole Julian? A victim?

"I finally left him. I had to. It was a matter of time before he did something serious. Something ir-reversible. My friend, the only person who knows about it, was the one who saved me. At the time I wouldn't call this person my friend, but apparently he was."

Sam interrupted, looking closely at Nicole. "Why did you let him do it to you?" she asked quietly, ashamed, as she lowered her head.

Nicole looked off into the distance. "You know I never had any real friends in High School. Just Brookie. She was the only one who believed in me, who actually liked me. Well, I kept that trend out here too. Cold bitch whom everyone feared. So I only had a few people who actually gave shit about me in university. But even they were never as good to me as Brooke was."

Sam seemed to pick up on it. "But not anymore?"

"Not for a long time. Brooke started dropping me after her accident. By the end of high school we were only half friends, though I'm sure you know that. Anyways, between that and the guilt over what I'd done back in…" she stopped. "Well, over what I'd done, I just… needed to feel loved. And he offered it, twisted and fucked up as it was."

Sam didn't answer for a moment, digesting this information. "What did you do Nicole?"

"It's none of you business Sam. You shouldn't worry about it," said Nicole, who turned to look at Sam. Sam was shocked to see the look of pain in Nicole's eyes, the tired look that she knew she often wore herself. "I don't know why you're still with him Sam, but you need to leave him."

"No I don't. He loves me, I love him. End of story."

"Sam, it's not right. Don't let him fuck you up like I got fucked up. Don't make my mistake."

Sam rose and snarled. "I'm not making a mistake. I'm not a screw up! I'm not! So fuck off and let me live my own life." She turned and stalked off, leaving Nicole on the bench, sadly watching her walk away.

* * *

"That's really weird Gary. I'll have a talk with her for sure about it."

"Good man. Just looking out for her you know."

Devon smiled. "Of course. Sam's lucky to have such great friends. I'll let you know if anything's up. Cya."

"Bye." Gary hung up, and Devon let out a little sigh. So, Sam was fighting with Brooke. Not necessarily a bad thing, but not exactly good either. He wasn't worried or anything. He knew Sam wasn't stupid, that she was already trained into the habits of hiding it. But still, he couldn't deny the fact that he had to keep what he did a secret. He knew it was wrong. He knew he should stop it. But he couldn't. He just needed to keep doing it, and he hated himself for it.

A surge of anger rose in him at that thought. Why should he hate himself? Why should he not be free to do whatever the hell he wants?

The anger subsided just as quickly when he heard Sam unlocking the door. Immediately he raised the phone to his ear again as the door creeped open.

"Ok Gary, I understand. Thanks for the heads up about Sam. I know it's getting harder to keep Brooke from finding out about what's going on, but maybe I'll just have to reinforce the lesson tonight… Yea I know, nothing visible. Oh, I think she's here. I'll talk to you late dude." He waited a half second, then hung up as he sensed Sam enter the room and turned to her. "Hi honey."

Sam smiled slightly at him. "Hey." Devon rose and walked over to give her a hug, noting that she cowered back a little as he approached.

"How was last night?" he asked as he released her.

"Good. Quiet girl's night."

"Quiet huh. Sounds like you should have come home. Why did you stay over there?"

Sam kept her head lowered. "I was just trying to appease Brooke, make her happy."

Devon sighed, shaking his head. "Sam, we've been over this."

"I know," she sighed out. "I'm sorry."

"You should be. And what the hell were you thinking this morning? Blowing up like that?"

"I couldn't help it," she replied defensively. "I don't know why."

"Well it never should have happened, and you should know why it did. But since you don't, and you clearly don't care about anyone finding out, maybe I should teach you a lesson."

"Please don't," she whispered meekly, clutching her arms around her chest..

Devon just smiled, horrified at his own actions but unable to stop. "Too bad."

* * *

Sam remembered her 10th birthday like it was yesterday. It was, as far as she could remember, the best day of her life. And it wasn't because she had a big party with all her friends or anything. Nope, it had just been her and her dad going out for a camping trip in the Rocky Mountains. They had packed up all there stuff into backpacks, grabbed a flight up north to Canada, and hiked out in Banff. It had been absolutely breathtaking scenery, even if Sam hadn't been able to completely appreciate it at the time. Still, it wasn't the scenery or the trip that had made it great. It had of course been her dad. They'd stayed up late around the campfire, Joe telling her stories. During the day, they'd just walk around and look at stuff, her dad telling her interesting things. They tried fishing, and she got to see all sorts of wildlife. They had spent time writing on just whatever. That had been what convinced her to be a journalist. The entire 4 day trip had just been fantastic, and Sam had never had such a good time since.

Her dad had been planning another trip for her 14th birthday, but then… well he hadn't made it to her 14th, so she never got a chance to repeat said trip. That didn't bother her too much though, she still had her memories. And these memories would never fade.

Sam slowly came out of her dream world, where she was happy and with her dad, and returned to the real world. As she inched closer and closer to consciousness, she longed to return to that life. Where everything was safe.

Finally she became truly aware of herself, and immediately regretted it. She was lying on the linoleum floor of the kitchen in a pool of her own vomit. She remembered puking after what must have been the 20 or 30th blow to her stomach. She knew that she definitely had internal bleeding, and had probably come fairly close to death last night. She guessed it was morning, just due to the viciousness of last night, as there was no way she would be awake anytime soon.

Still, she didn't bother to remove herself from the vomit. She didn't even move, just let out a little groan with each breath. The pain with every breath was definitely bad. She didn't mind however. Maybe something was really wrong with her now. Maybe she wasn't long for this world. It would be better off without her after all. She realized how morbid that sounded, but she couldn't help it.

She deserved what she got. She was garbage, a failure, and there was no one left who loved her. Well, not completely true, she supposed her mother loved her, even if it was just the love that a mother has to have. That was likely why she remembered her trip with her dad. She knew he loved her, no matter what. But he was gone. Now all she had was pity from others. And maybe Devon.

A tiny sliver of her, smaller than ever before, complained to her to stop letting this happen to her, but she quenched that easily. Oh so easily. Maybe it would leave her alone. Maybe if she stopped that voice inside her, she'd be a better girlfriend, a better person, and not the idiotic moron she was now.

Yes, that's what it was. Devon would finish fixing her, if she'd even started down that path yet. She needed him. It was best this way. He had stepped up his efforts these past weeks. She knew her mind needed to be fixed, but she wasn't sure how much more her body could take.

She trusted Devon though. He wouldn't do anything permanent… unless it was for the best she supposed. Well, that's his right. It was up to him.

She moaned as she tried to shift some of the hair which was plastered to her face before deciding it was best to not move yet. Instead, she let the darkness reclaim her, and hoped that her father would be there for her in her dreams.


	7. Part 6

WARNING: DARK! DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! Read at your own risk!

* * *

Friday November 7th

Easy. Easy now. Careful now! Gotta get this just right. Don't wanna ruin it now! OH NO!

"Potato!" Mac said loudly. "Stupid blocks!" She was sitting in the big room in the house, playing with a bunch of blocks trying to build a big tower. She had managed to make it up to 9 blocks high before the stupid thing fell over.

Mom rushed over. "How high did you get this time Mackenzie?" she asked. "And why are you still saying potato?"

"Because it's a cool word Mom. And I got alllllll the way up to nine this time! Isn't it amazing."

Her Mom gave her a warm smile. "Good work Mackenzie. But you have to clean up now. Sam and Brooke will be here any minute." With that her big tall Mom rose and walked back to the food place.

"Brooke! And Sammy. Oh boy." Mac immediately set to cleaning up, wanting everything to be great for when her big sisters showed up. She heard her Mom yell something, but it wasn't at her, it was at Dad, who was now holding his finger under the water and making weird noises. Adults are weird, but what can you do.

Mac grabbed the last set of blocks and threw them into her toy holding box, then proceeded to start dragging it towards the closet where she kept it. As she was dragging it, her Mom came spinning out of the kitchen and knocked the box over, spilling blocks and other toys everywhere, causing Mac to spit out another, "Oh POTATOS!"

But Mom didn't seem sorry that she'd knocked over her blocks. Instead she just said, "Watch out Mac!" before proceeding to run into laundry room. Again… adults are weird.

Mac sighed and started throwing toys back into the box. Her dad came over to help, but Mac saw that he had white paper all over his finger. "What happened daddy?" She pointed helpfully to his finger.

Dad smiled. "Dad did something dumb and burned his finger dear. It's just tender."

"Well don't do that daddy!"

Dad just shrugged back. "I know Mackenzie. Ok, let's get this into the closet. I think I hear Brooke pulling up."

Mac excitedly tried to push the box into the closet, but all she succeeded at doing was tripping over her own feet. Dad helpfully picked it up and put it away just as the door rang.

"BROOKIEEEEEE!" Mac tore off, her little feet skidding on the wooden floors before finding purchase and she zoomed over to the door, her Mom catching her with a word of "slow down" before opening the door.

"Hi Brooke. Happy Thanksgiving. How are you?" Mom asked as she hugged Brooke while Mac waited impatiently for her turn with Brooke.

"Happy thanksgiving to you too Jane, thanks. I'm good. Everything's going pretty smoothly."

Mac couldn't take it anymore! She forced her way past her Mom and hugged Brooke's leg. "Hi," she said, suddenly shy.

Brooke reached over and hefted her up, holding her up. "Well what do we have here? A pirate? Nope. Hmmm. Are you a superhero?" Mac shook her head. "Oh. Well… maybe you're a TICKLE BUG!" exclaimed Brooke as she gently lowered Mac and started tickling her crazily. Mac tried to escape but Brooke was right there, tickling her and Mac just kept on laughing.

"Brooke. Ahahah. Bwooke. hahaha BWOOOOKKE. Stop! Hahaha." Finally Brooke let her go and Mac ran away giggling madly, hiding behind a chair as Brooke said hi to her dad.

Moments later the two parents returned to the kitchen leaving Brooke alone with Mac, who immediately rushed over. "Wanna play?" asked Mac.

Brooke smiled. "Of course I do Macster. What do you wanna play?" Something seemed wrong with Brooke to Mac. She didn't seem normal.

"Wanna play Tic Tac Toe."

"Do I!" exclaimed Brooke, but Mac realized that Brooke was just going along with her. She didn't really want to. She'd been getting better at noticing when older people didn't mean what they said.

"We don't have to Brooke. I can tell something's wrong."

Brooke's smile fades. "Oh Mac darling. There's nothing wrong with you. I love you."

Mac lowered her head, looking at her feet instead. "I know. But you know, if something's wrong you can tell me you know." She felt a hand raising her head.

"I know Mac. But nothing's wrong."

Just then dad walked in. "I dunno Brooke. You've seemed all out of sorts as of late. Especially over the last few weeks."

Brooke frowned. "Not you too! Oh come on, I've just been stressed is all."

Daddy frowned. "Brooke, you do know that I'm always here for you. And so is Jane."

"And me too!" Mac piped in helpfully.

Brooke smiled faintly. "I know. And if there was anything wrong or anything you could help with I'd be here in a second. But everything is good. Believe me."

Dad just nodded slowly, the in that way he nodded when he knows you're lying but isn't going to call you on it. Mac knew that nod well; she'd seen it a lot!

"So where's Sammy?" Mac asked.

Brooke sighed and shrugged. "I haven't seen her or Devon in over 2 weeks. Last time I saw her we had a bit of a fight. But she's been busy, and I've been busy. I'm sure she'll be here."

"Fighting again Brooke? I thought you were well past that," commented Dad.

"We are… were. I dunno. It was something stupid, she wanted to help me and I didn't need her help. It's probably already behind us."

"Oh boy. I hope you two are better tonight," commented Jane as she swept into the room. "Mike, I need you in the kitchen."

"Yes Ma'am," he said as he left the room.

The two sisters sat quietly for a moment, before Mac rose and grabbed Brooke's hand. "Come on, let's play."

"Ok."

* * *

The doorbell rang 20 minutes later, and Mac immediately ran to the door, sliding to a stop in front of it. She laboriously started opening the door but thankfully Brooke helped her and it finally opened.

"Sam!" exclaimed Mac, instantly clutching to Sam's leg. Sam didn't look too well but Mac didn't care.

"Hey Mac-attack. How's it going?" Her voice was a little grainy too.

"It's fun! And it's Thanksgiving. That means there's a turkey monster that we get to eat!"

The boy with Sam crouched down next to Mac. "There sure is! Hey Mac. Do you remember me?" Mac shook her head and hid her face in Sam's leg, getting a bad feeling about him. "I'm Devon, Sam's boyfriend. Good to see you again. You're getting bigger all the time."

Mac smiled but didn't say anything, and suddenly they were being ushered in by the parents.

"Sam, why were you late?" asked Mom inquisitively, ever the questioner.

"Sorry Mom, I got tied up. It was totally my fault.

Mom sighed and walked over to Sam, brushing a stray piece of hair from her face. "Are you ok? You don't look very well. Have you been sick?"

Sam glanced at Devon, whose face remained impassive. "Oh thanks Mom. That's just what every girl likes to hear. I'm fine; I've just been stressed with school."

Devon wrapped her arms around Sam. "She's a busy bee."

"A controlled bee," muttered Brooke, quiet enough that Mom and Dad missed it. Sam gave her a shocked look while Devon just smirked and shook his head.

"Brooke. So good to see you." Sam's voice was forced and a little cold.

"Sorry sis. Slipped out," Brooke said sweetly. "Devon, glad to see you came, didn't decide to steal Sam here all for yourself."

Devons grin widened. "Gotta share her with the world you know."

The parents, sensing that tensions were rising, intervened, pulling everyone into the kitchen for chat, though Brooke remained silent. The parents of course scolded Sam for never calling or coming over anymore, which Mac totally agreed with them about. Mac waited and waited while they talked, blah blah blah!

Finally there was a pause and Mac rushed in, grabbing Sam by the arm and dragging her away, not that Sam was protesting but smiling instead.

"Wanna play blocks?" Mac asked.

"Oooh let's make a big tower," said Sam excitedly. "What's your best one?

Mac ran to the closet, opening it excitedly. "I made a nine high tower earlier! But then I fell it."

Sam smiled at Mac over her still progressing vocabulary as she came up beside and groaned as she picked up the box of blocks. "Oh wow, this is heavy."

Mac frowned. "What do you mean it's heavy? It's just my toys."

Sam put down the box, and Mac wondered if Sam was actually being serious about that. Was something wrong with Sammy too? Sam smiled at Mac. "I'm just kidding kiddo." She bent over and winced, but started pulling out blocks. Mac joined a moment later, and soon they had a huge pile of blocks.

Mac immediately plopped down and started building a tower, while Sam lowered herself slower and more carefully.

"Careful Mac! Ooh, I'll race you." Sam started to build her own tower, and Mac started to rush to keep ahead. Six high though and she got so excited that she knocked her tower over with waving hands.

"Oh Potatoe!" Smiling slyly, Mac reached over and knocked over Sam's tower. "Hah! Got you Smammy!"

"Smammy? Why are you calling me Smammy?"

"Cause," was Mac's simple reply, like it was obvious.

Sam grinned and reached for a block but winced as she had to bend forward to do it. Mac didn't say anything, just started building her tower again, this time Sam added to it and helped her.

And boy did they ever build a tower! They managed to get it 15 blocks high.

"Ok Mac, one more and we'll break our record. Let's do this real careful like!" Mac nodded, afraid to speak and instead shakily grabbed a block and passed it to Sam.

Sam smiled and said thank you, but then turned her head to tower, her tongue sticking out of her mouth just a pinch in a sign of concentration. She very slowly lowered it, and the tower wobbled for a moment, causing the two of them to gasp. But then it steadied, and Mac squealed. "NEW RECORD! YAY! SMAAAAAMMMMYYY!" She lept and jumped onto Sam's back, wrapping her arms around her shoulders.

Sam immediately cried out in pain and jerked, her leg clipping the tower and knocking it down. "Oh no! Mac I'm sorry! Look what I did." Sam turned to look at Mac.

"It's ok Sam. Did I hurt you?" asked Mac contritely

Sam looked at her in shock for a moment, before shaking her head. "No, not really. Just surprised me is all."

"Are you sure Sam? Didn't look and sound like that to me?" It was Mom, who had entered into the room and silently sat down, Brooke hovering a little behind. She was now staring Sam down and it was plain to see that Sam was a little unnerved by it.

Sam seemed to regain her nerve a second later though. "Yea Mom, I'm fine. I just started kickboxing and stuff so I'm sore is all," she replied as she rose and started to make for the kitchen, Mac following behind.

Mom remained sitting as Sam passed by. "Really?"

Sam rolled her eyes. "Yes mother. I'm sure. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to make sure Devon hasn't spilled any dark secrets of mine." She said it with a smile though.

She kept walking and Mac followed blindly, but she did hear Brooke say, "I'm positive you don't kickbox," but either it was quiet enough Sam didn't hear or she just let the comment pass.

Mac frowned. Grown-ups are just so weird.

* * *

They chatted at the kitchen for a few minutes while Jane was frantically running around finishing dinner up. Sam kept getting this queasy feeling though every time Brooke spoke. Everything she said seemed to be a little dig at Devon, and it was starting to both annoy and scare her.

Had she figured out something? Obviously not the whole thing or she'd be screaming it, but maybe she knew Devon was doing something. It was starting to make her nervous.

What was even more frightening was that Devon was just taking it in stride, giving this superior smile to both Brooke and Sam whenever Brooke took a dig at him, never even rising to the occasion. She had to work to conceal a shudder.

Finally Jane pronounced it dinner time and everyone rushed to the table. Sam however grabbed Brooke and kept her in the kitchen a moment.

"Brooke, can I talk to you for a second?"

Brooke smiled. "Sure thing sis. What's up?"

"I, erm, I would appreciate it if you'd cut back on the… comments… about Devon. They are not really nice comments."

Brooke looked at her shocked, but Sam had a feeling it was an act. "Comments? What do you mean comments?"

Sam's voice dropped to a growl. "Cut the crap princess. You're making fun and insulting Devon all subtle like, but everyone knows what you're doing. It's not nice to go after my boyfriend like that."

"Well why can't I?"

Sam snorted. "What's your issue? You jealous or something?"

"I'm not jealous! Why would I be jealous about him!" Brooke stopped and took a breath, seemingly berating herself and suddenly she switched gears. "I just… I dunno. I guess I'm just a little contrary tonight. I'm sorry; I'll try to be better."

Sam nodded. "That's all I can ask Brooke. And… look I'm sorry about what I just said. I'm just a little on edge right now."

"It's ok Sam. Wanna talk about it?"

"_Not on my life,_" thought Sam. But she said, "Maybe later. We'll see," instead.

Brooke left for the dining room while Sam stood in the kitchen a moment longer. Thank god. Maybe a disaster could be averted now. Devon had warned her before they came, that there shouldn't be any 'funny business' tonight. And Brooke going after Devon certainly fell under that category. She knew exactly what awaited her if she didn't keep control of Brooke. And she really didn't think she could handle it right now.

She sighed and headed into the dining room. Maybe Brooke would be fine now. But as soon as she entered and saw the glint in Brooke's eyes, she knew that Brooke wasn't done.

* * *

"Brooke, I've had enough," barked Sam, rising angrily from her seat. Devon simply sat next to her, a slight grin on his face, like he knew some hideous inside joke that no one else did.

Well, except for Sam. She had a feeling she knew exactly what that joke was, which was to say, she was the joke! Brooke had of course jumped right at Devon, digging into him all through dinner. Sam had noticed the parents exchanging some glances over it, but they hadn't commented on it. Devon himself just took each insult or sly comment with a smile. But Sam was done with it.

"Had enough of what Sam?" she replied all innocent like.

Sam couldn't help the growl escape from her throat. She started to reply, but then instead shut her mouth and took a deep breath. Control. Instead she replied in a very much so plain voice, like she was talking about the weather. "You have something against Devon. Fine, I can live with that. What I won't live with is you insulting him all the time in front of him, our parents and myself."

She looked at Devon, suddenly wondering if she was doing the right thing. "Let's leave?" She phrased it neutrally, more like a question, as if searching for his support.

Devon's grin faded. "Whatever you want Sam."

Sam suddenly wasn't sure what to do. Did he want to leave? Should she be trying to stay. No, it was best they leave. "Ok. Mom, Mike, Mac, I'm terribly sorry. Maybe next time we can have a civilized dinner."

Jane sighed and frowned. "Ok dear. Bye Devon. It was good to see you again." She gave him a hug, and Mike likewise shook his hand and said goodbye while Mac just waved shyly.

Brooke stayed sitting as the parents, and Sam hoped she was feeling bad about what she'd been doing while Sam and Devon made there way to the door.

Devon gave Sam a quick peck. "I'll go wait in the car sweety. Don't be too long." With that he was gone, leaving Sam fuming with her Mom and Mike.

"Sam, can't we talk about this? I think you're overreacting," said Jane softly.

"You're taking her side! After she acts all bitchy, I'm not supposed to stand up for my boyfriend, my relationship, or myself? When she attacks him, she attacks me Mom, and she's been doing it in spades tonight.

Mike sighed. "Sam, we're not taking her side. You're right, Brooke was out of line, but you could have just asked her to stop."

Brooke and Mac and joined them at the door, and Sam shot Brooke a cold glare. "I did. I asked her to stop. And she said she would. Three seconds later she was back to it."

Mike frowned at his daughter while Jane just shook her head. "I thought you two were past this," said Jane softly. "I guess some things never change. But come on Sam, stay. Don't do this. You're going too far."

Sam just huffed. "That's rich. No thanks Mom. You're right, some things never do change. She's still your golden child, just like High School. Bye Mac, I'm sorry I'm leaving so soon, but I'll make it up to you. Ice cream sometime, ok?"

Sam didn't give her a chance to answer, just turned around and walked out the door, slamming it behind her. Sam heard it open a moment later behind her and her Mom call her, but ignored it and just got into the passenger seat of the car.

"Let's go," Sam said sadly.

Devon was mercifully silent, merely accelerating and heading towards home. They both sat in the quiet peace, Sam staring out the window and watching the houses and trees wiz by.

This was just so frustrating! Thing were beginning to pile up, and Sam wasn't sure how much more she could take. This whole thing with Brooke annoyed Sam even more because she had done so much for Brooke and this was how she repaid her. Sam was overcome by anger for a moment, so much that her fists were clenching and she desperately wanted to hit something, but a moment later the feeling passed and she regained control.

She thought back to her confrontation with Chris.

* * *

"Sam! What are you doing here?" Chris seemed surprised to see her, his door only half opened and staying that way judging by the way Chris was standing.

"What do you think dickweed?"

Chris just smiled broadly at her. "Ah. You're here about that. Look Sam, you're not very menacing, maybe you should just leave." He started to close the door, but found that Sam immediately stepped in, blocking the door from closing.

"We're having this discussion, whether you want it or not. So why don't you just let me in now and save me from screaming this one through a door with you?"

Chris seemed to hesitate for a moment, thinking it over before nodding and opening the door, grin growing. "This is interesting. Come on in."

He turned and headed to the living room, Sam following but confident in her control of the situation.

"So asshole, here's the deal. You leave Brooke the fuck alone, and then there's no problem."

Chris shrugged. "Sam, there's already a problem. The only thing is, you don't see how you're the problem. Get it through your head Sam. Brooke was great. Was being the operative word there. You changed her. Don't give me that look of confusion, maybe you can't see it but you did."

"Whatever I may or may not have done, don't pin this on Brooke."

He smiled wickedly. "I'm not. You never noticed, did you? Of course not, Devon has you wrapped around his finger. I saw it. Didn't figure out what was going on until just recently."

"Look, I don't care what you think you know, or… hell, I don't give a shit about anything to do with you. Except that you should leave Brooke the hell alone. Next time things won't be so pleasant," Sam stepped menacingly close to him, trying to intimidate him.

Chris laughed straight to her face. "I don't really think it's any of your business. And neither will Devon. Brooke will get what the bitch deserves."

Before the sentence was out Sam's hand had lashed out, slapping Chris hard enough he actually staggered. His hand came up to his face, as he rubbed the already reddening mark. He looked up at Sam, who's eyes were full of raw fury. He supposed if he didn't know what he did, he'd be worried.

But he did know.

Chris just grinned wider. "Pretty good one. Learn that one fighting with Devon dearest? Yea, that's right. I know all about it. He'll know what you just did. I don't have to do a thing, as enjoyable as it would be. You're not worth it."

Sam's eyes never came off him, the cold fury emanating off her in waves. But Chris didn't seem to notice. "It doesn't matter. Leave… Brooke… Alone…"

"Ok Sammy, I hear what you're saying. Now get the fuck out." He pointed to the door as he spoke, and Sam turned and left.

* * *

That night was not a good night. It was probably one of the worst in Sam's memory. At least, of the times she fully remembered. Standing had been an issue the next day, though sitting wasn't much more comfortable. He had even hit her once with a bat in the knee, not bad enough that there was permanent damage, but he said that it 'served as a warning'. Well it warned her alright. She had to be good for Devon. But she didn't regret protecting Brooke. She hadn't even protested once during the beating, had just taken it. She had known it was coming when she'd gone to confront Chris. Well… Devon was trying to fix her many problems, but that one she knew she was right with. Even Devon made mistakes. She forgave and loved him still.

Sam glanced up as they pulled in and Sam obediently followed Devon to their home.

"Well. That wasn't pleasant now was it Sammy," Devon started the second the door closed as he wrapped his arms around her in a hug. "Brooke was not very nice, wouldn't you agree."

Sam hugged him tightly, snuggling her face into his shoulder, breathing in his scent. "No, she wasn't. Didn't matter what I did, she just was a bitch tonight."

"Well Sam, you can't win them all I guess. But I really thought you could keep a better hold of your sister. With the way she's acting and all."

Sam pulled back so she could look at him. "I tried. But I can't control Brooke, she's her own person."

Devon sighed. "Well of course you can't control Brooke. But why the hell can't you at least keep her civil to me, huh?" His voice was getting a bit louder, more threatening.

"I tried ok, please! I left didn't I. I wanted the night to go well and I couldn't take her being like that to you."

"We shouldn't have had to leave," he said coldly. "Sam, you know I love you. And I think you love me. But with the way you act, so stupidly, so naively, so… callously. I'm not sure I can put up with this. I don't think anyone can."

"It's not like that…" Sam said weakly, already on the verge of tears.

"No of course not. Poor little Sammy, always trying so hard. No wonder I'm the only one who will have you," he spat out venomously. "And I don't think I can handle it much more. Even your dad would be having trouble with you."

"I know! Please, you have to help me. Don't leave. Please, anything, whatever you want," Sam begged, as she clutched at him. She was in full on tears. She couldn't stand the thought of being alone. He was right, no one would touch her. There was something fundamentally wrong with her, and she didn't understand why. But Devon did.

Devon lifted her hands away from him. "Don't touch me. You disgust me."

Sam collapsed to her knees. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Don't leave me; I don't want to be alone. I need you." Her head dropped as she spoke, and it seemed more like she wasn't speaking to Devon so much as just speaking.

And Devon smiled. He didn't say anything, instead crouched down next to her as his smile was replaced with a look of anguish for Sam. "Sam, why do you keep doing this to me? You dragged Brooke and Amanada and Shawn and Gary down. Now you're going to take me down to."

"No I won't. You're strong enough. You can save me." Devon's hand lashed out, catching her in the belly and Sam cried out and huddled into a ball.

"Don't presume to tell me you won't take me down. You will. But maybe I will bring you up too. Get up." She didn't move initially. "I said get up."

Sam obediently rose.

"Now we're going to have a lesson, get it," Devon said darkly. "And the lesson is 2 things tonight. One, is that you have to keep Brooke from being a bitch to us. And two, is that you don't tell me what will happen."

Sam nodded. And then she closed her eyes and waited for the lesson to be imparted.

* * *

Sam stared at the ceiling. She'd been staring at it for close to 2 hours now. She could tell Devon was asleep next to her by the deep and steady breathing noises. She smiled at the little snores he would occasionally make. They weren't like deep throaty snores; more like soothing noises. Before she could let her mind wander, she focused back on the ceiling.

She'd been getting better at that, keeping her attention on something. She practiced on trivial stuff like the ceiling, since she figured if she could focus on that, she could focus on the interesting things she needed to. She'd gotten more practice earlier tonight. After the lesson… she felt herself shudder involuntarily… Devon had helped her to the bed. The lesson hadn't been too bad. But she could feel that something was wrong with her wrist. She smiled to herself as she thought back. A year ago she'd be at the hospital complaining over the tiny bit of pain in her wrist and on breathing. Not anymore. Yet another improvement Devon had made on her. The next part had been more practice for focus. She had simply stared at the ceiling as Devon did his thing. It had been over quickly, and Sam found that she… enjoyed it more; perhaps it was the knowledge that even as it – for Sam didn't know what to call it - happened she was improving for Devon in another way.

She felt bile rise in her throat, but closed her eyes and focused on causing it to lower. Only a bit reached her mouth which she swallowed, leaving a foul taste in her mouth. Still, she knew she needed to throw up, there was something that needed out, she could feel it. Maybe Devon had gotten some of the problem part of her ready to leave, and the puking was needed to finish it. She quietly rose from the bed and padded to the bathroom carefully and slowly. Closing the door, she raised the seat lid and waited. Nothing happened for a few seconds, and then it was like a torrent she couldn't stop. It was over in seconds though, and Sam grabbed a towel and wiped her mouth and cleared her watery eyes, as the act of puking had caused some pain in her chest and her eyes had involuntarily teared.

She brought the towel away and saw there was blood. Nothing to panic over, probably just her lip. Then she looked into the bowl and saw that her puke was saturated red.

"Shit," she whispered softly. But it didn't sound like the strong voice she wanted it to. It was weak, like a small childs. "Guess I know what I'm doing tomorrow morning," she continued, smiling to herself. Weird how she found that funny.

* * *

"Fell down the stairs, you say? Into what? A stampede of bulls?" The doctor asked, sounding annoyed. "Look Lilly, it's pretty obvious what's going on."

Sam – having given her name as Lilly - growled at the doctor, whose name she could see was Jake Farginson. "I don't know what you're talking about," Sam replied coldly to Jake.

He sighed, lifting her shirt slightly to look at the bruises again. "Ok Lilly, here's the thing. Stairs leave thin lined bruises. You have circular and oval bruises. And you know what that tells me?"

"That I don't give a shit?" Sam barked back.

The doctor sighed. "Let me call the police. I know your name isn't Lilly. And I figure that seeing as you're here with no insurance or records, even if I do they might have a hard time doing anything, but let me do it anyways."

Sam laughed in his face. "Doctor-patient confidentiality. Leave me alone Dr Farginson."

"Call me Jake. And there are exceptions if a doctor thinks there is a danger to your life. And Lilly, with a cracked rib, internal bleeding, your wrist being severely sprained, and all those bruises, you are going to die if this keeps up," the doctor said as kindly as he could. "I just want to help you."

"Well you can't. You won't. Besides, like I said, I fell so it won't happen again."

Jake sighed, running his hand through his hair. He was pretty young, low 30's or late 20's. Probably just graduated from medical school Sam guessed. He sat down next to her on the examining table. "I see this all the time you know. Once a day at least. Some are desperate for help and bursting to tell me. Others tell me what happened but beg me to do nothing. Everything across the spectrum, I think I've seen it, and I've only been doing this for a year, splitting my time between here and the ER. I've had others, like yourself, who are desperate for no one to know. It's you who scare me the most. Lilly… its people like you who I never see again. And that crushes me inside because I know I could stop it. But I'm not allowed, and the few times I've tried, I've gotten in enough trouble that I nearly lost my medical license."

Sam remained silent. He had written out prescriptions for pain meds and antibiotics she knew she desperately needed, but hadn't given them to her. She knew he was going to make his pitch and then she'd get them. She just had to let the man spew his bullshit about caring about her and then she'd be gone.

"Here's the thing. Everyone says that it's not the victims fault. That they've done nothing wrong and that they shouldn't feel shame, that they shouldn't feel like they've done wrong. And hey, they're right. You've done nothing wrong Lilly. You could just do more right. By telling me." Sam scowled at him. "But that's not the point of this. My point is that society says that you are a victim and need help. And then we say to keep it quiet. Those who try to help get punished. The fact is, society doesn't want to accept that it happens. They condone it if it becomes public, but of course, it doesn't happen that much, so what's the big deal. But that's not the truth. It happens everywhere. And you're a part of that."

"Break the cycle Lilly. Help me help you. Help me… help myself even. Cause I can't stand this much longer."

Sam didn't answer for a long moment. "What happened?"

"What?" he replied.

"To the ones you tried to help."

Jake lowered his head. "The first one… she… she got out. For awhile at least. The second one, she…" He took a deep breathe. "Look, it doesn't matter what happened to them. What matters is what happens to you."

"She's dead, isn't she?" asked Sam meekly. "Don't lie to me. You tried and she died cause of it didn't she? Bet you felt real smart after that jackass." Jake didn't respond. "You know, considering how backed up this clinic is, and how busy you are, I don't know why you're wasting your time here."

The doctor rose. "Lilly, don't do this." He pulled out his phone, glanced at her chart and punched in a number. "Hello, my name is Doctor Farginson, I'm calling looking for Lilly Ferrehon. Wrong number? You don't say, sorry to bother you."

He lowered the phone and looked at Sam pointedly. "Well, this is interesting. Let me see your phone." Sam shook her head, so he just waved the form in her face. "That's a criminal offence you know, lying on these forms. I could have the police haul you in. And I'd have to tell them the events that transpired here, including your injuries."

"I'm not an idiot, I know you're bluffing."

"Let me see your phone, and I won't have to call the police," he continued more forcefully.

Sam stared at him, contemplating, before acquiescing, handing it over. He fiddled with the two phones before passing it back to her. "My number is in there. And I have your number. If you ever need to talk, you can call me and I will listen."

"You never could call the cops, could you?" she snarled after her phone was in her hand.

He stared at her. "Of course not. But Sam - that is your name, right - I saw it in your phone." She nodded after she recovered from the jerk at her name. "Sam, the fact that you let me do that. When you knew you didn't have to. It tells me that you're reaching out for help. That you want out. So let m…"

"Fuck off ok! I'm just getting help and I'm being fixed. I need it. I can't be alone again," she yelled at him. "So leave me the hell alone!"

Jake remained quiet, seemingly defeated. Instead he reached into his pocket and handed her two small piece of paper. Sam glanced at the top one, seeing that it was his business card. Beneath, her prescription. He walked to the door. "Sam… I'm, really sorry that you feel like that. Please, think about what I've said. Take a few minutes before you leave if you need."

He closed the door behind him, leaving Sam to herself. Before she could stop it, giant heaving sobs took over, causing sharp pain for her ribs. The doc had taped her up somewhat, but it still hurt like a bitch. 20 seconds later and it was over, Sam had regained control. That was another thing Devon had helped her with. Her control had always been strong, she knew that and Devon had acknowledged that. But he'd made it even better. She grabbed a tissue and wiped her tears and smudged makeup away, grabbing some cover-up from her bag and fixing her face. She walked out the room, and she could feel Jake's eyes burning into her as she left, but she never spared him a glance.

* * *

"Honey, you're home! Where did you go?" asked Devon cheerfully as she walked in. Sam shut the door and turned to him, wondering what he was going for here. "I had to go to the clinic Devon. For birth control pills. They noticed a few things but it's ok, I just fell after all," she said.

"Yes, and a terrible fall it was. No problems though?" he asked, smiling still, and Sam realized that maybe there was no act here.

She smiled at him and sauntered over. "Of course not. The doc was worried about my ribs, said if I fell like that again I'd break em and then there could be serious problems, involving a hospital stay. Same with my stomach, he was a little worried about internal bleeding. But in a week I'll be back to good."

"Well that's too bad. Guess we'll put our lessons on hold for a bit. But still, glad everything's alright." He pecked her on the lips. "So babe, what you want to do today?"

"Whatever you want," she replied automatically.

Devon smirked. "Well what I want is for you to pick. And I'm serious. You choose. You know how much I love you, I just want to help and make you happy."

Sam felt herself warm. He really did love her, maybe she wasn't completely unworthy. She slithered up to him. "How about we cuddle up and watch a movie. Go from there?"

"Sounds excellent babe. I'll make the popcorn. You pick a movie." Devon went to the kitchen, leaving Sam to march to their sizeable collection. She wanted to do this right. Devon was being good to her, so she'd pick something he liked. Ah, perfect. Die Hard. He'd love it.

Devon returned, with a bowl of popcorn in hand. "So babe, the verdict?" he asked as he lowered it to the table

"Die Hard!" Sam proclaimed happily. Devon just stood, staring at her, a scowl on his face. "Wha… what?"

"Sam, I said this was your choice. I know you don't like these sorts of movies. Pick something that you'll like," he said coldly.

"But… but I'll like something that makes you happy," Sam replied, wanting to get back to make him happy, to return to the happy mood of before.

He sighed. "Sam, look, pick again. It was sweet of you to try, but seriously."

She turned and picked out 27 dresses, holding it up for Devon. Instantly Devon became happy again. "Perfect! Pop it in and let's cuddle up." Sam obligingly put it in the DVD machine and sat next to Devon, cuddling into him as the movie started.

He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. "Love you Sam."

"I love you too," replied Sam softly. "I do."


	8. Part 7

WARNING: DARK/DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!

* * *

December 16th

Brooke loved Christmas. Or rather, she loved the time leading up to Christmas. She loved the decorations, the colors and the general spirit. And she loved the way that Sam got so into it. She was just so darn cute when she did it. Her exuberance would spill over into everything she did, and Brooke knew from their time together that she would hum Christmas tunes the whole time. But... not this year. And that meant Christmas just wasn't the same for Brooke.

She had barely seen Sam since the thanksgiving debacle, but Sam had just tried to avoid the whole situation when they had seen each other, which Brooke wasn't sure how she felt about. She knew she had been out of line that night, but she couldn't bring herself to actually apologize to Sam and Devon. And she didn't know why.

Brooke tried to shake the thought of Sam from her mind. Tonight was party time, and, surprise surprise, it was not like Sam was there. The last exams of the university had been today, Brooke herself having had one that morning, and she knew Sam had finished that afternoon since the class she shared with Gary's exam was today. But Sam and Devon were no shows at the party she was at.

She looked down at the cup filled with foul beer in her hand, and then looked around. She knew Sarah and Shawn were out back. Maya had been draping over a guy all night, and was assumed MIA. She spotted Gary, out of his cast at last, hitting up a girl trying to get her number. Amanda was, as near as Brooke could tell, playing wing-woman to him by chatting up the accompanying girl to Gary's target. Who knew, maybe she was the 'flight leader', and Gary the wingman.

Brooke snorted to herself at that thought. Yea right, not in this lifetime. She saw a guy look at her weirdly from the snort and look away, but then looked again in that 'double take' type look. Brooke knew what that meant. She saw him say something to his friend before he walked over.

"_Great, here we go again._" As he approached he gave her a big smile, which she automatically returned, though not as large.

"What's a pretty thing like you doing by yourself on a night of freedom?" he asked, coming across as a bit cocky but not overly.

Brooke just smiled, a bit forced but still friendly. "Just thinking," she replied, not wanting to shoot him down right away, but not wanting to be to open. After all, maybe he was just being nice.

"My names Brian. Want some company? Or would you rather be alone on this joyous night of freedom?" he said, still smiling. Brooke took a look at him. He had left her the opportunity to turn him down politely, rather than forcing her to tell him to fuck off.

Brooke sighed. "Brian, I'm sorry. I don't think I'm the sort of... company... you're looking for tonight. I think being alone might be best. My friends have all bailed; I think I might join them."

Brian shrugged. "Ok. If that's what you want. Have a pleasant evening." He turned and walked back to his friends, leaving Brooke alone.

It's not like it was a complete lie. But there was definitely some falsehood to her explanation. Truth be told, she thought she should be more attracted to him. By all accounts, he was an attractive guy. Well built, good facial features, and a friendly demeanour. And she was sure he'd make a good friend.

Must be more to that being gay thing then she thought. Hadn't thought about him sexually for a second really.

Brooke sighed and drained the rest of her beer. She hated the taste, but it had been free so who was she to complain. She glanced at her watch. 11pm. Still pretty early to head home, but then, what would she get by sticking around here? She saw Amanda and Gary were still chatting up the pair, and Brooke smiled. Amanda was looking impatient now, and clearly Gary was having trouble sealing the deal. Brooke walked over to them, to let the two know she was leaving – and maybe discreetly rib Gary about it.

"Yea, so it's a good thing my girlfriend knows that I'm totally not into guys at all, or she'd be worried about you Gary. You seem like you're quite the catch." Brooke's jaw nearly dropped as she overheard the girl Gary was talking to speak.

"Yea well, if I was trying to pick you up you'd probably slap me and walk away. I'm pretty terrible at it," he replied. "And that's not a joke."

The girl grinned at him and watched as Amanda and the other girl left. "Well apparently you're a good wingman. Good god I can't believe Chelsey lead your friend along for so long."

Gary laughed. "Caught onto us, did you? Well duh, guess it was obvious when you kept mentioning your gay like 20 seconds into the conversation."

Brooke finally cleared her throat, and the two looked at her expectantly. "Uhhh hi," she said quietly.

"Brooke, sit down. This is Anna. We were just discussing... well how long were you standing there?"

Brooke gave him a feral grin. "Long enough to know you're not as incompetent as we all thought. And to know that Amanda actually woman-ed up and stopped making fun of you for failing to pick anyone up. She actually proved she could. Who knew you were a decent wingman?"

Anna laughed. "Oh this boy here has true wingman abilities."

"Well good to know you're good for something. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know I'm heading home. I'm not really feeling all that party heavy."

Amanda suddenly popped up beside her. "Fair enough Brooke."

Both Gary and Anna looked at each other, and then threw their hands up in dismay. "What the hell woman!" was the first word out of Gary's mouth. "What's wrong with you? I spent like 45 minutes talking to Anna here – not that I didn't enjoy it – and what do you get?"

Amanda sighed. "Nothing. We ran into her ex. Apparently, he's not as ex as she thought, nor is she as gay."

Anna sighed. "Ah crap. Not that douchebag."

"Yea. One look and she was back with him. Anyways, if you want to go, I'll come with you Brooke."

Brooke shook her head. "No that's ok. Stay with Gary, give him someone else he knows here. Maybe between the three of you Gary can actually be set up." Gary scowled as Amanda and Anna laughed. "Plus, I just want to be alone. I'll see you later."

Amanda gave her a quick hug. "Alright love, have it your way."

"Cya Brooke." Brooke waved bye to Anna and made her way to the backdoor. The house she was at was only a 10 minute walk from home, she just had to go through a park and then cut across a street was all. She spotted Shawn and Sarah cuddled together staring up at the stars from the grass a short distance away and smiled at how cute they looked but didn't disturb them. Instead she just popped open the gate which lead directly to the park and started to walk. There was a bunch of trees for about 20 meters but she cleared them and a mere 20 meters further she found the path. She frowned when she saw there were no lights and it was pretty dark, suddenly aware that maybe this wasn't the best idea. She started to slow when she heard steps behind her. She started to whirl about but before she could react she was suddenly propelled to the ground, having the wind knocked out of her. She flipped herself onto her back and started to rise. "What the..."

Before she knew it her assailant was on her, and her mouth was covered by his hand as he sat on top of her.

"Shut up bitch," he growled darkly. With his free hand he reached down and ripped at her button up shirt, buttons popping wildly as it opened up. "I saw you turn that guy down there. Wasn't very nice of you was it bitch? Prude ass homo ain't you?" Brooke couldn't see who it was in the dark, and though his voice was clearly being disguised as it was growled at a low pitch, Brooke could tell she knew him from somewhere.

She tried to scream but found that not much got past his much bigger hand, and Brooke started to panic and thrash about. "Quit that out, you'll just make it worse," he growled again, but her thrashing caused him to lose his balance and Brooke finally got the leverage she need. She thrust her knee up as hard as she could, slamming him right in the nuts. Her assailants hand immediately left her mouth as he fell to the side cursing and clutching his balls.

"HELP!! RAPE!" Brooke immediately screamed as she rose and started to run. A hand snagged her foot and she tripped to the ground. "FOR GOD SAKE'S HELP ME!" She cried out again as she tried to rise but her assailant was on her again.

"YOU BITCH!" He yelled out and Brooke recognized Chris's voice.

"LET GO OF ME CHRIS!! HELP!! RAPE!"

"Brooke?" A voice reached towards her, Brooke instantly thanking god as she recognized Shawn's voice. "I'm coming!" Brooke felt raw relief course through her as she realized she'd be ok. Then she felt a blow on the side of her head and collapsed to the ground, dazed.

Shawn saw Brooke's assailant a moment after he called out as he cleared the trees and took off at a straight out sprint, so grateful that he'd been out back with Sarah. He had heard Brooke's voice at her first cry, and immediately had sent Sarah to get help as he went looking.

He saw the man hit her hard in the side of the head and she collapsed to the ground, and Shawn's rage just took control. He'd heard Brooke's yell, and he couldn't believe what Chris was doing. "Hey you fucking piece of shit, come get some! I'm gonna kick your ass Chris." Chris looked up, seemingly having ignored him as Shawn tackled him hard, rolling them away from Brooke. Shawn saw from the corner of his eye that Brooke was rising and starting towards the house, and he saw Sarah running out towards her. He was relieved to see her safe and turned back to Chris just in time to catch a fist to the side of the head, and he stumbled heavily, cursing himself at his inattentiveness as he blocked Chris's follow up punch and instead kicked out.

Chris surprised Shawn however when he grabbed his leg, locking onto it tightly. He saw an elbow coming for his face and then knew blackness.

* * *

Brooke shuddered as Sarah wrapped her coat around her tightly. "Are you ok?" Sarah asked, and then turned her attention to the fight behind her.

Brooke couldn't help but look as well, hopeful that Shawn wasn't in over his head. Chris had a considerable size advantage over him, but then, she had seen the look on Shawn's face right after he'd tackled Chris, one of pure rage. So maybe he could hold his own.

She saw Chris block Shawns kick and then slam his elbow right into Shawn's forehead, and he just dropped like a sack of potatoes, Brooke surmised knocked out cold on the spot.

"Shawn!" Sarah cried out, but didn't let go of Brooke. "Where the hell are they?" she said quietly, and Brooke was relieved that apparently more help was coming.

Chris stalked over to them, and Brooke pushed in front of Sarah. "Chris, get the fuck out of here," she said coldly, surprising herself with the strength in her voice.

She couldn't make out Chris's expression in the dark, but his voice answered, dark. "Listen you slutty piece of trash, why don't you shut the fuck up. All you had to do was let me and then no one would get hurt. Now there's a price to be paid."

"I'm not afraid of you Chris," she taunted back, though she had to admit to herself she was. She heard the gate burst open and wanted to keep him here for a bit longer. She wanted him caught right here and now. "You're a coward you know that?"

He took a step towards her, but Brooke held her ground. "Watch your mouth, I'll..."

Gary came bursting out of the tree's behind Brooke and tackled Chris right in the stomach, actually lifting him up and carrying him a few feet before falling to the ground up on him, and Brooke took a deep satisfaction in watching that. She felt the coat being put back on her as Amanda stepped up next to her as well. "Brooke, are you hurt? Tell me you're ok?" she asked concerned.

"I'm fine," she replied absently.

"Look at me Brooke."

But Brooke couldn't tear her eyes off the fight in front of her, watching as Gary and Chris grappled, neither seeming able to get the advantage. She wanted to watch... she needed to.

They rolled about, each getting a few choice blows in. "The cops will be here soon Brooke. Where the hell are the other guys!" cried out Amanda. Gary finally came out on top and started just pounding on Chris, wailing at his head with fists for all he was worth as Chris struggled to block him. Sirens began to sound in the background.

Chris threw his legs up and Gary was rolled off over his head. In a flash Chris was up and gave a solid kick to Gary's stomach. Before Gary could react Chris took off at a flat out sprint. Gary started to rise, breathing heavily, but Sarah rushed over. "Let him go. He won't get far. Help me with Shawn." It looked like Gary was going to ignore her and take off after him, so overcome with adrenaline, but he seemed to deflate after a second.

"Right." Other people started to filter through the trees, one with a flashlight even. Brooke started to feel uncomfortable, and knew enough from the way her vision was tunnelling and the way her mind was spinning that she was in shock. She was also aware that even though she had a coat around her that her shirt was still obviously ripped open, and Amanda seemed to sense it, leading her away while Gary and Sarah looked at Shawn.

"Brooke honey, talk to me," her voice laced with concern. "You're ok, right? It didn't get too far?"

Brooke didn't think she was overly affected by that incident. She just didn't want anyone to go through this, especially Sam. For some reason, this happening to Sam kept sticking in her head. And it wouldn't get out of her head. He had said that now there was a price to be paid, that someone would be hurt. Could that someone be Sam?

"Brooke?" Amanda persisted. Brooke reached up and felt her left ear. There was a bit of tenderness but nothing more. Amanda watched. "He hit you?"

"Yes," she whispered mutely. "He was going to do so much more."

"But he didn't dear. And you're ok, right?"

"I'm ok," she responded resolutely. And then suddenly she was sobbing into Amanda's chest, holding on for dear life.

* * *

Amanda was at a loss for what to do. The police had showed up and of course had started taking statements from people. Brooke had been checked out by the EMT's for safety's sake, and she was now there with an EMT and 2 police officers as they questioned her.

Shawn was fine, not even concussed. It had just been an unlucky hit to his head. There was no doubt that it was Chris, and the police were out looking for him. Unfortunately, they'd been told that even if he was caught, at best they'd be looking at an assault plea since attempted rape would never stick. And that was at best. A year in prison tops, more likely community service. Brooke however hadn't seemed particularly phased, which confused Amanda. If it had been her, she would have been livid with rage.

Finally a good hour later they were driven home by a kind police officer. The ride in the car was a tense silence, and was thankfully a mere 2 minutes. They entered the house and Brooke immediately took off upstairs. Amanda hesitated. She needed to call Sam.

"Sarah, Shawn, Gary. Why don't the three of you go keep her company. I'm going to call Sam," she said softly.

Sarah shrugged. "I uhh... I actually have to get home. I have work early tomorrow. I don't really know Brooke either and I don't know if I could help." She looked really uncomfortable, not that Amanda could blame her.

Shawn pouted. "Fair enough babe. Call tomorrow?"

Amanda left before she heard the answer, focused on what she was going to say to Sam. Especially given the recent fall out between Sam and... well basically everything. She glanced at her watch. 12:30. Sam wouldn't be happy, but she had to know.

The phone rang a few times before a surprisingly non-groggy Sam answered gruffly. "Hello?"

"Sam... it's Amanda. There's been an... incident."

Sam huffed. "What now?"

"Chris," she paused. "Chris tried to rape Brooke." Before Sam could say anything, Amanda continued. "Don't worry, nothing happened. She called for help and it came, but she's in a bad state. I think she needs you right now." Amanda thought she should feel jealousy about that. After all, she was Brooke's new best friend since Sam's recent bout of jerkinitis. But then again, knowing (or at least thinking) what she did about the step-sisters, she supposed she shouldn't be surprised.

Sam didn't answer for long moments, though Amanda could hear how Sam's breathing had picked up. "Sam, you there?"

"I'll fucking kill him. I told him to stay the fuck away from her."

Amanda could hear the fury in Sam from here, and was shocked. More emotion then Sam had showed in a long time. But she needed Sam here not on a quest for vengeance. "Sam, be rational. The police are after him. Brooke needs you now. You can get him later. Bring Devon over if you want. But Brooke really needs you." The idea of Devon coming soured in her stomach.

She heard a few shaky breaths being sucked in, but she knew she had Sam. "You're right. Devon went out about an hour ago though, some emergency. I'll be there in 10."

"Thanks Sam," Amanda replied as she hung up and went upstairs to Brooke's room. Gary was sitting on the bed with Brooke curled up in the fetal position, her head resting in his lap. Shawn was standing there, all three were in silence. Blatantly awkward.

"Ok Brooke, Sam's on her way. Boys, why don't you go downstairs. Brooke, let's get you cleaned up." She tugged Brooke up gently, as Shawn and Gary left. Brooke meekly followed her to the bathroom.

"Let's fix your face first. Clear up that mascara smudge m'kay sweet cheeks?" Brooke smiled at her weakly.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a drag," she started.

Amanda guffawed. "A drag? Never. No one would mistake you for a guy in women's clothing dear." The joke fell flat, not that Amanda was surprised. She paused. "You know I'm always here for you, just as you'd be there for me." She grabbed the makeup kit and began to fix Brooke's face.

"I know." She paused. "I'm feeling much better. After my little meltdown of waterworks back there. I'm more worried that I think I should be feeling more... something... than I am. Because... I'm not really that worked up over it."

"Good. That's good Brooke. Maybe it means you won't live in fear from now on like some do. People aren't all bad. Chris just... is a psycho."

"He threatened me after. Said that now there would be a price to pay. I don't want him to hurt you. Or anyone else," she said mournfully.

Amanda growled. "Like to see him try. I'm pretty sure any of us will kill him on sight. Especially Sam."

"My Sammy was worked up?" Brooke said, somewhat happily.

"Of course she was Brooke! How could she not be? We all were." Amanda was amused by Brooke's word choice. 'Her Sammy'. She was totally right about Brooke's feelings. There was a moment of silence as Amanda finished with cleaning Brooke up. The door was gently knocked just as Amanda finished. "Come in."

The door opened to reveal Sam, clad in jeans and a long sleeved turtleneck. "Brooke oh my god," she said in a rush as she rushed over. "Thank god you're ok," she said, the relief palpable.

"I'm just gonna go downstairs, check on the boy's war wounds," Amanda piped in. "Call if you need anything."

And then she was gone, and the two stepsisters sat staring at each other awkwardly. Sam kept looking Brooke up and down, and Brooke was finding herself annoyed by the staring. Her temperature was rising under it. "I'm fine. Believe me. He never got further then ripping my shirt."

"And hitting you in the ear," Sam said scornfully as she examined the bruise on Brooke's side. "God I should have killed him before. Done more than just talk."

Brooke sighed. "Yea well, the cops will get him." She took a good hard look at Sam. There were heavy bags under her eyes, and she seemed to be wearing a lot of concealer. Weird, at this time of night. "Were you awake?"

"Yea. Devon got a call like an hour ago for some emergency, so I was woken up by that. I never fell asleep again."

Brooke smiled. "I'm glad you're here. I'm sorry. For everything."

"Me too Brooke. I'm so sorry. What's going on between us?" Brooke jolted at the question, but she didn't know why. It was an innocent enough question, but Brooke thought that there was some other meaning there to her. She just didn't know what. Sam noticed her jerk. "Uhh, what was that?"

Brooke shrunk her shoulder uncomfortably. "I... don't know. That's the answer to both of your questions. I'm kind of confused myself."

Sam seemed to accept her answer. "Well. What are we going to do now?" She stretched her arm upwards, her shirt rising, and pulled on her sleeve to expose her watch. "It's 1am, should we just... Brooke?" Sam slowed as she noticed Brooke staring at her stomach, mouth open and eye's wide.

"No..." Brooke said, slowly and horrified. How could she not have seen it? It all quickly fell into place. Isolation, always wearing long sleeves and turtlenecks. The acquiescence to Devon.

Sam looked at her wrist. A large red bruise was easily visible on her wrist near her watch. And then she realized that her shirt was a little small, so when she stretched out, her shirt rode up. "It's not what you think," Sam started quickly. Damage control.

Brooke just stared up at her, a little anger in her eyes. "Don't stand there and lie to my face Sam," she started roughly, immediately seeing Sam shrink a little. "HOW? WHY?" she screamed into Sam's face.

Sam's face remained impassive. "Brooke... it's not that bad. Really."

"The second he touched you, it was that bad. How can you stand there and want to kill Chris for what he's done when Devon," she spat the name with all the acid imaginable. "When Devon is doing this to you." She reached out and lifted Sam's shirt at her belly, seeing the patchwork of red, purple and yellow bruises. "My god," she whispered horrified before whimpering, "Why Sammy?"

Sam didn't answer, just stared at her. "I knew you wouldn't understand Brooke," she replied calmly. "Just forget it."

Brooke was shocked. Sam had been lying to her for who knew how long, and now that it was out was just trying to avoid it, trying to shove it away. No, that wasn't going to work. Brooke exploded upwards. "SAM! You listen to me. Tomorrow morning we are going to call the police. You are going to tell them everything, and then I am going to kill Devon. Ok?"  
Sam immediately pushed right up in her face. "YOU DON'T FUCKING ORDER ME AROUND! I'm my own person, you bitch. I do what I want!"

"Unless Devon tells you otherwise right? What the hell is wrong with you McPherson, you are not my sister," she taunted back.

Sam snorted. "You're fucking right we're not sisters. We never were and never will be. We were stepsisters and friends at best. But this is my life Brooke. You can't say anything; it's my decision to make." Brooke thought she should be more hurt over the announcement of not being Sam's sister, but the admittance of friendship assuaged that – until she realized Sam had specifically said 'were'. What did that mean?

"You're not making a decision here, you're being coerced! What did he threaten you with?" Brooke took in a deep breath, realizing anger possibly wasn't the best strategy here, so she switched tactics to begging. "You gotta help me out here Sammy, cause I don't know what you're thinking.

Sam sighed and slid against the wall to the floor, her voice small and defeated. "He didn't threaten me Brooke." She paused but Brooke felt there was more coming. "He just... I just... look, it just works for both of us. I know it's sick and twisted, but I need it... him."

"This is because I haven't been a good friend isn't it? Because I've pushed and pushed and not just been there for you like I should have been? I isolated you and made you feel alone..."

Sam rose from her seated position. "Brooke..."

"And now you've let Devon do this to you, and oh god what..."

"Brooke!" she cried out as she stepped up to Brooke.

"Have I done, this is all my fault. I'm so so..."  
"BROOKE!" Brooke finally shut up as Sam was staring at her resolutely, her hands on her shoulders. "Brooke, listen to me, and hear these words. Listen good." Brooke nodded, her lip trembling. "This is not your fault. You have been nothing but supportive. You've done whatever you can to try and help. You cannot take any blame for this, damn it. Do you understand?"

"But," Brooke started.

"No. Not... your... fault!"

Brooke looked away from Sam's stare. She knew Sam was right. The blame rested on Devon's shoulders mainly. Mainly had to be added there, because she knew that no matter how much she wished otherwise, Sam was at fault here somewhat to. Brooke didn't know what Sam could have done, but she couldn't imagine that there was nothing that could have been done. Telling Brooke would have been something. "I understand Sammy. But I have to tell someone."

Sam stepped back, and ran her hand through her messy hair. "No you don't. I will handle this."

"Like you've been handling it for... how long has it been?"

Sam looks away. "Almost a year," she whispers. Brooke doesn't know what to say to that, her jaw just working automatically but no words coming out. "But now that you know, it will change. You'll see. You have to let me handle this Brooke."

"Not a fucking chance McPherson. Police, parents, everyone. We're all going to help you."

Sam shook her head. "No, you can't do that. Brooke, this is my life. If you do that, you're just as bad as what you think you're trying to protect me from. You take the power away." Brooke just looked at her shocked. "Do you remember junior year? When we went to Principle Krupps about Freddy Gong. He said we took the power from him, though we were just trying to help him."

"This isn't the same Sam! He's abusing you!"

"And Nicole abused Freddy emotionally. Abuse is abuse. Face it Brooke. We both agreed we were in the wrong then. Well don't repeat the same mistake McQueen," Sam spoke coldly, the last words sounding threatening.  
Brooke looked at Sam shocked. "Or what Sam? I don't care about the consequences, I have to protect you." There was a hint of desperation to Brooke's voice. Sam's heart was moved by it, but she took a step back, turned away, and just took a deep breath. She needed to think.

Ok, so Brooke knew. How could she make her understand that maybe this was what she wanted? She loved Devon, didn't she? Shouldn't she? Wait, that was wrong. The unequivocal answer should be yes. After all he's helped her with... she... well what. She was getting all confused. Devon loved her and just wanted to help. But so did Brooke. They were telling her opposite things.

She knew she was messed up. Both physically and emotionally. And that Devon was responsible. But then, you had to break a few omelettes to make an egg, right? Sam frowned. No that was wrong, it was the other way around. Then why did she feel like that statement was more right in this situation.

"Sam?" asked Brooke, questioning behind her.

"Give me a minute." Sam's voice was soft. Brooke was just so concerned with her. But then, so was Devon. Devon was the one who had been with her through everything. Brooke had been coming after her for the past while, always being aggressive. Maybe this was a test for her, to see her love and compliance for Devon. "Brooke. I know you're trying to help. But you need to let me handle this. Please. Just for now, promise you won't say anything. Take this one day at a time."

Brooke sighed. Sam was dead-set against anyone knowing. Brooke couldn't understand how this had happened to her sweet Sammy. How Devon had turned her into this, and how she had missed it. Guilt dug at her very soul, but rage at Devon wasn't far behind. And fear. And... love.

Sam turned to look at Brooke, her eyes wide and begging, and Brooke couldn't take it. "Sammy..." She took a deep breath. "One day at a time," she repeated quietly. She couldn't say no to Sam. "For now."

Sam's shoulders drop, and she seems overcome with relief. "Thank you Brooke." All the energy seemed to leave Sam, and Brooke noticed yet again how horribly defeated Sam looked. "Can I... Can I sleep here? I'm tired. I know I came here for your... incident. But I'm drained."

"Of course you can stay the night. And don't worry about my incident. You are much more important than that." Sam smiled at her, but Brooke could see it's that smile where Sam was just agreeing with her to prevent an argument, and that she didn't believe it. Devon sure had done a number on her. "Come on, you can sleep in my bed, no floor for you."

Sam didn't object, and just followed Brooke to her room.

* * *

The first thing that came to Brooke's mind was 'soft'. The second was 'warm'. Brooke smiled, a completeness seeming to surround her as she slowly awoke. The third thing that entered Brooke's mind wasn't quite as pleasant. 'Sam'. It wasn't the thought of Sam that was unpleasant. That was a very pleasant thought. And it wasn't even the situation that Sam was in with Devon that was unpleasant to her at that moment (though it was unpleasant of course). Nay, it was the fact that Sam, was very much so tangled up with Brooke.

Brooke had a queen bed in her room. She remember when she got it Sam had laughed and said she was still just a princess, not a queen yet. It was pretty big, and Brooke assumed there would be plenty of space between her and Sam since in the past there usually had been.

But now they were very much intertwined. She opened her eyes slowly, not really wanting to see the situation, and raised her head.

Yep, very bad. Brooke had rolled on her back towards Sam in the night, and Sam's legs had ended up clutching on Brooke's. Brooke's arm had cuddled Sam's head, which rested comfortably on Brooke's shoulder, and Brooke's other arm had wrapped around the smaller girl, who had clearly lost weight.

As much as Brooke knew this situation could be... bad... she also didn't want to move. She was comfortable here. More comfortable then she'd been in a long time. And judging by the contentment on Sam's face, so was Sam.

But Brooke had to pee. She gently pulled her arm from underneath Sam, and then carefully pried Sam's legs apart so she could slip out. She started to roll away but accidently elbowed Sam in the gut...

Who promptly yelped. "Ahhh," she cried out, awake pretty quickly. He cry was weak, so quiet that Brooke almost missed it. Brooke looked at Sam, who was obviously in considerable pain, and another pang of guilt swept through her.

"Oh my god Sam, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. Are you ok? Do you need something? I can..."

"I'm fine Brooke," Sam said weakly. "That was nothing."

Brooke sighed. Stubborn McPherson. "I need to see Sam," she said softly but desperately. If that was nothing... "Let me see."

"I go to the doctors. Some even try to help me get out from this," Sam offered weakly.

"People KNOW and they don't say anything?" Brooke couldn't believe it.

Sam smiled sardonically. "They can't. Doctor-Patient confidentiality. They lose their medical license. Society would rather not know. It's all talk."

"Well I do know now, and I'm not all talk. Sam. Show me."

Sam looked down; Brooke could feel the shame rolling off her. "I can't."

Brooke reached out unsteadily, and raised Sam's head by the chin gently. "I won't judge you. I promise. I just need... I just need to know. Just show me some... please."

Sam looked away, out the window behind Brooke for a moment, before raising her shirt to show her stomach which Brooke had seen some of last night. Brooke gasped as the motley collection of purple, red, yellow and even green greeted her. Sam also pulled up the sleeves on her long sleeve shirt, revealing more damage. Brooke could even see how her wrist wasn't quite right.

"My... my god," she whispered. "This is so wrong."

Sam quickly covered herself up. "There, happy? Now you can't tell anyone. I helped you, you help me."

"That's not helping you," Brooke shot back immediately. Why was Sam doing this to herself?

"Brooke..." Sam started dangerously, but seemed to slow. "I'm fine with this, why can't you be? It's my lot in life, you have yours, and this is mine. I need it; I want this. Devon loves me. Brooke, you have to..."

"You WANT this? You NEED this? What the hell! Are you sick? You must be!"

Sam immediately flashboiled. "YES BROOKE. I AM SICK. I'm all fucked up, and no one else loves me." The last words were spoken in a crushed tone, as her voice trailed off, and Brooke promptly felt all the anger drain from her. "Devon takes me in. He loves me. He's fixing me, and I love him and he loves me, and that's enough." Brooke remained silent. "And so I will take this, and I will come out a better person. And to hell with you if you try to stop us. I don't need you and your judgements. I need someone to love me."

"What... what has Devon done to you?" Brooke felt her anger return. She knew that blaming Sam was way out of line just moments ago. To actively attack Sam was not what was needed here, nor was it right. But she couldn't help her anger. "What's wrong with you?! NO ONE should or would ever love you like him!" She threw her hands up in the air. "I would never love you like he does, I..." She trailed off, a look of shock coming over her face as her mouth dropped wide.

"Oh my god," she says quietly. "Holy shit, I have to... I have to get out of here." Sam moved to stop her, looking for a promise of being quiet. "Get... move... I have to... please..." Brooke's words are all jumbled, and Sam didn't know what to do so she just moved aside and watched Brooke leave, not sure what just happened.

Of course Brooke wouldn't love Sam like Devon did. Sam didn't expect Brooke to. Sam played Brooke's words over in her head. Yea, that sounded pretty much like Brooke didn't give a shit about Sam, especially given the way she had taken off. Like Brooke had realized what Devon had been telling Sam all along. That Brooke would realize just exactly what Sam was and be gone in an instant. She could hear his words in the back of her mind now.

Well... he was right. As always. She should have known he was right. He always knew exactly what was going on. She wondered if Gary and Shawn would tell him what had happened. Not that she was sure they really were in on it, that part was still up for grabs. But... Chris had known, just as Devon had told her. So it's not like Devon had lied to her yet. As far as Sam knew, he almost never lied, except to protect her. He was perfect like that.

Sam sighed loudly and plopped on Brooke's bed. Great. Well, at least now she knew that Brooke really wasn't going to help her – or if she did, it would just be out of obligation. Not that she wanted help, right? But she couldn't help but think of how she felt when she woke this morning. It was the safest and best she'd felt in... well she couldn't remember anything nicer. But nice things tended to get blurry in her mind. Memories like her father, which she had conjured up so many times while having lessons... they tended to slip away. She just... she thought maybe with Brooke it was different.

"Don't let that pipedream get in the way Sam. Brooke doesn't even love you. Devon does," she said softly. "Time to get on with it." She hadn't brought anything over, so she just grabbed her keys and escaped the house quietly to her car. She had to see Devon.

* * *

Amanda came downstairs to see Shawn eating cereal while Gary was on his laptop fiddling around. Both had bags under their eyes, and Amanda knew they hadn't gotten a good night's rest, probably for a similar reason that Amanda hadn't. Well, not exactly the same. She knew that the two had split the night staying awake in case Chris had come back. The police still hadn't caught him as far as they knew.

"How you two feeling?"

"Awesome," the answered as one, though their voices said anything but. Shawn continued. "Well... physically we are. But I'm worried. About Brooke and Sam. Did you hear them rush off? Brooke ran off this morning, and Sam followed shortly."

Gary nodded. "I thought I heard Sam's car leave with the second person which I thought was weird. I figured Sam would be the one to storm off not Brooke. I mean, Sam's already been being all weird, and who knows how last night affected Brooke. Now is not the time for another fight."

Amanda suddenly got that weird gut feeling that she knew she needed to listen to. It told her everything; it was what made her so perceptive. Well, that and the whole lesbian thing. She was getting off topic. Amanda could hear the two girls fighting both this morning and last night, but she had been unable to make out words. She wondered if their fight was related to her little revelation about Brooke. It seemed unlikely since Brooke didn't even know, but she couldn't help but feel that it had little to do with what happened to Brooke last night.

"Well I know they had a fight. That's about all though." Shawn and Gary just nodded, neither knowing what to say. Amanda sighed on the inside. That was the thing with those two. They were good guys, always there for you. Just not so perceptive. Or talkative. Well, that could describe all guys. "I don't think Brooke said thank you to you two last night, but she is thankful you know."

"She'll never have to say it. We know. We'd do it again anytime, for any of you. We just hope we never have to. But seriously, what is going on? I know you know more than you're letting on. Secrets are not helpful here."

Amanda slit her eyes at Shawn as Gary nodded beside him. Ok, she's said this before, but she should stop underestimating their perceptiveness. "Of course I know more than you do. I'm not a guy and therefore impossibly clueless."

Gary and Shawn both raised their eyebrows at her, clearly not buying her attempts to divert them from the issue. Thankfully, the door burst open and Maya burst in, a look of panic on her face.

"Oh God I just checked my text message! Is Brooke ok, I'm so sorry I wasn't here! Where is she? What can I do, I need to..."

"You need to breathe," started Gary slowly as he reached out to her. "Come sit down. It's ok. Brooke's fine. Everything is ok."

Amanda nodded and crouched next to Maya. "Sam came over and seemed to settle her down last night. They had a fight this morning. I'm going to go find her."

"I'll help!" exclaimed Maya. "I have to help, so I'll search starting at the..."

Amanda shook her head. "No. This is for me and Brooke to discuss."

"Amanda..." started Shawn quietly. "You can't keep us out of the loop. We're Brooke and Sam's friends too."

Gary nodded and stepped up. "We can just follow you there."

"I know. But you won't. Because this is a conversation that you can't help with. I have experience here that none of you do," Amanda said confidently as she stared at Maya, hinting. "If I thought even for a second that any of you would help, I'd bring you in. You guys trust me, right?" They nodded. "Then give me the benefit of the doubt."

Maya was staring at Amanda, and suddenly nodded and stood up. "I get it. I know what you mean by saying you have to do it. Gary, Shawn. I think this is something that only Amanda is fit to handle. We have our strengths, but this isn't one of them. Maybe we can help after this conversation?" She offered as appeasement. Amanda almost smiled. Maya may put on that look of a ditzy stupid airhead, but she most definitely wasn't. Or at least, wasn't always.

Shawn and Gary sighed. "Alright, we get it. Go do your thing," Gary waved her away.

* * *

Amanda went straight to the Brazillian Joy cafe, and there Brooke was, in the exact same seat she had first questioned her sexuality in. The place was empty except for Brooke, but she approached slowly. "Brooke?" she ventured cautiously.

Brooke looked up from her the spot on the ground she was staring at. She was clad in her pyjama bottoms and a sweater only, clearly having been in a hurry to escape this morning. "Can I sit down?"

Brooke nodded, and Amanda saw a look in Brooke's eye's she hadn't seen before, even last night. Fear.

"So... care to tell me what's going on with Sam." Brooke's neck snapped around to her on Sam's name so rapidly Amanda thought she was going to have whiplash. But Brooke remained silent. "Brooke?"

"What?"

God, the girl was in her own world. Given, what had happened last night, Amanda couldn't blame her. But Amanda didn't think this was about that. And if it was, this definitely wasn't the best way to deal. On the other hand, what was a good way to deal with it? "Is this about Chris?"

Brooke barked a laugh. "No, Chris isn't even on the top of my list right now."

Amanda frowned. No big surprise there. "Care to tell me what's up? Because something has happened, I know that. Does it have to do with what's been up with Sam?"

Brooke looked down at the ground, then back at her. "No... yes... maybe?" she replied, the confusion in her voice palpable. "It's... complicated."

"When is it not?" asked Amanda gently.

Brooke gave her a hopeless smile. "It's been an earth shattering 24 hours. Learned more about the world than I ever wanted to know. I would say ignorance is bliss, but that would be a lie. The ignorance just hurts everyone else."

"I don't get what you're trying to tell me here Brooke." Amanda knew that Brooke was getting at something, just not really sure which issue was paramount here.

"Neither do I."

Silence. Dead silence, as Amanda didn't know where to go. For once in her life, she had nothing to go with.

Finally, Brooke seemed to stand up in her seat a bit. "I think I figured out something. About myself. About Sam." Amanda just nodded for Brooke to continue, who looked around the cafe quickly. "I... I'm in love with Sam. And not in a sisterly way."


	9. Part 8

A/N: Woo, this chapter took almost a year to write. It was just so painful to continue, but here it is, in all it's sadistic despicable glory. I'm not at all happy with the role that Jake/Nicole have taken in the story and in fact wanted to cut them completely out, but I ended up just sticking to the outline I've had since day 1 since it's way to much work to fix it. 3 parts to go, but the last 2 are super short. Here's hoping it doesn't take me a year to write the next one!

**WARNING: VIOLENCE! WORST TO DATE IN THIS STORY!**

* * *

**Morning of December 17th**

This god damn water just wouldn't stop. Sam was starting to get pissed off. More pissed off. It just kept leaking and leaking and going everywhere. All over her shirt, and when she rubbed at it, all over her hands. Devon would not be pleased with how she was acting. Then again, she could be excused she though, since she had come to a rather monumental realization.

"_What's wrong with you?! NO ONE should or would ever love you like him! I would never love you like he does, I..."_ Brooke's words echoed in her head again. They wouldn't leave her alone. They just repeated, over and over.

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

Sam took a deep shuddering breath. Despite her previous plea, she played the words over again. Of course. She loved Brooke. It was rather obvious now that she looked at it closely.

She sighed and closed her eyes, leaning back. Sam was in her car, having pulled over a mere 3 blocks away after the... water... had clouded her vision .

Ok... she was good. She was in control.

But the thought came back. "_NO ONE should or would ever love you like him..._" Sam groaned in frustration as more tears came out. Why was she like this? She knew how she was acting right now was wrong. But Brooke had basically just said that she had no one but Devon. Not that Sam expected otherwise. But... she guessed her subconscious always wanted to believe that maybe she and Brooke had a future. So maybe that's what was wrong with her.

It didn't make sense. Of course Brooke would never love her. Why should she? She wanted Devon to fix her so she could be loveable, impossible as that feat may be, especially when it came to someone like Brooke.

"_I would never love you like he does..._" The words came unbidden again. And Sam felt her heart break. Brooke was utterly disgusted by her. She wasn't good enough before, and now that Brooke knew just how much of a failure she was, that she needed from Devon, she'd never want to see her again. She'd be glad she was gone.

"FUCK FUCK FUCK, I HATE YOU, YOU BITCH!" Sam's scream was raspy, but carried with it every ounce of hate that Sam had ever had. Fucking Brooke. She hated her.

Sam sighed and hung her head. That was a lie. She still loved Brooke with her entire being. She needed to talk to someone.

* * *

"Can you get these charts filed for me Doris?"

"Throw em on the pile. They'll get there eventually. It's only 10am, I've got 6 hours to do 10 hours of work, no problem," the older woman said quietly, not even looking up at Jake. "You have a three year old with a runny nose in 2, and an old man complaining about some dysfunction in 3," she said as she glanced at him and gave him a wicked grin. "Have fun."

Jake grinned at Doris. "Thank you my dear, I..."

He paused as he felt his phone rumble. He took it out and checked the ID, expecting to not answer it and ignore it like most other calls while he was on duty.

But the name flashed 'SAM – P1' and Jake frowned. His personal system for knowing when to answer involved assigning people different levels of priority. Otherwise he'd never keep them all straight. And he'd only assign people whose calls were important P1, but he didn't know a Sam.

He glanced at Doris. "I've got to take this I think." Without waiting for a reply he walked back to his office, though he could hear her mutter "Of course you do. We're not swamped as is."

"Hello?" he said cautiously. There was no answer, but he could hear breathing on the other end, so he didn't hang up. "Are you there?"

"m' here," came the female voice, quiet. He recognized it though. He breathed a sigh of relief, glad that the girl was alive. Of course, he didn't know what to say now.

"How are you Sam?" he tried, speaking gently. This could be a long call, Doris would have his hide.

There was a long pause. He wasn't sure she was going to speak. "Been better." Her voice was much stronger. "Had an eventful night and morning."

"Is that so? Want to fill me in?"

He could hear her bark a laugh. "Not really. But I called so I guess I do." Jake was surprised. He never actually thought he'd hear from this girl again. He could still picture how broken she'd looked. "Someone else found out."

Relief coursed through him. "Who?"

"My step-sister. We got into a fight. She told me she didn't love me, that no one could ever love me."

Jake cringed. That was not a good thing. "Well... she was just surprised. I guarantee you that she still loves you."

"No she doesn't. Not like I love her." The last was said with abject misery, though Jake didn't get why.

"Sam, if your sister knows, she's going to start telling others. Eventually whoever he is will find out that you told. You have to get out now."

Another pause. "You don't get it. It doesn't matter now. I have no reason to run even if I wanted to." A deep breath. "Look, I'll lay this out. I'm worried for my step-sister. She's rejected me, but I still love and worry about her. Like... really love her. How about that?"

Jake took a second to consider that. Wait, what did she mean by really love her? He decided to ignore that for right now, and tackle the issue here. "Sam, it shows you're a good person. Whatever he has been telling you, he's wrong. You're great and wonderful and you just need to get away."

"No Jake. You're wrong. Who am I without him? I don't have Brooke. I need him."

"Don't do this Sam. Don't go back to him! Let me help you." Jake had risen from his seat but the phone had already gone dead. He punched the wall, swearing, and then turned, seeing Doris at the door.

"I'd be giving you a hard time, but I think this is one of those times where maybe I shouldn't," she started gently.

He didn't answer, just gave her a little affirmative nod, as he tried calling back. But as Jake expected, Sam didn't pick up. She was on her own.

* * *

Sam listened as the phone kept vibrating on the seat beside her. Gah, what had she been thinking? Why did she even talk to him? Way to waste an overworked doctor's time, at an understaffed clinic. Great job Sammy, way to be a positive impact on society.

Then she smiled. She did learn one thing though, she had to go home. She wiped her eyes, checked her makeup in the rearview mirror, and then got back on the road. It wasn't a long drive, and within minutes she burst inside. Thankfully, she saw Devon there, working on some assignment on the dinner table.

Instantly he looked over. "Where did you go last night Sam?"

She bowed her head to him. "Over to Brooke's. Chris tried to rape her, so I went over."

"Did you now," he said, pensively. "Well Sammy, you know that you probably just hurt her, right."

She nodded her head. "I know. We had it out this morning. I don't think I'll be seeing her much more." She thought she should feel something over all that... but instead she found she felt nothing. It was a somewhat welcome change over the despair... but she wasn't sure about that.

Devon smiled brightly at her. "Great! You finally figured it out! Oh Sammy I'm so proud of you!" He walked over, and raised her head. "Just for that, I think you deserve a special day, what do you say?"

Sam didn't know what to say. Her emotions were still numb, she felt like she was swimming through mud. She frowned on the inside. She didn't feel... anything. Not the delight over making Devon happy, not the despair over losing Brooke. Just... nothing.

But there was one time she did feel something. "What were you doing last night?" she asked abrubtly, and a little angrily.

Devon looked shocked, and the words seemed to spill out from the shock. "Chris called me. He needed my help." Sam got a flash of pleasure, the knowledge that she had just surprised and bested him, if only temporarily. But it was instantly gone, and the emptiness roared back.

"You helped Chris. He tried to rape Brooke."

"That's her side of the story. Chris' is different, and frankly I believe his much more. Little Brookie isn't so innocent." He paused, then sighed and lowered his head. "Damn it Sam, I thought we'd made so much progress."

And Sam welcomed the anger warmly. "You're a bastard. You know that? He damn well did it, and you fucking know it."

Sam didn't even see it. One second she was standing, the next she was on the ground. The blow to the side of her head, possibly a punch but she wasn't sure, had knocked her down to her side, and left her feeling woozy. Before she could get up, she saw him come around in front of her and kick her right in the stomach, and she doubled over, retching.

"Fuck Sam," he said quietly. It wasn't even angry. She knew what that meant. She felt him probe the side of her head, right in front of her ear where she had been hit. "You shouldn't do that. It leaves a mark," he continued. She knew what he meant. She shouldn't push him cause he'd do something like that. "Well, what do we do now?"

Sam knew what she needed. "Fuck you, you stupid sack of shit. I'm better than you, and you fucking know it." The words were bittersweet in her mouth. She didn't believe them, but she wanted to feel something. And she did, the pain in her back from his foot spreading rapidly as he continued. She didn't even notice what he was doing, she just felt the pain, felt herself being moved, thrown, punched. She didn't care what he did. Because through all the pain, she felt a sense of... well it wasn't happiness. But it was as close as she'd been in a long time - save the position she'd awoken with Brooke this morning. And, as the darkness closed in, she felt loved, by the cause of her darkness.

* * *

Devon looked down at his hands; then looked at Sam's face, before letting out a short bark of a laugh. For the first time - ever he thought - he'd gotten blood on his own hands. It was something he tended to avoid. Her nose was bleeding, not a lot, but certainly enough that it managed to splash around. Thank god the floor was linoleum, he could get Sam to clean it up easy enough tomorrow.

He sighed then. Why did Sam have to do that? Get him so mad like that, that he gives her the worst lesson in... forever. He gently rolled her onto her back, so he could look at her. He had torn her shirt off at some stage during it, and had actually manged to rip her khakis lenghtwise on her left leg from her midcalf down, revealing the bruised leg beneath. Wow. This was serious, really serious, and could get tricky. There was no way to explain that to a doc, but she might need treatment. Shit shit shit. Deep breath. It's ok, he could get by. He always got by.

He grabbed a towel and wet it slightly. "Oh Sam," he said softly, as he gently wiped the blood from her nose, and then brushed her hair back behind her ears. He hated these moments of lucidity. That's what he'd taken to calling them, at least in the moment.

He'd known for quite some time, at least during these lucid moment, that he wasn't healthy. He'd taken a few psych courses, and knew that he probably fell under the category of a sociopath, or at the very least a severe conduct disorder. But... sometimes - often after a beating - he would have these moments where he could actually see it. Where he could understand just how wrong he was in doing this. And it killed him, seeing Sam like this because of him. But he also knew this lucidity would pass and in no time, an hour possibly, he would lose this feeling and return to how he was. And he would forget all about this moment of realization. He would remember what he did during it, but not the feelings associated with it. Maybe he was schizophrenic? No, he couldn't make excuses for himself. He had to face the music, face what he was, at least for these moments. For Sam's sake.

He grabbed a chair and pulled it over to Sam, no longer daring to touch her. Instead he sat, and watched the steady rise and fall of her chest, waiting. No one would harm her for this time. If Devon was sure of one thing, it was that during these moments of lucidity, Sam was never safer. He'd die before he let anyone hurt her. He checked his watch. 12:13pm. Damn, he was tired.

* * *

Devon awoke with a start, his neck hurting from sleeping in the chair. He stood up, groaning. Why the hell had he been sitting on this damn chair? Then he looked down, remembering. Right, because of Sam. He checked the time. 12:52.

"Well Sammy, no more lying on the ground like that. Let's get you to bed." He gently put his arms under her, lifting her carefully. She groaned, but then nestled tightly into him.

"mmmm Brooke," she said softly, so softly Devon could barely here her. "Be gentle..." Devon frowned. What was this?

He started towards the bedroom. "Love..." He paused again. Sam didn't cry out in her sleep, ever. But she was silent, so he continued in, and put her on the bed, before starting to turn and leave. "Stay..." He turned back at the voice. "Stay please Brooke. Come back to bed."

Devon quirked his eyebrow at that. "Sam?" he asked softly.

Sam thrashed in the bed. Or rather, moved a bit, which could be considered thrashing considering the state of her body. "I love you too Princess. Don't ever leave me."

Devon sighed and left the room. Sam was still on the sister thing, still thinking that maybe Brooke could save her from this. He knew Sam kept hoping for it. But he knew better. Unless...

Suddenly he realized just what Sam actually meant. But it couldn't be? Could Sam be IN love with Brooke? He returned to the room, and studied Sam closely. He was right. He was sure of it now. He didn't even know how he knew it, considering his lack of evidence. But he knew it.

Raw rage suddenly boiled up from within him, enough that he wanted to just beat Sam until she was dead. He started to rise, and took a step towards her, when he stopped. No. No that's not what he'd do. In fact, he wouldn't touch her over this. He had a much better idea.

* * *

"I... I'm in love with Sam. And not in a sisterly way." Brooke sighed, the words out of her mouth at last.

Amanda nodded slowly. "I see. And did you tell her?"

"No." She frowned. "Wait... you don't seem surprised." Before Amanda could say anything, Brooke continued. "For fuck's sake, don't tell me you knew."

Amanda shrugged. "I won't tell you then. So how did you realize this?"

Brooke sighed and leaned back in her chair, buying time. Sam really didn't want anyone to know, but avoiding that particular subject was difficult if she talked about her realization. "I... was making a comparison in loving her. And it just... dawned on me as I said how I would love her. And I meant that 'love her' in a completely sisterly way, until it dawned on me that I really didn't."

"Fair enough. So, you didn't tell her? Mind telling me what the explosion between you two was then?"

God damn Amanda and her questions. And Brooke was so bad at lying to her too. "I didn't tell her... I kind of, cut off mid-sentence and bolted. I just... had to think. And I couldn't do that while I was in a yelling match with Sam." She wanted so desperately to tell Amanda what the fight was over, but she couldn't. Sam would kill her. But then, Devon was killing Sam. She didn't know what to do! She needed to talk to Sam first, she decided.  
"Not going to tell me the fight, are you?" Amanda said, a little miffed.

Brooke sighed. Of course Amanda read her like a book; she always had. "Nope. I'm afraid not. It's... personal. And if it was just me, I'd tell you. But this is personal to Sam too." A slight lie. It was all Sam. But Amanda wouldn't push this, Brooke knew that.

Amanda nodded. "Ok. So, what's next?" Brooke looked at her helplessly. "Ok, here's my suggestion. You gotta talk to her. And fast. Cause she took off right after you left, and I'd bet she's pretty hurt right now."

"Yea." But Brooke didn't move. She was stuck. "I gotta go talk to her." As in move McQueen. Pick yourself up. Amanda rose across from her, and reached out her hand, giving her a little smile, and helped pull Brooke up.

"One foot in front of the other girl."

* * *

"SAM!?" Brooke banged on the door again. "Open up Sam! We need to talk!"

She started to slam on the door when it suddenly popped open, causing Brooke to stumble forward a bit.

"Brooke. What are you doing here?" Devon asked, his voice even. "Looking for Sam I assume? Did you lose her?"

Brooke had to fight to keep the snarl off her face and just slug him right there. It wasn't easy, and she took a second to answer, grinding her teeth. "We had a fight. I need to talk to her."

Devon shrugged. "You look pretty damn pissed off at her Brooke. Are you sure you want to talk to her while you're this angry?" He had clearly mistaken the anger she was showing towards him as anger towards Sam. What a piece of shit.

She didn't answer for a second. "Yea. I'm angry. But I still need to talk to her. She took off like 3 hours ago, she's here right?"

Devon shrugged. "Sorry Brooke, she wasn't here when I got home and I haven't seen her since. At least now I know she went over to your place, right?"

"Yea, she was there. I needed her help." She kept her eyes down, trying to avoid looking at him, fearful she might not be able to control herself.  
He looked at her, eyebrow cocked. "She didn't do a great job of that, did she? Made things worse by the look of it." He was giving her this weird look, questioning her.

Brooke just ground her teeth. "No. It was my fault. Fine, tell her I stopped by if you see her." She turned and walked away without another word, her fists clenching and unclenching as she walked away. She couldn't believe what she'd just done. How she had managed to not kill him. She was suddenly very glad... and sad... that she didn't have a gun with her. She would have started shooting and not stopped until she was out of bullets.

She had to find Sam. She tried Sam's phone again, but it still went straight to voicemail, just like it had the last 20 times.

"Where the hell are you, Sam?" she asked herself, quietly.

* * *

**Morning of December 18th**

Nothing. It was back. The nothing-ness, that is. It was gone for a little while before. When the lesson was occurring, she had felt something. She had felt something during her dreams, when she felt someone pick her up and move her. She thought it was Brooke, tenderly taking her to bed, until she remembered that that was never going to happen.

She knew she should be feeling more pain than she was. A dull ache, that's all she felt. This was potentially really bad; or maybe really good. The emptiness would be gone if it all ended.

She let out a little sigh as she opened her eyes, and gave a little jerk as she realized that Devon was sitting there on a chair, staring at her intently. She gave a little smile.

"Hi baby," she said, her voice rough, the very words hard on her throat. Devon flicked his head to the side, and she saw a glass of water, which she shakily grabbed and sucked down. "Thank you." He nodded to her, and now Sam got nervous. What had she failed at this time? "Babe?"

Devon leaned forward towards her. "Did you tell anyone?" he asked, very intently. "Did you tell Brooke?" Sam didn't answer; just stared back at him coolly. "Cause you know, that would be very bad if you did. How am I supposed to help you if you're telling others? You know they wouldn't understand."

"No. I didn't tell anyone. I know I need your help, and I know they wouldn't get it. So no, I didn't, nor would I ever. This stays between us, like you said. I'll be a stronger person for this, I may be stupid and unworthy, but I won't screw this up," she said. The lies that perforated her mouth weren't easy to spill out. She had failed Devon by telling Brooke. But telling him would help nothing.

He pulled his chair towards her. "That's good honey. I'm glad you understand that." Suddenly he grabbed her by the throat and forced her down. "I have to be honest and clear here. I think you're wavering. I think you're going to fail this like you've failed so many times before. So here's some incentive."

He let go of her throat, just as the black had started to nibble at her vision. Sam sucked in the air he granted her greedily.

"If you tell anyone, I will kill Brooke slowly. In front of you. I'll have Shawn and Gary help me maybe. They like Brooke, I don't blame them, but they know that she's nothing compared to making you understand just how fucking terrible and useless you are."

He grabbed her by the hair, yanking her up and causing Sam to cry out as he brought her face up close, kissing her deeply. Sam felt disgusted more now than ever. He dared to threaten Brooke. She'd fucking kill him.

He pulled back from the kiss. "Then, once we're done with Brooke, we'll look after Mac. You get what I'm saying? She's small, frail. She'd snap like a twig. And if you think that if you could somehow stop me from doing it, like I said, Shawn and Gary have my back."

All the fight drained from her. What could she do against him anyways? Even if her doing something to Devon did stop him, Gary and Shawn would take care of Brooke and little Mac. She didn't know what to say to him, the tears leaking from her eyes. The first tears she'd cried in front of him in a long time.

Suddenly he changed in front of her, grabbing a tissue and gently wiping away the tears. "Shhhh. Baby, don't worry. As long as you tell no one, you have nothing to worry about. I swear on my life that as long as you keep yourself right, hard as it may be for you, I would never do such a thing. Now, like I said, you never told anyone right? You're still completely devoted to me. To us?"

Sam hesitated. Normally her answer would be instant, but she couldn't help it. This... thing... before her had just threatened the things she loved and cared for most. How could she pledge herself to him?

But how could she not. He never lied. Clearly as long as she was good, everyone was safe. She could do something good for once in her useless life by doing what she needed anyways. By taking Devon's help, she'd not only improve herself, but she'd protect the others. "Yes baby. Now more than ever."

But Devon had seen the hesitation, and rose angrily. "You lying bitch. LYING RIGHT TO MY FACE!" he screamed inches from her. "How could you do this?"

"No baby, I love you. I need you. Please, I would never do anything to jeopardize this. Forgive me; it's just another sign of my weakness, of how badly I need your help." Every ounce of conviction. There was no lie here; Sam was speaking from her heart. She needed him to see that.

The anger drained away, replaced by... Sam didn't know what. He suddenly turned and left the room, returning moments later with a large kitchen knife. Sam's heart leapt into her throat. He had finally decided to end this. Well, she would take it bravely. She stiffened as he approached, but he surprised her by handing it towards her with the handle facing her. She nervously took it.

"I want you to cut your wrists," he said softly. "Show me your devotion. Show me you're not a liar. Show me that you're worth me."

He wanted her to WHAT! He was telling her to kill herself. Why would he do that? A test, it had to be a test. To see if she'd even consider to start it. He'd never let her cut herself... but would he? This may very well be no test. She was confused, what was happening.

Devon growled low at her hesitation. She knew what she had to do.

She didn't even feel it as it broke the skin. That was odd, but not as odd as watching the way the blade parted the skin so easily. She watched with this sort of clinical detachment as the blade opened up the skin as she cut crosswise across her right wrist, the blood quickly streaming out. She sat and stared at it for a moment, amazed at the way it flowed out. Amazed that it came from her. Amazed that she had done that herself. She smiled, and switched the knife which was quickly becoming slick with her blood to her other hand. But she managed to swipe the blade across her left wrist, even if it was a bit more awkward since it was her off hand and the slickness of the handle.

She knew she was crying still, watching the lifeblood drip out of her. It was fascinating to her. She supposed it wasn't fatal being crosswise, but the cuts were fairly deep. You never know

Oops. The sheets were getting bloody. This wasn't good, she should do something about that. Devon would be happy if she did do something, but he might be unhappy she didn't think of it before. God, so much to think of. But the view of the escaping blood was just so fascinating, she couldn't tear her eyes away.

But before she could think of what to do, Devon was there, holding towels tightly to her wrists, smiling at her warmly. He was so good to her, saving her here. She already felt better, just knowing that someone who cared so much for her was right there. He was her angel, her saviour. She couldn't leave him, ever.

* * *

Sam awoke slowly, and looked down at her wrists. They had big heavy duty bandages on them, and amazingly had no blood on them. She remembered drifting in and out of consciousness, several times Devon having replaced the bandages. As if summoned, her love drifted in with a glass of water, handing it to her. "You need to get rehydrated! Are you hungry?" he asked as he gently look ahold of her arm. "You're healing really well; it's amazing for only 5 hours." Sam glanced over at the clock as she drank. 2pm.

"I could use a bit of food. I don't suppose this big bandage could become something smaller? It's difficult to hide."

Devon smiled. "Good girl. Yes, I'll replace it after you eat. Let me go make something. How about a sandwich?"

"Sounds great honey. I love you, thank you so much."

He kissed her softly, and left the room. Sam sighed, and grabbed her phone on the night table, turning it back on at last.

It immediately lit up with over 50 missed calls, 46 of which were Brooke's, several from Jake. Brooke was expected, but she was shocked by the doc. Wow, the guy actually did give a shit.

She ignored him, instead opting to call Brooke. Couldn't let Brooke waste her time trying to contact her after all!

"Sam?" the voice answered, nervous.

A smile popped onto Sam's face spontaneously. "Brooke. You've been trying to call me."

"Oh thank god you're alright. Are you at home? I went over to find you but Devon said you weren't home." Devon's name was spat acidicly.

Sam processed that quickly, and she quickly thought up a lie. "Oh... yea, I was just out thinking." Sam was rapidly returning to her sullen mood from before.

"Sam... we need to talk. I'm sorry about before. But we really do need to talk. Where do you want to meet? I'll be there, whenever and wherever."

"I don't know Brooke. It doesn't seem like such a good idea. I need some time to myself." She also was well aware of how bad she looked, and how bad she WAS. She wasn't even sure she could survive making it to anywhere. And it's not like Brooke could come here.

There was a pause, and Brooke's voice came back dark. "Sam, are you alright? I'll fucking kill him."

Sam sighed. It's not like it was hard for Brooke to figure out, she supposed. "I'm fine. Look, I just..." She sighed. She could do this. Brooke wanted to talk, she had to talk. "Look, how about 6 o'clock. Sherwood park." That would give her 4 hours. Enough time to recover.

"Sooner Sam. Please?"

"6 o'clock," Sam responded resolutely.

A huff from Brooke. "You always have been a stubborn one Sam. Alright. Take care." Sam could feel the affection in Brooke's voice, despite her little dig.

"Bye sis." She hung up, and suddenly had the urge to cry. She didn't even know why. She tried to push it away but it wasn't working, she could feel the tears building.

Impulsively she searched another number in her phone and called.

"Sam?" Jake's voice coursed relief. "Oh thank god. I've been calling. I thought something... permanent had happened.

Sam barked a little laugh. "It almost did." She paused. "I'm pretty fucked up you know." Why was she talking to this stranger? She barely knew the fucking guy, and was already telling him more than she'd told Brooke for so long.

"Don't go there Sam. You're not responsible."

Now she really wondered why she trusted him. He was pure doctor. He cared, but he was giving her canned responses, probably was taught exactly what to say. But she couldn't help it. "You want to know what I did after talking to you." There was no answer. "I went home and pissed him off on purpose. Lost consciousness a bit later. You know what I did this morning? Cut my wrists, because I was told to. To prove myself to him. Still think I'm not fucked up?

"Sam, listen. You're talking to me. This is good. This is very good. You're step-sister knows, it's only a matter of time before she gets help."

"It doesn't matter. I'm not leaving him. Not after today."

Desperation creeped into his voice. "Sam, he's escalating and he's escalating quickly. He's going to kill you soon. You have to get out, now. Run. Run far away."

"I'm not a coward. I'm not running." Her voice was cold now. How dare he say that to her.

"No Sam, you're very brave. I know that, and you know that. You're facing an incredible situation. You have to..."

Anger swept over her. "Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do? I don't know why the fuck I call you, you stupid sack of shit."

"No wait, S..." She hung up, and ignored it when it started ringing. She turned it to silent mode, in case Devon saw that it was ringing. Wouldn't do to let him know about that douchebag.

Now, to see to her injuries and make herself presentable. But first, she had to eat and spend some time with Devon. She rose and padded slowly out to the living room, feeling better already.

* * *

Sam dragged herself slowly down the sidewalk. All she had to do was focus her attention, one step at a time, and she'd make it just fine. No one would notice her pain, they'd just think she was a slow walker. Or so she hoped. She was dressed pretty conservatively, with a long sleeve shirt and a bulky sweater over that, and tons of makeup on her face.

Escaping Devon hadn't been nearly as difficult as she expected. Namely because, he took off an hour ago after getting a call, which she figured must be Chris. She knew he must be helping him hide out or whatever it was he was doing, but she didn't care. Not right now. Right now she had to talk to Brooke; she could deal with Chris later. And rest assured, she WOULD deal with Chris.

"Sam?" Sam groaned on the inside, as she turned to the nervous but unsteady familiar voice. "Sam, we need to talk."

"I'm meeting Brooke in a bit. I don't have time for you Nicole." She sized up Nicole. She was still her stylish self, wearing expensive clothes. But she noted her clothes were more conservative, and that Nicole herself didn't have the tough bitch attitude feel.

"You're limp. It's pretty visible. Anyone with half a brain can tell you recently got the shit beaten out of you," said Nicole slowly. "It looks like it was pretty vicious."

Sam snarled back immediately, "Fuck you Satan. It was exactly what I needed and deserved."

Nicole just looked at her, a haunted look in her eyes. "Sam, don't do this. Don't think like that. God, let me... let someone help you."

"I don't need help."

Nicole gave her a crooked smile. "I didn't think so either. You want to know who helped me? The one who got me out of it?" She didn't even wait for a reply. "It was Harrison. Harrison fucking John."

Sam's mouth dropped, but she quickly recovered. "Is that so? Why the hell would you have seen Harrison?"

"Leukemia transplant, remember? We keep in touch, more than you and he have. He figured it out, flew right down and didn't stop pestering me. I couldn't believe it. I don't even know how he knew."

Sam was a little hurt by that. He'd never flown down for her, he'd never even told her he was here. And she was his best-friend. Or used to be. But she supposed she shouldn't be surprised. Like Devon said, she was garbage. "Good for him. And good for you I guess."

"You have people who care that much. You have to know that Brooke is going to figure it out. The pieces are all there for her, she just hasn't put it together. Something like this doesn't keep quiet forever." Sam didn't respond, just stared coldly at Nicole. "It's kind of a race, don't you think? A race between others discovering it, and him killing you. Frankly, I'm thinking you're going to lose that race. And I'm too cowardly to do any more than what I'm doing right here."

Sam shrugged. "That's good. I'm glad you have an opinion Nic. Can I go now?"

Nicole sighed in response, running her hand through her hair slowly. "Sam, please. Let me be your friend. Let me get to know you. Someone who I don't have to be that cold bitch with. I have to make up for what I did to my last best friend."

"What did you do? Was it Harrison?" Sam asks, a bit accusingly.

Nicole shook her head. "Harrison isn't my friend... he's more, family. No. It doesn't matter who or what I did. I just don't want to be that person."

She recalled the last time they talked, where Nicole had said that she hadn't really had a friend since Brooke. "It was to Brooke, wasn't it?" Nicole turned away suddenly, refusing to look at Sam. "What the hell did you do to Brooke?" Sam asked, more forcefully.

"Sam, this isn't about me, or Brooke. This is about you."

"Don't deflect me Nicole. Turn around and look at me. What did you do? Did you spread vicious lies, did you sleep with Josh or Harrison?"

"No, it's nothing like that. Look Sam, can we drop it?"

Sam was sure there was something here though. She may be broken around Devon, but she was still the reporter, and she still cared about Brooke. "No, we cannot. What about those detectives you hired? Did they find out who hit Brooke and you didn't want to tell?" Nicole hitched as soon as Sam brought up hitting Brooke. "That was it, wasn't it? Something to do with Brooke being hit by that car?"

"Sam, please..."

But Sam wasn't done. Not when she could provoke Nicole. "So, who did it? And why the fuck did you lie to protect that snivelling piece of shit? Brooke deserved justice. The stupid fucktard driver deserved it all."

"IT WAS ME!" She turned around, screaming. "I'm that piece of fucking shit. I'm the one who god damn hit her."

Sam's mouth just gaped. She couldn't believe it. "You?" she whispered out.

"Yes! And since then, I've been this mess. It was because of that terrible act as a human being that I was vulnerable. It was because of my cowardice there that I went through that abuse. So tell me Sam, what's your excuse?"

"It was you..." she said again. "How did I not see this?" Her voice was cool and controlled, and she could tell that Nicole was shocked by her reaction. "How did I not know you for what you are?"

Nicole didn't answer, just stood her ground in front of Sam as Sam took a step towards her, and then slapped her.

"You want to get to know me better Nicole? Not a fucking chance. If I ever see you again I don't think I'll be able to stop myself from tearing you limb from limb. I swear to god. I'll make whatever was done to you seem like a fucking merry-go-round. Do you get me?"

Nicole cast her eyes down. "You still have fight in you, you know. Devon hasn't beaten it out of you yet."

"I said, do you get me?"  
Nicole just lifted her head and gave Sam a little smile. "I get you. Don't worry." She paused. "I was wrong before. He's not going to kill you. You're too strong for that."

Sam just started to walk away, and spat back, "Like I care what you think." In a moment, Nicole was gone, and Sam turned into the park. Time to meet what could never be hers.


	10. Part 9

A/N: Ok all, this note is important to read in case you're squeamish about Character Death. I haven't decided on how this is going to end. There are two endings possible here, and I feel like Sam has earned her happy ending but Brooke hasn't even come close to earning it. So this could go either way, depending on how I view the balance of it all. So, as a warning, there is a possibility of character death in the future. But there's also the chance it all ends happy, you'll just have to read to find out (I might do a canon ending, alternative ending sort of thing either way).

THE USUAL WARNING: DOMESTIC ABUSE. Read at your OWN risk.

* * *

**December 18****th****; 6pm**

* * *

Brooke was starting to get nervous about Sam coming. What if she didn't show? But equally scary was the thought of her actually showing up. Because she wasn't sure how she'd react now that she knew she loved Sam.

Sam... god what a mess this was. The situation with Sam and Devon, and then add on her own non-sisterly affections. She wasn't sure how to go about this situation. She just knew that she needed to get Sam away from Devon.

She brought her head up from staring at the ground in front of her as she heard Sam sit down beside her on the park bench. Brooke gave her a quick look over. A heavy sweater, everything all concealed. Lots of makeup. Typical Sam of the last year. How had she not seen it?

"Sam. I'm glad you came. I'm so sorry about running out on you. I'm sor..."

Sam cut her off gently, looking at her warmly. "It's alright Brooke. I understand, you have nothing to be sorry about."

"Of course I do. I love you Sam, more than you know. As much, if not more, than you love me." It was as close of an admission as she could manage.

Sam looked away and ducked her head. "Yea I'm sure. Listen, Brooke. Don't worry about telling me that. I know that there is one person who loves me."

A growl emanated from Brooke, knowing what she meant. She could actually feel her hair rise a little. "He doesn't love you Sammy. He's a monster, who needs to be put down." She immediately regretted going so strongly after Devon. All it would lead to was Sam getting pissed off and them getting in a fight. And although she loved seeing Sam all fired up, now was not the time to be fighting her.

"Please don't say that about my boyfriend," she said softly. "I love him, he loves me. You have to accept that."

Brooke was shocked at Sam's non-reaction. That was not what she was expecting. She had thought that Sam still had a little fight left in her, that Devon hadn't broken her. But maybe... maybe she was wrong. "How can I accept that Sammy? When he hurts you so? You're my Sammy, and it's killing me what he's doing to you." She almost choked on her words as they slipped out, but they came out anyways. That's just slapping her in the face with it.

"It is?" she asked, her voice seemingly hopeful and yet so scared at the same time, and Brooke almost cried at the vulnerability before her.

She gently put her arm around Sam, who was still slouched and looking down in the chair, and pulled her close to her in a hug. She kissed her on the top of her head. "Yes Sam. I would do anything to make you understand. To help you understand how you don't belong with Devon. To make you understand just how incredible a person you are. To understand just how much I love you."

She could feel Sam shake a little in her arms, presumably from crying. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore." Sam's voice was tired and pained. "I just want it all to stop."

"Shhhh. Sam, don't cry. It's alright. I'm here. I'm not letting go. I won't let anything happen to you."

They sat there for another 10 minutes, silent. Brooke was so glad about the progress that had been made with Sam opening up to her, but was at a loss for what to do from here. Finally, Sam pulled up from the embrace and looked at her. Her makeup had streaked away from the tears, revealing a very torn up face.

"Oh Sam..." Brooke intoned softly as she reached up to gently stroke the marks.

Sam immediately turned away. "Please don't." Sam would never admit this to Brooke, but she was scared that Brooke would start to see her as nothing more than a victim. Not a person, but just a victim. That was why even now she continued to hide everything she could from Brooke.

"Ok Sam." She hesitated, but then plunged ahead. "Sam, I don't want you to get angry at me. I just want to talk with this about you, ok?" Sam dipped her head in ascent. "I think you need to leave Devon and come stay with me. We don't even have to tell anyone about what he's been doing. We can keep it between you and me. And we just warn Devon off."

"I... can't," Sam says softly. "Brooke, I'm doing this for everyone. Myself, Mac... you."

Brooke resisted the urge to yell, remembering what she had just said to Sam about talking this over without getting angry. "Don't lie to me Sam. You can lie to yourself if you want, but don't you dare lie to my face about doing this for Mac and me." Still, a little of the anger slipped in.

Sam looked up at Brooke, confused. "What?"

"Maybe in some twisted way you really are doing this for yourself. He may have twisted you into believing that he was helping you, and I can't control that. But I can control the part about Mac and me." She paused. "You know how much Mac misses you? You think she hasn't noticed? Because she has. She thinks you don't like her."

"WHAT?" Sam burst out.

Brooke just continued right away, plunging on before Sam could work herself up more. "I worry sometimes that she thinks you hate her, did you know that? Everytime I'm at the house hanging out with her, she never outright says it. But she's four; she's not that hard to read."

Sam looked angrily at her, but then just deflated. "But I love her with all my heart," Sam said softly. "She's my little sister, how could I not?"

"And what about me Sam? How do you think this is for me? You're killing me here. I know you're the one he's doing this too, but it's hurting me too."

"I..." Sam stopped. "I can't Brooke. You don't understand."

"Then I'm going to tell everyone Sam. Because this has to end, before it ends permanently for you," Brooke said resolutely. If this was how it had to be, even if Sam hated her for awhile, then that was what she'd do. She had to save her.

"Please don't," Sam pleaded desperately. "You can't, you don't understand, he'll..." She stopped midsentence, her jaw working for a few seconds soundlessly before it clapped shut, and she turned her head away

Brooke got a flash of insight into Sam's mind, a step closer to understanding her point of view. "He'll do what Sam? We'll keep you safe, away from him." She gently tried to pull Sam into looking at her, but she resisted, silent for a moment. Brooke didn't push her, as she could sense that Sam was wrestling with something.

Sam finally shuddered, and turned back, looking deeply into Brooke's eyes. "I have to protect Mac and you from him Brooke... he said... he said that he'd kill you, that he'd kill Mac if I told anyone."

Brooke felt a flash of rage, but pushed it down. "Not if I kill him first."

"No, please don't. Don't go after him, he'll just hurt you. Please Brooke; promise me you'll stay away from him." Sam was looking at her desperately, her eyes pleading. There was no way Brooke could say no.

"I promise Sam. I'll stay away. But still, if we get the police involved, they'll make sure we're protected."

"He has help," Sam continued. "There's Chris, and..." she paused, debating on outing Shawn and Gary's part in this. She opted to not. What if Devon was just messing with her about that? It wasn't fair to them, unless she was sure. "... some others."

"So you know who they are right? We have to go to the police, we have to get them to help us. They can protect you, Mac, me."

Sam gently shook her head. "No Brooke, we... I can't take that chance. I'd die a hundred times to protect you. To protect Mac. If I have to take this to protect the two things I love most in life, then I will." Brooke's heart soared from Sam's acclimation. She was loved most by her beautiful Sam. She wanted to sing from the nearest mountain.

She then realized Sam had continued talking. And that Sam had said something very monumental. "What did you just say?" asked Brooke.

Sam lowered her head. "I just found out it was her. Just before meeting you."

"What did you say, Sam," Brooke asked again. She must have misheard.

"I said... I said that I would throw myself in the way of Nicole's car to have saved you that night. It was the scariest moment of my life, when I thought you had died." Brooke looked at her in shock. "Yes Brooke, it was Nicole, she just admitted it to me."

Brooke didn't answer, just stood there, mouth slackly open. This was a lot to take in.

First, Nicole was the one who hit her; very much a holy shit moment.

Second, Sam was talking with Nicole enough to have gotten this out of her; what the fuck is that about?

And third, Sam clearly cared deeply about Brooke; freaking awesome.

But this wasn't the time for these issues. Right now there was one concern, and that was Sam and Devon. "Nicole doesn't matter. You are what matters Sammy. We HAVE to go to the police Sam."

Sam immediately stood up, a little disappointed that her diversion to Nicole had failed. "Don't do this Brooke. Don't make me watch people I love die. Stay the fuck out of this, for your own good. I'm not going to the police."

"Oh, but I have to watch you die? Which you WILL Sam. And yet you won't even take the chance to save yourself, when I promise that no one will hurt Mac or me. I swear it."

Sam growled. "Don't make a promise Brooke, if you can't keep it. And you can't keep it. Stay the fuck out of my life, and it will work out best for everyone." She stormed off, and Brooke rose to chase her, but then stopped. She knew Sam. Maybe not as well as she thought she used to, but she knew her well enough to know that pushing it now would not change Sam's mind.

She needed a plan of action, she needed a sounding board. Time to spill it all.

* * *

"And then she ran off. Which leads us here," Brooke finished unsurely, staring across at Amanda.

Amanda sat across from her in their living room, 2 hours since Sam having walked out on her, her features not betraying anything. Brooke started to get un-nerved by the way Amanda was staring at her, when she finally spoke.

"Well Brooke, this is pretty fucked up. You didn't think that the rest of us needed to know this?" she asked calmly. "I know now is not the time for this, but Jesus Christ you've known for two days and you're just telling someone now?"

Brooke ducked her head. Amanda and she were alone in the house, and she knew Amanda had every right to be pissed at her, but like she said, this was not the time for this. "I know Amanda, I'm an asshole. But like I said, Sam made me promise."

Amanda rose angrily, towards Brooke, who likewise rose to face her. "Oh right, Sam, the girl whose judgement is clearly fucked up right now, pouts her lips a little and you just fall right for it, and promise her THIS? Are you insane? Or just retarded? God Brooke how could you be so stupid and naive!" She punctuated her words by pointing her finger at her and poking her hard in the chest.

Brooke's eyes teared up. "IT WASN'T LIKE THAT."

Amanda looked ready to fire back, when she suddenly stopped, and looked down at her hands. Then she looked up at Brooke. "I... look Brooke, I was out of line there. I know you didn't mean badly, but you did fuck this up. I just... I can't believe I didn't see it. And I can't believe that this is happening to Sam."

Brooke wiped away her tears. "I know. I understand, I was angry at Sam too at first. And I know I didn't handle this the best, but we can finger point and self-loathe later. Right now, we need to think about what's important. Sam."

Amanda nodded. "You're right. Both about that, and about going to the police. We have to go, with or without Sam's permission. We need to tell everyone. I'm fairly certain some mob justice might do Devon some good," Amanda finished wickedly.

"But... what about Sam? Shouldn't we try to get her to come with us? Look, I know we have to tell them one way or another, but if we do this, we take MORE control from her. And right now, she basically has no control. This situation's secrecy is the only thing that she has even a modicum of control over. She's already fucked up; let's not make it worse for her if we can. Let's give her a chance"

Amanda took on a thousand yard stare for a moment, before nodding. "You're right. One more try; give it one more try to convince her to come with us to the police." She paused, then looked at her meaningfully. "You should tell her."

Brooke looked at her like she was crazy, instantly understanding. "Now? During this?"

Amanda nodded. "Look, I think it could be the strength she needs to severe contact with Devon. That little extra push."

"Or maybe it will just freak her out and side her firmly against me?"

Amanda sighed and shook her head. "I highly doubt that. We both know how liberal Sam is. And frankly, I..." She sighed. "Look, I have my suspicions about her feelings too, if you get my drift."

Brooke stared at Amanda, but then just smirked. "Yea, our Sammy with Sapphic tendencies? Doubt it. No, that little fact will be kept quiet for now. That's my decision."

"I never said it wasn't. I think you're making a mistake, but this one is yours to make. Especially seeing as I really have no clue about the right way to go here."

Brooke shrugged. "I guess all that's left is to talk to Sam. I'm just gonna head up to my room, I... just feel like this conversation should be private."

Amanda nodded. "That's fine Brooke. I understand."

* * *

Sam sighed as she flicked through the channels yet again for the 30th time. She wasn't even really paying attention, just clicking through them, trying to distract herself. Unfortunately it wasn't really working; you'd think there would be something good on at 9pm.

_BZZZTTTT_.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she slowly and carefully pulled it out, and saw that it was Brooke. She sighed, not really wanting to have this conversation. But she couldn't avoid it, especially not with the danger Brooke and Mac were in if Brooke told people. And she believed she really would tell people. At least Devon wasn't around right now. "Hey Brooke," she said as she answered.

"Hey Sam. Listen... have you thought about what I think we should do?"

Sam huffed loudly, trying to stress to Brooke how serious she was. "Yes, I have. Don't. Tell. ANYONE."

There was a pause on the other end. "Sammy... that's not going to happen." Brooke's voice was quiet, a bit ashamed. Sam wondered what exactly Brooke saw as shameful for her? Maybe she was ashamed of Sam? But she wouldn't ask.

"You can't. You won't. I'll never talk to you again," shrieked Sam. Panic was bubbling to the surface again, just like from the park.

"At least you'll be able to talk." Again, her voice was low and pained.

Sam didn't answer, too busy hyperventilating and trying to calm down. This was not going well. What was she going to do if Brooke spilled the story? Devon would come home and kill her, and then go for Mac and Brooke.

She diverted her effort to calming her breathing, as she could hear Brooke continuously calling for her over the phone. Brooke could wait. Her chest was starting to hurt from the excited breathing, but as it slowed the pain settled back to its normal ache.

"I'm ok," Sam finally said, to quell Brooke who seemed to be panicking.

A sigh of relief came from the phone. "Oh thank god, you were scaring me."

"I'm sorry," Sam said, genuinely sorry. She didn't want to scare Brooke. Sam was scared enough for the both of them.

"It's ok. So. Are you going to come with me to the police? I promise you, Mac will be safe. I will be safe." There was a pause, but Sam could tell Brooke had more to say. "Look Sam. This isn't all about Mac and me. There's still... your issue. With the way you see yourself. Sam you have to believe me, he's wrong. About everything. You're incredible, you're loved, and you're an amazing person. And just... come to me and I will help show you this. Come to me and I'll show you what true love is."

Sam didn't answer. For a moment, she was so elated. Brooke was basically saying she wanted to be with her!

Then reality hit. Brooke really meant that she'd just be there for her. As a family member. As a step-sister. Still, that wouldn't be so bad? She loved Brooke. Brooke loved her... in a way. Not the way she wanted. But maybe that could change.

Sam snorted. Yea, like miss paragon of hetero-sexuality would ever change.

Brooke though, obviously took the snort as denial of what she'd said. "I mean it Sam. I'll... I'll..." She stopped again, and Sam wondered what Brooke was going to say. "I really love you. You're family. Leave Devon, come be with those who truly love you. Your friends miss and love you. Don't leave us. Don't leave me."

Sam sighed on the inside. She couldn't say no to Brooke now. She had to take this chance to be closer to Brooke; to change something. She was but the moon to Brooke's earth, destined to orbit it for all eternity. Never close enough to merge, to touch; but always there.

"Alright." It was almost a whisper, so quiet that Sam wasn't sure she said it. "I'll do it."

Brooke didn't answer immediately, but Sam could hear a sniffle on the other end. "Oh thank you Sammy. Thank you so much for doing this." Sam had to admit that she was touched that Brooke was crying from joy. Or at least, that's what she presumed it was.

What if it wasn't joy, what if it was with sadness that Sam had given in? What if Brooke was just playing the good sister, the good person? What if she really didn't want Sam to leave Devon?

She pushed away the dark thoughts. "Tomorrow," Sam said again, this time not so quiet. "I'm tired tonight." She put all of her conviction into her voice. She didn't know why she cared so much about it being tomorrow.

"Sam, we should do it right now. What if he does something between then and now?"

Sam ground her teeth. Brooke was right. She should leave now, what if she slipped something to him by then? She was stupid like that after all.

Fuck it. She couldn't explain it. It was probably the masochist inside her. She blinked as that thought popped up. That's the first time in a long time that she'd thought of staying with Devon as masochistic instead of just 'good for her'. Weird.

Before Sam could reply to Brooke's statement, Brooke was speaking again. "Wait... no. This is on your terms if you're coming with me to the police Sammy. You're in control of this. Tomorrow morning."

Sam breathed a sigh of relief. "Yes. Tomorrow." She deliberately left off the morning part, which she was sure Brooke would notice. Luckily, Brooke didn't notice, or at least comment.

"Thank god. It's such a relief for you to agree. I just know that..."

Sam cut her off. "Look Brooke. Can we talk tomorrow? I'm tired and... well I just need some time to myself. But I'll call you tomorrow, mkay?"

"Ok Sammy. We can talk tomorrow." She could hear the disappointment in Brooke's voice over the way Sam was ending the conversation. But too bad for her.

"Alright Brooke. Talk to you tomorrow." She stopped for a second. "I... love you," she added awkwardly.

"I love you to Sam. Goodnight."

The phone went dead. Sam closed it and started to set it down, but before she'd put it down on the coffee table, it started to go off again.

Sam automatically answered it. "Hello?"

"Sam. It's Dr. Farginson... Jake. I'm surprised you answered."

Sam couldn't believe this guy. He really wasn't giving up. "You could have taken the hint?" Her voice wasn't cold. In fact, it was somewhat warm, more like a statement of fact.

"I'm pretty stubborn. When I see someone who I can help, I keep trying. Even if it is like ramming my head at 60kph into a brick wall." His voice was likewise warm, his comment not meant as an insult. Sam marvelled at the way he was playing her into getting his way. One thing she had to admit, he was very good at making you feel like he was your best friend.

"Well you can stop. You've won."

There was a slight pause. "What did I win exactly?" he seemed to be a bit confused. Sam almost smiled over the fact that she had one upped him.

"What do you think? Step-sis got clout you moron." She didn't know why she'd said it like that.

"Wait what? Erm nevermind! Good! Great! And here I was all ready to fight you." There was a pause. "You're not just saying this to get me off your back," he asked suspiciously.

Sam chuckled a bit ruefully. "No. I should have said this earlier though. Could have gotten rid of your two-faced ass." Again, she said it with a hint of joviality, but still somewhat serious. She then sighed. "But I guess I'm glad I didn't."

"Well... me too. I'm just glad your step-sister got through to you. Are you taking this to the police, cause... I could be helpful with that. The records and stuff. Or just as a friend."

Sam stiffened. This was going to snowball, she realized. Everyone would be all 'let me help'. Ugh. "I... No. I don't want your help. I don't need your pity or condescension. I'm going to handle this. Without you."

"Sam, you should go to the police."

Rage boiled up again at him, a common emotion associated with this doofus apparently. "Jeez, you sure don't wait long to start preaching asshole. For your information jackass, I am going tomorrow. I just don't..." She sighed. "You've done enough, ok? I need to do this myself, for myself."  
Jake took a moment to answer. "Alright; I get it. Just... if you get in over your head, call me. I'm willing to do more."

"You actually care, don't you?" she asked, a little wistfully.

"Yes," he answered back strongly and unequivocally. "Of course I do."

"Well... I'm sorry for what I've put you through. For how I've treated you. But I can't say I'd have changed how I acted."

She could hear him openly laughing. "I've had way worse. Besides, looks like it's working out in the end. You can be a success story. Worth it for sure."

She smiled a little too. Maybe she would be a success. "Yea... look. Thanks for your help."

"No problem. Remember; you can call me if you need me."

"I will."

She hung up, just as she heard Devon pull up in his car. One more night with him. One more, and maybe she could make a life without him. With Brooke.

* * *

After her conversation with Sam, Brooke had gone downstairs and filled Amanda in, word for word as far as she could remember. Amanda had just smiled and shook her head when she finished the story. "Man you got it bad," she chuckled out.

Brooke had just sighed and agreed, before they had hugged and Amanda had gone upstairs to bed. She was glad that Amanda was there for her after her initial freak-out at Brooke over Sam. Amanda was even going to tell Shawn about it, which was one thing off her back. She knew that Shawn was not going to take it well, and that he would be even angrier and more out of control than Amanda had been. Angry at her over her hiding this.

She returned her focus to her present issues. And for once, it wasn't just about worrying about Sam. Scratch that, it was just a different version of worrying about Sam. It was about what she was going to do this Christmas. She didn't know if Sam would be ok with going home to the parents with all this going on. Sam might be really against that, with the spotlight being cast on her like that. But if they went to the police as they planned, she'd have a spotlight on her anyways, so maybe she wouldn't mind too much? Having Mom and Dad around could be helpful in case Devon went ballistic, and they would be really supportive. But if not, at least Shawn and Amanda were going to be around this Christmas, though Gary had already left for home. She'd talk with Sam about it she supposed. See what she wanted. She was just so glad that Sam was opening up to her, and willing to go to the police.

But there was something that worried her. She wasn't exactly the most subtle with her feelings on that phone. The only upside of the whack-job Devon had committed on Sam was that Sam wasn't thinking clearly enough to realize that she didn't only have sisterly affectations. She thought she'd covered her feelings up ok in the conversation, but who knew how well that would continue. She worried that if Sam found out how Brooke really felt about her, she might freak out and not be willing to be close to Brooke, to accept help from Brooke. And she knew that Sam would need all the support she could get in dealing with everything.

Brooke shuddered when she realized she'd just given an upside to what Devon was doing. What was wrong with her? There is no fucking upside. A foul taste filled her mouth and she quickly went to the sink, washing her mouth out, but she was interrupted by a knocking at the door.

"Coming," she called out as she went over and opened the door.

"Hey Brooke," a very nervous looking Nicole stood in front of her, looking like she wanted to be anywhere but here. Not that Brooke could blame her, since she had a feeling what was coming.

"Nicole," she said coldly. "Did you drive? Should I be searching for cover?"

Brooke could actually see Nicole gulp. "Uhhh... no. I take it Sam told you?"

"She's told me a lot of things. One of those things shows just how psychotic you really are." Nicole didn't respond, just kept looking intently at her. "What, not going to make excuses? Not going to try to say it was all a lie?"

Nicole lowered her gaze. "No Brooke. I should have told you a long time ago. But... look there is no good reason why I did it. Hell, there's not a reason good enough why I didn't admit it. I can never make it up to you, and I know I don't even deserve that chance. But I'm not here about that. I'm here about Sam."

"You know, then?" Brooke asked curtly. She suddenly remembered a conversation that she'd had with Nicole a few months ago. Immediately she reached over and slapped Nicole, as hard as she could. Nicole actually staggered from the blow. "You told me a few months ago that you know what's going on. I thought you were bluffing. You knew then. YOU KNEW THEN AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ANYONE!"

Nicole seemed to shrink down before her. "I didn't know," she begged off weakly. "I had my suspicions at the time. I didn't find out for sure until later." Again Brooke slapped her, but Nicole made no move to defend herself. "Look Brooke, I fucked up royally, just like I always do. I am, and always have been, a coward. But I knew I couldn't change Sam's mind, I tried. And I had to do as she wished. I just had to."

"Even if it got her killed you cold hearted bitch?" Brooke taunted her angrily.

"There's no excuse for my actions. Or my lack of actions. And I'm so sorry. I just... please, forgive me. For running you over, and for Sam. There has only been 3 people who I can say have cared for me at all in my life, and you are one of them. Please."

Brooke sneered. "It's not me you need forgiveness from. You running me down is long past us, it doesn't matter. It's nothing compared to this. I will never forgive you, but my forgiveness shouldn't matter for shit." Brooke took a second to calm herself. She really wanted to beat the living hell out of Nicole. But she still had that soft spot in her heart for Nicole. Cause she knew all about her life at home, and she believed that so few people had ever cared for her. "You need Sam's forgiveness. And it can't... it can't be now. It has to be later, when she's better. When she's not twisted in the head."

Nicole lowered her head, then raised it and nodded. "You're right," she said, with a thousand mile stare. "I just... No. You're right. I'm sorry. And... and not that I deserve this, but could you please tell Sam I'm sorry too. I doubt she'll ever want to talk to me again."

Brooke snarled at Nicole. "You're damn right you don't deserve that. Stay away from us."

Nicole turned and started to walk away. At first Brooke was content to just watch, but she could see in Nicole's walk, in her demeanour, that she was crushed. "Nicole... wait..." She walked slowly out to Nicole.

Nicole turned slowly, and brought her eyes up to look at Brooke. And Brooke could see it in her eyes. Genuine remorse; and pain; and something else she couldn't quite put her finger on. She openly sighed. There was enough pain in this world. She would probably always hate Nicole; and she did genuinely never want to see her again. But she could do this small gesture for her. Just this once.

"I will tell Sam. I will do that for you. And although I don't forgive you, I... I guess that I accept your apology. I don't know if that helps."

Nicole's eyes watered slightly, and she nodded. "Thank you Brooke. You always were too good for me."

Brooke didn't say anything, just jerked her head away from the house, which Nicole clearly understood and started to walk away again as Brooke went back inside. The exhaustion hit her as she re-entered the house; the emotional toll of dealing with Sam, Amanda and Nicole draining her dry. She went upstairs and was asleep in moments.

* * *

"Hey babe, how you doing?" asked Devon amicably as he stepped up to give Sam a hug and a kiss, which Sam meekly co-operated with.

"I'm ok. I had a busy day, ran into an old enemy. Nicole Julian, you've heard some stories about her. Man, she was, and still is, a bitch."

Devon gave her a grin. "Haha yea, I've heard the stories. She sounds like a real psycho. Do anything else?"

Sam immediately answered, not wanting the happy mood to end. "Not really. Hung around, you know." She was nervous answering, but she thought she hid it pretty well.

Devon smiled widely. "That's great. So, wanna snuggle up and watch a movie? I just bought 'Up'. I know how you like these sorts of movies. We can have some popcorn and just be together."

"That sounds awesome," Sam exclaimed, smiling genuinely. Why was she leaving him again? He was so good to her. "I'll make the popcorn, you get it all set up?"

Devon nodded. "Sounds great love."

The popcorn was quick to make, and they sat down, cuddling up. Sam's doubts about leaving grew more. He was so good to her, and looked after her really well. She looked down at her wrists, which were lovingly bandaged. He looked after her stupid self after she cut herself after all. She looked over at Devon, and smiled when she saw he was looking at her. He smiled back, and they went back to the movie.

The movie was nice, just sitting with Devon and relaxing. And she knew he was happy with her, just the way he looked at her. It was comforting and warm, and she knew that he loved her, just as she loved him.

As the credits rolled, Sam uncurled herself from Devon and stretched. "That was great honey. But I'm kind of tired; I think I'm going to go to sleep if that's alright with you."

He smiled warmly. "Of course. I'll join you."

It didn't take long for Sam to get ready and crawl into bed in her pajamas ready to just fall asleep, while Devon was still taking a shower. She was asleep in seconds.

Devon came out of the shower a short time later, quickly drying himself off and walking into the room. He saw Sam was still, and the low steady breathing let him know she was fast asleep. He frowned, but shrugged before going over to her.

"Sam, wake up. Come on babe," he said gently as he rocked her slightly.

She awoke with a start, but still groggy. "What... huh... what do you want Devon? I'm really tired," she mumbled out in front of him, causing him to frown deeper.

"You can't just go to sleep like that Sam. I thought we could... have some fun," he said curtly.

Sam pushed herself up a bit, raising her upper body. "Not tonight Devon. I'm not up for it."

Devon instantly lashed out, slapping her hard with the back of his hand. "Excuse me? I'm pretty sure we're going to have some fun tonight Sam." His voice was low, and dangerous.

Sam slowly turned her face back to him, her one eye having welled up a bit from the slap, and a bright red mark on her upper cheek. "And I'm pretty sure I said I'm not up for it," she said defiantly, raising her chin.

Devon couldn't help but gape at her for a second. He was so sure she was broken, that she was all ready for him to mould into whatever he wanted her to be. That she wouldn't resist anything he says. "I..." he started, but then stopped and looked up for a second. "I think that you should think about this." He really just wanted to beat her to within an inch of her life for even doubting him. But he wasn't sure if that would really help his long term cause here. It may even hurt it.

Sam just continued to stare at him, daring him, mocking him. "I don't think I have any thinking to do. So are you going to come to bed and sleep, or what?"

Devon's vision clouded red for a second, and he raised his hand back in preparation to strike her, ready to relish her fear. But then he stopped, as the red cleared and he honed in on Sam's eyes.

There was no fear in them. She just stared at him defiantly, with not hate in her eyes but... something he couldn't identify. Was that pity? It couldn't be. He lowered his hand, knowing now that hitting her would accomplish nothing tonight.

"This isn't over Sam. It's a good thing that I'm feeling lazy. Later, we'll obviously have to go over this, and you'll have to be punished. Tomorrow."

Sam snorted, and just stared at him for a moment as he left her side and went to the other side of the bed where he slept. "There won't be a later, or a tomorrow," she muttered quietly, but immediately paled as Devon snapped his head towards her. She obviously hadn't meant to say it aloud, Devon could tell that. But he had his guess what that meant.

"What did you say you fucking whore?"

She lowered her head. "I... I..." she started stuttering. "I don't know. I don't know why I said that." She looked genuinely remorseful and confused, as if she didn't know what was going on. "I just..." She stopped again. "I'm sorry, I don't know."

He didn't believe her. He had to show her. He immediately reached over and grabbed her roughly by the hair, pulling him towards her as he crashed his fist into her shoulder, actually feeling something give from that blow. She cried out as he threw her onto the ground, immediately going to the fetal position. "I think that I need to show you. Exactly what will happen to Brooke, and Mac, and maybe even your mother. In fact, it will be worse than this."

"No," Sam coughed out, but Devon ignored her, and kicked her right in the forehead, though not too hard. He still needed her conscious.

Her head snapped back, and he followed it up with a couple of kicks to the stomach as she tried to curl up and protect herself.

He snarled as he grabbed her by the hair again and pulled her up. "So you stupid bitch," he started, as he slapped her a few times to bring her attention back. "What are you thinking? Hmmm. Tell me Sam." She didn't answer, her head lolling around, her eyes unfocused. He slapped her again and her eyes focused on him, and she smiled lazily.

"I'm thinking... I'm thinking that it doesn't matter what I say," she said slowly, and thickly.

He smiled back at her, and then dropped her, leaving the room and quickly rummaging through the main closet. He returned to Sam a moment later, baseball bat in hand, but she was still smiling lazily. She had managed to pull herself up to a hunched standing position, supporting herself on the dresser.

"Stop fucking smiling you piece of garbage. I'm going to give you something that will remind you about this for a long time" he said darkly as he slammed the bat into the side of her knee. She cried out as it buckled, and she fell heavily on her back. He hit it again, this time right on the kneecap, and Sam screamed again. He guessed that there was very possibly some long term damage from his blows. And he was happy about it.

He threw the bat into the corner, and proceeded to kneel on her chest, preparing to follow it up. But to his shock, she started to laugh in his face. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" asked Devon, but Sam just kept laughing in his face. He hated her. He started to hit her, but she just kept laughing, though it grew weaker. "Garbage, that's all you are."

Sam coughed, a touch of bloody spittle coming out, but continued to laugh at him.

And he just kept hitting, and eventually she stopped laughing. She stopped moving. But he didn't stop. He couldn't stop. He hated Sam. He loved Sam.

And somehow through it all, she kept breathing.

**

* * *

**

December 19

**th**** 2pm**

* * *

She coughed again, over the sink this time, and spat out the blood that came. She knew this was really bad. You don't cough up blood unless you were fucked up. You don't keep coughing up lots of blood unless you were dying.

But she didn't care. It was the early afternoon, and she had survived last night. Barely. Soon she would be with Brooke. If she would have her.

"Hey babe," Devon walked in behind her, and Sam struggled to hide the contempt from showing on her face. She schooled her face into a passive look. "I'm going out for a bit. Need anything?"

"I'm ok, thanks," she said softly.

He approached behind her, wrapping his arms around her. "You feeling ok?" he asked, concern evident in his voice, and Sam felt affection for him boil up again.

She knew what this was now. It was Stockholm Syndrome. She didn't know how she'd not picked up on it before. Not that identifying it helped her, since it didn't change how she felt. Or maybe it did, since she was getting out. Why was her mind wandering on this?

"Yes Devon. I'm just... sick I guess."

He nodded, then turned and moved to exit. "Alright, I'll see you later. My phone's going to be off, so I'll be out of touch for an hour or two. Private business."

Sam smiled at him in the mirror. "Goodbye Devon." And then he was gone.

She sat there, staring at the mirror and coughing occasionally, noting that at least the blood was lessening. After what felt like an eternity, though was in reality only a dozen minutes at most, she went to her room and started packing. Not everything. She didn't want most of the stuff around here, the bad memories. But she did want some things.

Like pictures of her father. She had so few of them she dared not risk losing them. And a few gifts that Brooke, Mac, and her mom had gotten her. Sentimental garbage, of the times before Devon. It wasn't much, just a small suitcase and her backpack. She threw it all in her car and then went back in, looking around at what had been her home, her hell, her sanctuary and her prison all in one.

"Can't say I'm going to miss this place," she whispered to herself, as she pulled out her phone, noting it was now 2:30, and dialled Devon. She was glad he'd told her he'd turned off his cell, now she could just leave a message on his cell. She didn't know how she would have done this otherwise.

She waited as the machine prompted her to leave her message after the beep, and then started to speak.

"Devon, I'm leaving you." She sighed loudly, and her voice turned wistful. "I love you, but you're going to kill me. I'm going to get the police involved, just to inform them, but I don't intend to press charges, as long as you leave me and everyone else alone. I won't... this can all just be history, ok?" She paused for a second, not sure how to end this. "I don't know what happened to you Devon, but I'm sorry. Goodbye." She hung up, and the totality of the situation hit her. She was really doing this.

She was leaving the safety of this situation. At least with Devon she knew exactly where she stood, and where he stood. Who's to say what would become of her and Brooke. What if Brooke discovered how she felt? She was the only person she had outside of Devon, and she'd lose that.

"My god am I every angsty," she giggled to herself, though it shot waves of pain through her.

She stopped, and sat down, suddenly very tired. She wanted to take a nap right where she was, but knew she couldn't. She sighed, and then dialled Brooke.

"Hey Brooke. I just... I'm coming over now I guess. Or soon. Ok?"

Brooke's voice was ecstatic. "Great! I'm here and waiting. I'm so glad you're coming Sam. Glad you're letting me help you."

Sam snorted. "You say that now," she started depreciatingly. "But alright, I just need to... I need some time. Don't worry if I'm a little while. I'm safe."

"Ok Sam, as long as you're safe. I'll see you soon, love you."

"I love you too," she replied gently as she hung up.

And then she started to cry.

It took her about 30 minutes to get ahold of herself enough to drive. She didn't know why she'd started crying, but she thought the only reason she'd managed to get control was because she knew she had to be gone in case Devon checked his messages. And even then, it took her awhile to actually start the car after she'd locked herself in her car. For some reason, she dreaded being without Devon.

But then she finally left, driving away from that house forever and headed for Brooke's.

She pulled up to the house, absently noting it was 3:20, and put the car in park. Time for her new life.


	11. Part 10

A/N: I've been looking forward to this for a longgggggg time. A LONG LONG time. So have most of you. I recommend you re-read the prologue before reading this just so you remember exactly what happened there, since this picks up right after it. One more to go.

WARNING: Fighting, possible death.

December 19th; 3:30pm

"Then he told me he was seeing a flying pig whizzing around the bar, singing 'Sexy Bitch'. I couldn't believe how drunk he was, it was the worst I've ever seen him. Then again, I guess seeing your own Dad completely trashed is pretty rare, huh?"

Amanda chuckled. "Very true Shawn. When do your parents leave?"

Shawn shrugged. "I think they're staying until after New Years. It's kind of cool, them coming out here for Christmas instead of me going home. It's a nice change."

"Ugh, I don't like it, it means I have to put up with more of your ugly face," she joked at him as the turned down the street to their house. Inwardly though, she was cringing. She had specifically taken Shawn out of the house to tell him about the whole Devon and Sam situation, but had ended up chickening out for some reason she couldn't identify. Now she understood a bit of what Brooke must have been going through.

"Oh hardy har har. You love me, everyone does." He stopped, but then added excitedly, "Hey, look, is that Sam's car?"

Shawn watched as Amanda's head snapped over to their driveway, seeing Sam's car at the end of the driveway. She smiled. "Yea, it is. Great, she's here!" As they kept walking towards the house however, a second car came into view which had been hidden by the house next door. Shawn literally felt Amanda freeze up for a second before she started to run at the house. "No. No no no."

"What?" he called out after her, looking on in confusion before jogging to catch up to her as she made it to the front of the walkway to the house, where she paused. "Is that Devon's car?" he asked, getting more confused. What was wrong with Devon and Sam being over?

Amanda ignored him, and started moving toward the house again and Shawn briefly sprinted to catch up to her as they reached the steps.

There was a loud crash in the house, and Amanda turned to him, a look of horror on her that sent chills through Shawn. "Devon beats Sam, she was leaving him today," she rushed out, and Shawn felt his innards go cold, as it all clicked into place. He nodded to her and immediately pushed his way forward and slammed open the door.

Chaos was around him. He looked to the kitchen on his left, saw a broken table and a smashed light among other damage. He walked forward down the hall with Amanda behind him, and turned towards the living room.

The first thing he saw was Brooke lying face down in front of a smashed TV, unmoving. There was some blood visible around her, with the glass having scattered around her. He analytically noticed the chaos of the rest of the room as he scanned over to Devon, who held Sam by the throat. She was hanging limply in his grasp, unmoving.

Someone was dead. He could feel it; one of the step-sisters was dead, if not both of them. Shawn prayed it was just a feeling, and not fact.

Then his brain finally stopped thinking as the gravity of this hit him, and instincts took over. He roared in anger as he charged at Devon, who turned to look at him with a look of surprise. He dropped Sam as he tried to set himself for Shawns attack but Shawn just tackled him as hard as he could, managing to pull him down despite being heavily outweighed and muscled. In the background, Shawn could hear Amanda screaming at the 911 operator for help.

Devon threw a punch at Shawn who was on top of him, which glanced off his shoulder, so Shawn responded by throwing an elbow at Devon's face. He took the blow full on but it didn't even seem to faze Devon, who then flipped them over so that Shawn was on the bottom and punched him once, twice, three times right in the face.

Shawn groaned, feeling blood ready to leak out of his now broken nose. He ignored it, and threw his legs up, forcing Devon forward and giving Shawn some leverage to get out from under Devon and stand.

Devon slowly turned to face him. "You want to be number 3?" he asked. "And then Amanda over there can be number 4." Something had clearly snapped in Devon. He didn't seriously think he could get away with this, did he? Shawn could still hear her yelling on the phone in the background, and he prayed that they hurried.

"Fuck you," he yelled, and spat the tooth that had been knocked out by Devon's punches at him, which distracted Devon as Shawn stepped forward and lashed out with a hard kick at the knee. Devon took the blow full on, and had to go down on one knee but still lunged forward. Shawn danced back, but not without taking a hard blow on his quads, which tightened up. He'd be a bit slower now.

"You really think you can take me?" he laughed mockingly at Shawn.

Shawn ignored him and again lunged forward to attack Devon with a kick, but Devon was prepared this time and managed to block the kick and got a grab of Shawn to pull him in, as the two were reduced to a wrestling match. Shawn struggled to disengage, but found he couldn't and he was eventually thrown to the floor beneath Devon. Devon kicked him hard in the side of the head, and Shawn felt his vision blur momentarily before it came back. Devon was right over him, and felt another kick, this time to his side. He coughed loudly, wincing at the pain, knowing he was in serious trouble now. He saw Devon wind up for another blow.

Just before he was about to kick him again however, Devon looked up as Amanda came screaming into the room with a knife in hand, throwing herself at Devon with the knife. She managed to cut him on the outside of his forearm as he blocked the knife with the outside of his arm which minimized any real damage to him, but he quickly grabbed her wrist with the knife and gave her a stiff blow to the face, and the knife just fell out of her hand. He hit her again, and then threw her head first into the wall, sending her almost through it. She didn't get up.

Shawn rolled away from them, remembering that his golf clubs were in the small storage closet in the living room. He knew the only way he could stop Devon was with a weapon of some sort, but the knife was too close to Devon. He threw open the door and grabbed a club as he heard Devon start to come towards him.

He turned and lashed out with the club at Devon's head, aiming to knock it straight off. But Devon showed fast reflexes as he managed to angle his head so it only bounced off. Still, it stunned him and allowed a second blow, this time Shawn hit him right in the chest hard, and he thought for sure he'd broken a rib or two judging by the way Devon cried out.

As Devon reeled away trying to escape, Shawn hit him again, this time in the knee. Devon turned away as he fell down to one knee. "No wait, stop..." Shawn just ignored Devon, hitting him again, this time in the back. Devon stumbled forward, going down to all fours.

Shawn breathed deeply, finally getting a brief second to think. This piece of shit had been beating on Sam, and had damn near killed 3 of his friends, let alone himself. He deserved to die. He needed to die.

He brought the club up, and swung it at the side of Devon's head. But it wasn't a full force blow. Devon did collapse to the ground, unconscious. But he would be alive. As much as he wanted to, Shawn wasn't going to kill this asshole. That wasn't his place. He'd let Sam and Brooke do that.

He threw the club away as he kicked Devon one more time for good measure, before turning to Amanda who was still sprawled partially in the wall. He gently pulled her out so he could reach her neck, and with relief noted that she had a pulse and was breathing ok. He quickly left her and went over to Sam who was close by and had been unceremoniously dropped. She was propped against the wall, leaning heavily to one side, her face deathly pale and her lips still blue.

"Come on Sam," he said to her softly as he checked for a pulse.

Nothing.

He pulled her away from the wall, and started CPR. The entire fight had taken less than 2 minutes. EMS could still be minutes away. Time to pray for a miracle.

"Come on back Sam. Help is coming, just hang on."

Eventually, sirens could be heard in the distance.


	12. Conclusion

WARNING: MAIN CHARACTER(s) DIE/DEATH. THIS IS A SAD ENDING!

A/N: Sadly, this is the ending that was inevitable for this storyline, and I felt that even moreso after writing both this and the happy ending. The person in me wants their happy ending, but the writer in me just can't do that, not with the way this story played out. I may post the happy ending, or I may not, I haven't decided. Alternative ending always seems like cop-outs to me, but it's funny and happy so I probably will anyways.

* * *

The funeral was quite possibly the most difficult thing she'd ever had to do. Sitting through it as person after person talked about how great she was. About how they would miss her. They didn't know the meaning of loss compared to what she felt for her love. But she's gone. Gone and buried, never again to be near her. Because of Devon.

He wouldn't be hurting anyone else for awhile. The DA was almost positive that he was going to get a solid conviction, probably be behind bars for at least 5 or 6 years. It didn't seem fair, that a man kills another human on purpose, and gets less time than someone who embezzles a couple of million dollars. In what world is THAT possibly right? And it was nice that Chris had been caught, but all he'd gotten was 3 months and some community service. Such a load of crap.

Still, she didn't hold Devon fully responsible. It was her fault too, at least partly. It was cause of her that he attacked. It was cause of her that she was killed.

Shawn had tried to save her. But there was just nothing he could do. It was too late, and with EMS being so slow to respond, she never stood a chance. And now he was a mess too, and that was her fault as well. And don't forget about her parents, and all her other friends. They were all in a daze, unable to believe what had happened, that she didn't tell them anything about this. That it was a secret.

She had moved back home into her old room after she had recovered from her injuries. The parents had insisted, but that was expected. Everyone could see that she was walking around dead inside. Amanda had called her on it this morning, confronted her.

She had said such beautiful, horrible things. Such terrible, amazing things.

Sam slowly traced the scars on her arms from where she had cut herself, remembering the feeling. The marks were still there, would likely be there for the rest of her life. But that didn't bother.

She still was in disbelief that Brooke had loved her. As in loved her like she loved Brooke. Amanda had insisted, pretty much forced it on her, trying to make her feel better. Nothing could be further from the truth however. The knowledge just crushed her. Brooke had been so close to her, and she so close to Brooke. But now she was gone, because of her. This was... it was all her fault.

She picked up the large knife she had on the sidetable of her bed, toying with it. She wondered if Brooke had felt the way Sam had when she'd cut herself. Brooke had bled out during the fight, her carotid nicked by the glass in the TV. When she'd collapsed, she'd landing on a coat which had soaked up enough of the blood such that it wasn't visible. Shawn had... Shawn hadn't even seen it; he'd just started CPR on her. Sam had been dead for what was estimated to be a whole 4 minutes by the time EMS arrived with the defibrillator which got her going. It was a miracle she had no brain damage.

But she didn't see it as a miracle. She couldn't remember a second of it. Which meant that she was probably happy during those 4 minutes, since she had no other recent memories of happiness. Happiness was always to be denied to her while she was alive.

She put the knife down, grabbing a piece of paper and a pen, scribbling out a quick note. 5 sentences were all it took.

And then she traced her scars again, before picking up the knife.

* * *

A/N: So ends the longest story I've ever published. Also the darkest. It's been a long two years and 3 months. I'd just like to thank all my readers, and especially those who reviewed and kept me writing, for reading through this hellish story which addresses a terrible topic that no one likes to think about. I've got another long story idea ready but it's also pretty dark (but nowhere even NEAR this dark) and I'm not sure I want to write another one. I'm gonna try and think of a more light hearted story. On the other hand, I usually find a way to take a happy story and have it end sadly, so I don't know if that will help.

Anyways, thanks for reading.


	13. Alternative Happy Ending

**A/N:** So I re-read the whole story last night, and I gotta say that I wasn't happy with myself at the end! Boooo to my sad ending! Sam deserved better, and plus I like the universe/characters I've created and maybe want to write more! So here is the alternative ending, where Sam gets the happy ending she so deserves (even if Brooke soooo didn't). It's happy and loveable yay!

"Wake up Sam." The voice floated in dreamily. "Come on Sammy, enough napping. Time to wake up. I need you. I can tell you're all ready to get up!"

Sam groaned gently. Surprisingly, it wasn't from the fact that she was in pain. In fact, this was the first time in a long time that she felt no pain at all. No, she groaned cause she simply wanted to sleep more.

"There we go. Come on Sam, open your eyes."

Sam slowly eeked open her eyes, and was met with the beaming smile of Brooke, her eyes shining radiantly. "Hey," croaked out Sam, her throat dry. "Water," she rasped, realizing that her throat did still hurt, even if the rest of her didn't.

She looked around the room as Brooke quickly poured her a glass of water, noting that no one else was in the hospital room. Brooke handed Sam the glass with a straw to Sam and then called for the nurse.

"She's awake Nurse Dan. Get the others please!" she cried out happily.

Sam looked down at herself as she hungrily sucked in the water. She was in a regular hospital bed in regular scrubs, and noted that she had bandages still on her wrist and a sling on her left arm.

"What happened?" she asked out once she'd drained the glass and Brooke was pouring her another one. She looked closely at Brooke, noticing that Brooke had a cast on her left arm and a number of healing cuts on her face, and a decent sized one on her neck.

Brooke smiled at her. "Shawn and Amanda got home just as... just as you passed out. There was a bit of a fight, but Devon went down in the end." Her smile fell. "You were dying... dead... Your heart had stopped Sammy." She sniffled. "But you came back. Shawn kept you going until the EMT's got there. They shocked you back. It was a miracle."

"What about you?"

Brooke continued to smile. "I wasn't hurt too bad. A couple of cuts, a decent sized one on the neck. I got lucky and I landed on this carpet which staunched the bleeding. An easy patch job the doc said, not like you!"

"And Devon," she asked, scared.

"In jail. For a long time. He pleaded out, never even tried to go for innocent. 3 years plus we got restraining orders spanning a half mile on both of us. He didn't even contest the battery charges against you. It was like... some part of him realized just what he had been doing, and it finally won out. That's the only way I can see how he acted, how he took responsibility."

Sam wasn't exactly comforted by that. Devon wasn't like that, she knew that. And maybe this good part had control for now... but what about later? What good was a restraining order when he could just walk in and kill her anytime? But she kept her fears to herself.

"He even gave up Chris' hiding spot, and it's looking like he'll be getting some hard time too." Sam smiled at Brooke, happy that Chris was getting some punishment too.

There was a knock at the door. "Excuse me?"

Brooke and Sam turned to the door, seeing Dr. Farginson. "Jake?" asked Sam questioningly.

He smiled at her. "In the flesh. And so are you. Awake at last." He walked over to her chart, taking a quick look. "You're doing very well in fact."

"You're my doc? What kind of twisted game is this?" asked Sam, smiling at him to show she wasn't serious.  
"Hey, I'm a stalker doc-cer... if that makes sense," he said, smiling back. "But no, I'm not your doctor. I just check up on time to time."

Sam snorted at him. "You just want a success story," she said, still not unkindly.

He nodded at her. "Yep, and I'm pleased to say that I got one." He nodded to Brooke. "She's been by your side none-stop this entire time you know? It's been kind of creepy," he winked at her. Brooke just blushed but didn't say anything. "Alright ladies, I've got rounds to do. I just wanted to check in when I heard you were up. I'm glad you're feeling better Sam." He leaned in close to her and spoke quiet enough that Brooke couldn't hear. "I figured out what you meant about Brooke earlier. Don't screw this up Sam." He winked at her, then turned and left the room as Sam flushed red.

Brooke followed him, a bit suspiciously. She had gotten to know the doc a bit during the past three weeks, and he seemed like a genuinely nice person. But he was also a bit weird with Sam, it kind of bugged her how he seemed to have access to a part of Sam that Brooke didn't. She knew that Sam had spilled what was going to him earlier, that for at least a little while he had been the one she confided in, the one who was looking out for her. It didn't feel exactly like jealousy, but she didn't know what it was. She turned back to Sam, who was staring at her inquisitively.

"So..." Brooke said, feeling awkward now.

"So..." Sam answered evenly. Then she swallowed and took a big breath. "Listen Brooke. I'm just going to say this before I lose my courage, while it's juts begging to burst out. I love you. Like love you love you, not sister love you." Brooke was amazed at the courage of Sam, after all that she had been through she still had the guts to say that. Because she knew how difficult it must have been.

"Oh I love you too," Brooke gushed as she ran over to the side of her bed and plunged her lips down onto Sam.

The kiss seemed to last a lifetime; Sam never wanted it to end.

Not that that was an option. "Wowa, hold on boys and girls, one second! No Shawn, back up! NOW! Just a god damn moment, for everyone's good! I'm warning you Gary, I'll kick you in the balls! Seriously!"

Brooke immediately broke away from Sam and turned to look, letting Sam see Amanda with her back to them, blocking out other people from getting into the room.

Brooke just covered her eyes with her hand, inwardly groaning. "It's alright Amanda, let them in."

Amanda flicked a glance back, then relented and let everyone else in. Naturally Shawn and Gary were the first to burst in looking hopeful, but upon seeing the girls not kissing the hope fell from their faces, but they were still beaming. "Damnit Amanda!" exclaimed Gary.

Sam glanced at Brooke, who was beet red. But that would mean...

Brooke looked over at Sam. "I... may have sort of spilled that I loved you. And Amanda there got them all convinced you loved me back."

"Well I was obviously right," she said haughtily as she came over and embraced Sam. "I'm so glad you're alright."

Gary and Shawn were right behind her, along with Maya, all extolling how happy they were she was back. She noted that Shawn was missing a front tooth, which he passed off as no big deal. She had her guess what it was from, but didn't push it; her guilt was already large enough over the injury to Brooke.

They filled her in that the parents had both gone back to work just recently, but were coming over sometime in the next hour. She was also informed she'd been out for almost a month, so things had been forced to return to some semblance of normalcy. Brooke had flat out just skipped class.

Sam stayed mostly silent as the others bickered and shared stories, as she found herself slowly drifting off to sleep. After about 15 minutes Brooke noticed.

"Alright everyone, I think Sam needs a nap. Our parents should be here in 45 minutes and she needs to be rested up for them. You can all come back later, right?"

Sam nodded happily. "Yea. You better come back," she said warmly. "But I really do need my sleep. Brooke will look after me."

Shawn grinned. "I bet she will. Why do I have the feeling there won't be much sl – OW OW OW leggo of my ear!" he yelled as Amanda grabbed him by the ear, dragging him out.

Gary started to say something but immediately shut his mouth as Amanda started to zero in on him.

"Boys!" she exclaimed as she threw them out. Maya chuckled and waved goodbye.

"Don't worry you two. They mean well." Then Maya winked at them. "Have fun," she said huskily as she closed the door.

Brooke and Sam looked at each other before bursting out laughing. They settled in a minute later though, and Brooke sat in the chair next to the bed.

"So where do we go from here?"

Brooke shrugged. "Anywhere we want Sam." She took Sam's hands in her own. "I love you."

"I love you too Brooke."

They kissed.

A/N: Thanks for reading!


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